Delusions...

I haven't been diagnosed with bipolar, but I've been analyzing a lot of my confusing symptoms over the past few years and seem to identify with bipolar. Not to mention that bipolar runs in my family.

Anyway, one thing I'm currently concerned with are delusions. I know grandiose delusions are pretty common with bipolar, and I know I've experienced some other types of delusions in the past. I know you guys can't diagnose me, but I just want to know what you guys think/if these really do seem like delusions to you. If so, I'll mention them to my counselor at my assessment if relevant (no idea when this will be - still haven't heard back for a date!)

- During week 6th of my treatment on the SSRI Fluoxetine I started to believe that people around me weren't real and almost automated robots. On top of this, I believed that each of these people was the same 'entity' (NOT person. Almost like a devil/god/omniscient/ being), and I was being tested and watched for some greater cause. This didn't seem grandiose because it felt too negative - it gave me a pit in my stomach. This feeling would actually come and go throughout the day but stayed there overall for about four days. I've actually had similar feelings before but never to this extent or that length of time! Note, I was being treated with SSRI's at the time so I know this is definitely something which could have caused it.

- Often feel like I'm being 'watched' or 'followed'. There's actually been times I've started running home from fear someone is following me. I often avoid going out through fear of this. I always thought this feeling was normal or due to anxiety, but when I've said it to other people they just seem confused? So I don't know, and I don't even know if this would be considered a delusion or not.

- When I was in my early teens, about 14, for about a month I genuinely believed that aliens were going to come and abduct me at night time, and were watching me. I was absolutely terrified and consumed by this subject - I'd stay up until it was light out because then I'd feel safe. I mean, looking back at this I'm pretty sure by 14 you wouldn't have completely irrational fears like this - to the point you 100% believe this could happen.

Looking back on this, especially the alien thing, I just find it funny (you've got to laugh about these things I suppose), but at the time it was definitely not funny! I don't know if these are even considered delusions, and I don't know if feeling like this is normal at times.

I suppose I just want advice, and if I should tell my counselor this? :/

It is important in treatment to be honest and not hold anything back, so as far as I see it, yes you should definitely share this with your counseler, but that is your choice.
As far as this sounding familiar to me, it certainly does, I may interpret it differently, for instance I don't view other people as robots, but as reflections of myself, I become solipsistic and beleive that only I exsist and that everyone is just a manifestation of me. Though this isn't always the case, I also sometimes beleive that I am the second coming of Jesus Christ or possibly the Anti Christ. Sometimes I have that feeling of being watched, sometimes it feels like I am the center of a T.V. show, like the truman show. As far as childhood goes, I beleived Santa was coming to kill me, I also saw him as a shadow figure one night, this was in early childhood though(6-8), though I was scared of Santa until my teen years. Don't worry too much about what your diagnosis will be, the important part is to be honest with honest with those treating you and ensure that your symptoms are being treated, Grandiose Delusions are found in many forms of M.I. and can be treated no matter what they decide to call what you have. For your information, My diagnosis is Bipolar 1.

Yes, I've had all kinds of weird delusions like that, especially the paranoia. None of it sounds strange to me I thought I had been hypnotized into not being able to see certain kinds of car.

Even when you know it's crazy, the thought just won't leave you alone, and you find yourself back to it when you stop paying attention.

Oh yes -- SSRIs gave me lots of sensory weirdness, some of them unbearable.

I've still yet to get an official diagnosis, but so much of this just sounds like my past. I never connected the dots before, even after rather thorough research. When I was a teenager, every other year or so I would have a week where I wouldn't be able to sleep, my thoughts preoccupied by some crazy thing I thought up, like I was becoming some imaginary character, or was capable of precognition or telepathy or something. I would keep these beliefs to myself for the most part. Over the months, the thoughts slowly creeped up into my everyday thinking, and eventually reshaped my perception of reality, and I would become more and more open about my delusional beliefs. I thought it was completely normal too, which is what scares me now. Once the delusions reached critical mass, I would come down in a depressive episode that would last for a few months, usually with a hospital visit. Then comes a brief normal period, followed by yet another delusion. Rinse and repeat. Now that I'm realizing how absolutely mental I sounded, I'm worried where I could go next. I can't trust anything in my head anymore.

That was my feeling when I got here as well. Complete strangers, including you, are telling me the story of my life. I've never met anyone like me before. I've only had one friend who I even suspect has bipolar disorder. After my suicide attempt, I met someone else with bipolar disorder and our conversation was:

Him: Hey, I heard.
Me: Yeah. Sometimes these things have to be done.

.. and he just nodded.

Talking about my psychosis is very humiliating. It feels like losing control of a bodily function, sometimes in public. But I'm very heartened to find that I'm not even remotely alone in experiencing these things. Just thinking about it is giving me a shamegasm*.

*when your shame reaches the same level of intensity as an orgasm, only it's shame

Here are a few more tidbits

Whenever I sit on my back step to smoke a cigarette at night, I always worry that someone might be pointing a rifle at me in the dark. When I was wandering in the woods during a particularly horrible mixed episode, I found a deer skeleton under a tree and thought it was an aspect of Buddha. Actually, I'm not even sure that happened. I will eventually search for it again, but quite frankly I don't want to find out. At least I achieved Enlightenment out of the experience, which made me feel a lot better at the time. The deer was beautiful again, in her own way (it was a doe).

I'm sure lots of other stuff will come to mind as I think about it more

Oh yes -- I was the reincarnation of Alexander the Great once.