What is happening to me

I posted on here previously about not being medicated for bipolar II and being put on Lexapro for depression which made me not care about anything. Well, I'm still on it, but it definitely triggered some kind of episode that has been really, really terrible.

I ended up cheating on my boyfriend (and I don't care much), I drove once when I probably had a few too many, I've been partying like crazy and hooking up with people (not really my thing "normally")...I've been drinking a lot and abusing my Adderall I was prescribed for ADD. I've been smoking weed everyday and I haven't slept some nights and have felt fine.

Tonight, after a night of too much drinking, too much Adderall and too much weed, that awful feeling sunk in where I realized I had lost myself. I feel like an insane person at this point. I have done things I didn't think I would do, and I don't even care about some of them.

However, I don't want to end up addicted to something and I don't want to put others/myself in danger anymore. Has anyone experienced this? I feel really lost and afraid. But I want to start making a change.

hi

Sounds like things are very difficult for you. I am not here as a professional and cant advise you as such but I think you should urgently tell your Dr about this. Things you are describing I can relate to from when I have had elevated mood and the fact you are on an antidepressant and then this hapenned could be significant. I really think you need to speak to your dr urgently about this.

In terms of what you have done it is so difficult when we act out due to mood disturbance then have it suddenly hit us what we have done and that we need to face the consequences of our actions. yes we are responsible for ourselves but cut yourself some slack if you can in that you may well not have had that much control on you behaviour. I believe it is very important to take personal responsibility even when ill (apart from when floridly manic or psychotic) but it is a balance with also giving yourself a break as you are unwell. Do you have a therapist? This sort of thing might be good to discuss with them if you do have one.

But do talk to your Dr

Hugs

Cracked

If I were you I would call my doc and get in soon. This sounds like you are in a manic episode. It is possible (my experience and info) that the anti-depressants can lift our mood too much and throw you into a manic state. I had that problem for a while when we were figuring out my meds and dosages. I flopped back and forth between depressed, manic and hypo until we finally go the meds and doses right.

I did a lot of crazy wild things in the past when I was manic. I also did some terrible hurtful things too. If I knew then what BP was I would have so gone to a doc a lot sooner than I did.

I wish you luck on getting a handle on this. Try to remember as much as you can or maybe even write them down for when you do see your doc. Info is power when you are trying to get to an even stable place.

I agree with the others, you should definitely contact your doctor. You should not be feeling like this, and your doctor is the most likely to be able to help.

Try and cut yourself a break. Yes, you are responsible for your actions, but you are also ill. On top of that, maybe your medication needs some adjustment, so go easy on yourself. What's really important now is that you take care of yourself and get yourself stable. Then you can work on what you did and how you can make amends if needed.

Contact your doctor and be honest. That's the only way your doctor can help you. I hope everything works out!
Hugs