anybody?

i am jamie, 34 y/o mom of three great daughters, and schizoaffective bipolar type. i have a question maybe someone could answer?
i have been diagnosed since late 2001 and had manic episodes and severe depressed episodes too, more depressed than anything. lately i cant sleep, and when i do it's not really sleeping i can still hear everything going on around me and i toss and turn, but it's only 2-3 hrs a night. same if i nap during the day it's terrible and i'm soo tired and worn out and feel awefull. thing is, i dont feel the energy or invincible feelings i usually feel with mania, so what is this? i do feel depressed and numb... but normally when i'm depressed i sleep constantly and never get outta bed, now i cant sleep and this has been going on for weeks. i feel isolated and alone and empty... like the black hole in my soul is eating me alive. of course no one else around me knows this.
i just moved to sacramento, ca and had to leave my therapist behind and dont know anything about how to find a new one here, and i was just approved for soc sec and got a bunch of info on medicaid and medical and dont know how to choose which i need cuz none of them mention mental health services. i'm really struggling. anyone know what this phase of bipolar is called? and anyone know which is better in the different california plans? anyone from california?? thanks in advance for any help. jamie

well, the lack of getting good rest leaves your mind with no rest to process the things that have gone on during the day, it's like a watch, when we are wound too tightly we don't work, and thats how it was for me, when my delusions started, i had been missing a full nights sleep and basically staying awake for about 30 hrs straight for 3 days out of the week, i would say it would be best to find a doctor quickly before this gets worse, thats what helps me, i hope you get better and get some rest, and that things go better for you in sacramento, g'night

thanks moramind.... do you think there's anyone out there like NAMI that could help me with all this medicaid stuff so that i know what to pick so that i can get some help??? i'm really at a loss here, i have a hard time comprehending stuff and i get frustrated and confused easily... but i need to get a therapist so i can get help. thanks.

you answered your own question, there are no doctors on this site, only peeps with our personnal opinions, see a real psychiatrist and a therapist, i saw a therapist, but she nevcer helped me, but my psychicatrist, he's the one who prescribes things, is great because he really tries to get me on the right medicine for my symptom, good luck, i hope you get tto feeling better!