some advice

without filling 3 pages expaining i was diagnosed a couple of years ago as cyclothimic/ borderline bipolar, i used to crash around 9 monthe into a year after climbing high taking on any project ect where none was good enough or effeceint enogh at work ect, used to quit work over something stupid ans i knew it was happening but couldnt stop it then months of being low.. id follow the docs advice for a few months then change mood and then cancel appointments ect. in march i started sertraline and went up to 150mg to help combat it and it seemed to have an effect but recently my mood has flipped at short notice and ive been all over the place. i can be fine then have one cup of coffe and fly high then crash. the big thing i found was the sertraline made me loose feeling like a sort of so what attitude which wasnt great as i went self employed shortly after starting the sertraline and i got so unbothered it just never got going but i didnt care. paperwork would arrive in the post and id just put it to one side. when i see the doc they said to carry on and we will see how it is in a month or two but i got to the point i was having difficulty getting through a couple of days and i have to sort my life out so last sunday, a week ago i stopped the sertraline. after 5/6 days i feel different, less numb and more alive but im worried that this may be just me climbing high it seems to good too soon. i have mild effects from stopping the sertraline overnight but nothing bad. our mental health are so understaffed and buisy they just say they cant help much if i dont follow the meds recomended i get the feeling they want me doped up but my life is falling apaert while imlike that. i live alone and so when i get bad there is no one to nudge me to say do something i have to wait untill the mood changes enough to crack out of it. i have developed a habbit of what i describe as throwing the teddy out the cott i will flip and cancell all medical appointments and stop all meds including my hiv meds then a few days later regret it and have to appologize and try to undo it all. nothing stays stable. i keep thinking i know what triggers it and i seem ok for a while then drift off high again. someone suggested it was attention seeking i dont care what it is i just want it gone im 51 and been like this all my life and im so tired of it. its like groundhog day i know whats coming next

Hi Jody,
I see you posted this a few hours ago, and though nearly 80 people have read it, nobody has replied.

When I'm not well, I think I am communicating very clearly, but I've come to see that I am pretty incoherent at those times. This might be one of those times for you.

Is there some sort of help available for you right now?
I think you need to be back on all your medication, but a doctor may change the prescriptions a bit.

Can you call a crisis line and get a referral?

My advice is seek help.
It appears to me from your writing that you need it right away.
Stay in touch here and let us know how things work out.

Take care,

Hi Jody

How are you doing now?

It also sounds to me like you could do with some help to try to get things back on a more even keel for you - I hope that you are able to get that help.

Please if you have not, call your Dr or another member of the team looking after you and ask them if you can get advice on how you are feeling. perhaps you could show them a print out of the post you wrote here to show them how things are for you

I hope that you are doing OK

Hugs

Cracked

hi
if go see the gp he will just say start taking the ssri again. i went one evening in a state and he did nothing when i said i want to stop all meds ive had enough. all he said was so what do u want me to do u wont listen. if i see the proffesor who has me on castration drugs he says see the gp he is only recomending them. if i see mental health they are convinced its a drug addiction. when u go to see any of them when the moods bad instead of someone saying your not right theres something wrong i get go away untill you are more like we want you. so who do i see. my feeling at the moment are to cease all contact with them and look after myself. mental health have hinted if i do not follow what they want they will report me to the driving licience people and stop me driving although its never been a problem so i feel held a gun point as i live in the country side and need my car there is virtually no bus service. i hate them they dont listen they have one idea and they are right regardless of whatever anyone else says. ive learnt to tell them as little as possible as they will use the slightest thing as leverage against you. if you said you had a drink on a night they will class you as an alchololic and i dont joke. i dont drink i dont smoke.

I have run into similar issues with MH services at times. I am not allowed to drive and have had ppl palm me off to other professionals in the past. my best advice is play the game tho as firstly that makes them more inclined to help you and secondly I found that when I took meds as advised it did in the longer term help me more than when I had not been so cooperative. It sounds really frustrating for you and the license thing is very difficult but I worry about you not having any input at all.

Hugs

Cracked

hi
yes i have to follow what they say. they wont be pleased ive stopped the ssri but if i dont i will be bankrupt and homeless i was doing nothing. if you see my other posts u will see im on voluntry chemical castration as well. this is voluntry and not for anything to do with peadophiles. im trying to work out if the hormone drop is causing the rapid mood swings(i never had them this rapid or odd) but the gp wont talk about it and mental health have avoided it. one of the other reasons i have stopped the ssri to reduce the amount of possible causes. if i find a simple thing like a menopause type treatment works ill be happy. dont want to stop the stuff it has greatly reduced the sex drive. odd i didnt get a councelour or to see a hormone doc no body like to talk about the subject

might sound obvious but trying to sort things out if the mood is off on mars is a disaster and sorting just that out when the mood returns to more stable takes forever. if you have no one to help or watch you then it can become a yoyo effect getting no where and you end up looking like a right pratt. friends dissapear, people tend to not want to know you so you can end up in a very solo world. the older i get the more i work out wat happens but im dammed if i can stop it. there is nothing worse than feeling depressed/bad knowing its not real and it will end but for the life of you you cant crack out of it. ive always described it like being drunk and trying to make yourself sobber quickly. you can even become happy being misserable, sounds daft but true

i dont think stopping the ssri was the best idea i ever had infact it hasnt helped anything really exept a feeling i tried something. pysically i feel crap, im going to see one of the gp tommorrow and see if its ok to start them again. it has to be the castration drug. sad as i am to admit it i may have to stop them and see if the mood swings improve.