Struggling with isolation

Normally this doesn't bother me, but for the last few days I have been struggling with feeling alone.

I have now found my self at 30 years old with no friends to speak of. Yes I have a few people that I speak to occasionally, but it is usually months between.

I am also married and have been for the past 7 years, but apart from my wife, family (only the ones I talk to, which aren't many now) and the people I work with (I don't consider them friends). I have absolutely no one in my life that I can go and talk to that isn't my psychologist.

I think this started on Friday. I went and picked up my new car, I was excited just like you are meant to be, but then it dawned on me. The only people I can go show it off to are, and this is the sad part, 5 people. So in my entire life, I only have 5 people that I can go see. The really sad part is that it was only my wife, her parents and my mum and step dad. They all live within 10 minutes of where I live.

I just don't know how it came to me being like this. I used to have a lot of friends and being alone wasn't a problem for me, hell I used to love it.

But now I know that I have no one in my life. I think that it is becoming clear to me that no one will miss me when I am gone. I doubt that it will cross the mind of anybody I used to know.

This may be just the depression talking though. But I think my entire funeral will just be made up of the family members who I haven't managed to piss off yet.

Thank you online friends for listening to me....

Landor

LandorAiel, I completely understand you. I am in a similar situation. I look back on my life and wonder how I got here. I am still working this - trying to learn, not blame.
I have always had one or two good, confidant, type friends at a time. Sure, I socialized in groups, but groups are not usually intimate connections. Most of my friends were from work and when I left neighborhood, or job, or others left, the friendship - based primarily on our commonality - ended in a short time.
Then, I moved cross-country and married. Primary connection was to family. I had to rebuild the intimate relationship. Not easy, and the new marriage took time (work, marriage, partner's local family). As the marriage soured, I spent more time at work (workaholism substituting/diverting for missing intimacy). This went on for years. I did not reach out to develop the confidant relationship I now miss. Years went by, 23. I divorced, moved again. Again, severed relationships from work, and partner's family due to circumstances. I have no children either.
Now most women I meet are involved with family, doting on grandchildren, traveling to visit or lend a hand, and traveling with husband. This is not a lifestyle I share and they don't know what to do with me. They are not in the market for new confidants - just superficial "girls night out". I met a couple of friends - similar personalities, similar values, life style, available time, even shared experiences - but just when the confidant relationship was reaching a needed depth, they moved (3x, ugh!). Proximity is a factor in developing a confidant.
IMHO, finding compatible friends is key. It also requires a frequent pleasant interaction (face to face) that is stable, reciprocal, and has an element of caring and concern for each other. This is not quickly done, but takes persistence and effort.
I suggest working on this NOW that you realize that element is missing. It is a much worse situation to try to build emotionally intimate friendships at 66.

Something really great happened to me the other day and i had no one around to share it with. that i miss. But im kind different were as i prefer less people because its so much work to maintain friendships. I'd rather have another wife to share everything with than a bunch of friends.

I too deal with isolation. I met a new friend last October and since she is single we meet more often doing things like going out to eat and visiting each other in our homes. I don't like to do a girl's night out thing. I am 39 and I am married and I have 3 kids. My husband works out of town a lot so it feels like I have two lives. The one when he is gone a lot and the one when he is here. I would like to go with my husband and go to a bar and listen to music and just relax and have a few drinks. I want to allow our relationship to grow in intimacy and love. But going to the movies just doesn't do it for me.

I've recently burned a few bridges with 3 of my friends. I felt I was not being respected and treated like a true friend should be treated. They ignored me or were rude to me. I feel I made the right decision, yet it still stung that I don't have those people in my life anymore. It's like you say, you have a new car and you have few close people to show it off to. I only have a few close people in my life. Some days I don't want any more people in my life as I cannot be all things for all people. I get busy with the kids and home life. But on my lonely days I like to be able to seek them out. I literally tell my friends, "let's put it in the calendar" because with doctor's appointments and therapist appointments I can be very busy one week and have a clear calendar the next week.

Also during times when I have severe depression I don't want to get dressed, showered, or have my makeup done. I usually shower when my hair is so oily it looks nasty and I still choose to just stay at home. But about the isolation, yes I am very isolated when it comes to having friends who truly understand what I go through with the moods, be it depression, hypomania, or mania. They are clueless and I feel so alone going through all of this.

So glad to find out that I am not the only person who struggles with this.

My other problem is that I actually hate everybody and don't trust anything they say. I know that is a really bad way to look at life. But for me it was always a way of protecting myself after years of turmoil in my family life.

It started out with me pulling away from my friends in high school (year 7), I did manage to stay in the friendship group for the next 4 years, but I was never really engaged in what they were doing. I pretty much spent my time flitting between 3 friendship groups, only because I didn't fit in with the overall dynamics.

It got worse when I went to year 11. I split myself up between 7 different groups. This was because I could barely stand anybody I hung out with. It was a struggle when I started dating Lisa. I found myself being tied down to one spot, with somebody I didn't have any strong feelings for. Which would explain why I was cheating on her pretty much straight away.

My hate and distrust for people just kept growing from there. I ended up turning the entire group against me and against each other because I found it funny. I was not a good person back then.

When I turned 19 I ended up breaking up with Lisa and shitting myself away from the world. In this time I only had myself for company and it just made the hatred worse.

Even now I find it hard to trust anyone. The only person I do actually trust is my wife, and even then it took almost 8 years of us being together for me to trust her (we will have been together for 9 years this october).

I just don't know how or why others can make and keep friends and not hate them from the start. Maybe there is something else that I haven't dealt with.

Does anybody else have this problem?