Something is terribly wrong with me

Something is terribly wrong with me. I know. I live inside my head for the most part. I cry...a lot. I hurt…a lot. I hide my true feelings…always. I live one big lonely lie of a life. No one really knows me…it’s easier this way. Or so I tell myself. I am having a hard time coping these days. I feel like an empty shell of a person. With no control over my moods and emotions…I scare people away. I forgot how to smile. My eyes are sad. I cry…a lot. The happy times are few and far. I try to hold on tight…but it always escapes me…without warning. And then I cry. I’m so afraid. I want to love and be loved. But I don’t know how. I can’t look after myself these days. Eating and getting dressed is so very hard. I have trouble making decisions and I don’t know what I like anymore. I seem to have lost myself somewhere inside this shell of a person. I don’t feel passion. Or lust. Only pain.

hi my name is jamie... i'm a 34 y/o mom of three daughters. i'm schizoaffective bipolar type and have posted in the SA forum but thought i'd come here too. i could have made this post myself. i'm soo sorry you feel like this.... i hate this lie life that we both seem to be living. i hate bipolar. i'm spiralling down as well and not sleeping well at all, but soo tired all of the time. sorry, i know this is your post about you, but i just want you to know you're not alone... jamie