Dealing with Loneliness

I find I sometimes experience extreme loneliness in the evenings especially when I am alone without my husband to keep me company. It seems unbearable. I usually can't fall asleep. I was up till 2 a.m. and then I woke up again at 4 a.m. feeling as if I had never fallen asleep. Usually when I am like this I put the headphones one to sort of let me drift to sleep listening to some soothing music. Last night it didn't work. I am stable in the sense that I don't have depression, but I have this happen to me and I felt awful. Last night I felt desperate enough to take some anxiety medication to help me fall asleep. Problem is I didn't stay asleep. I hope this doesn't happen often. Loneliness is so hard to deal with. So I am asking what is your experience and how do you handle it? Do you just stay up and watch tv or read. Do you do something to keep yourself occupied so you don't feel the feelings of loneliness so intensely?

I'm feeling very lonely almost every day. At the moment my husband is working and normally (now is the summer holidays) he goes to university. I've been on sick leave (= I do not have scheduled days) for quite a few months now. I spend few hours alone most days. It's tricky as I could go out and I could find something that occupied me and have other people around me but usually I don't. And I'm lonely. I feel like I'm not me when my husband isn't home. It is enough that he is here, I do not need to talk to him (all the time, of course I need to talk to him in general, but I hope you understand my point ), I just need him present. I'm so much able to function when he is here. I'm an artist of sorts and I do a lot of artwork when my husband is home but during the daytime when he is off working I don't get much done. Loneliness kind of kills me and my enthusiasm about everything. I just hang in here, watch tv, search the internet and don't do much productive stuff.

I'm okay when I'm with friends and I absolutely love other people when I'm around them. I just don't seek their company as I should. I'm extremely anxious before I meet someone and it seems like a very far away thing but when I'm actually in the situation, I'm okay and talkative and myself. I find it hard to go out and do stuff... But I'm happy and okay if I somehow get over the starting to do something - phase.

And all this is pretty funny and frustrating because I really am the kind of person who really needs her own time too! My husband can't really talk to me or interact with me while I'm painting for example. I need to be "alone" then. But not completely alone, I need him present in the house. This is stupid, but my brain works that way. I do so much better when I'm around people. I even become delusional when I'm alone. I start to be afraid of weird things and become very anxious... Most of the time I can't do perfectly normal things like wash the dishes... I'm kind of zombie, just surviving through the day until my husband comes home. This is pretty scary.

Lately, as I have been getting better, I've tried more. I've put more effort into my days. I'm trying to learn how to be alone - like completely alone (well, I have my dog and my cat for company... so I'm not that alone). I really need to practice to do the everyday things when nobody else is at home... I need to practice so I don't become anxious and don't loose my mind. I guess it will take time for me to recover from very bad depression, hallucination, anxiety, panic and all the other stuff that happened to me last winter and made my life hell... But loneliness is at the moment something that is definitely a huge issue for me.

Hi,

The loneliness you're experiencing sounds miserable, and I really feel for you. At the moment, I don't feel particularly lonely in that people are physically around me (I'm back living in my family home for now). However, it's something I've dealt with because I've studied and worked abroad several times, initially away from anyone I knew- which was sometimes incredibly hard. Also, I find living with bipolar and not knowing anyone in real-life with the condition can be very isolating in itself.

Some things that have helped me so far:
-Trying to have some sort of social contact during the day (with acquaintances, friends, or family etc.). Even a phone/Skype call has helped me feel less isolated once the evening rolls around

-Keeping a daily diary as a way to release my emotions and worries

-Distracting myself with reading, music or the radio. I find the radio particularly soothing if it's mainly discussion and the volume's on low

-Guided meditations, particularly before bed (I find free ones online but there are lots of CDs out there)

Finally, if your sleep carries on being disturbed and isn't just situational, it might be a good idea to check in with your psychiatrist. I don't know if you're the same, but even if my mood's only slightly off-centre, it can affect my sleep and increase my anxiety.

I hope this helps somewhat and you manage to feel calmer soon. Take care x

Hi Quietgirl,
Loneliness is difficult isn't it.
A friend once phoned me at midnight christmas eve because she was lonely. She lives 3 time zones away so it was 3:00 am where she was.

Sometimes when I'm lonely, I'll look at my photo albums full of pictures of friends and family at good times. Sparking up good memories works for me.

I knew a lady who would feel so terrible she would cut herself when she was alone. We talked on the phone several times when her husband was at work. Her major at university was classical music so I would get her going on favorite composers and pieces of music. It didn't really matter what I said, as long as I connected with her.

If there is nobody else, try phoning a crisis line. They will talk to you, and if loneliness doesn't meet their criteria for crisis, they may be able to direct you to a volunteer group that helps people on the phone.

Take care,

Loneliness is hard for me also. Well from my stand point im going to lonely for long time. My shyness and akwardness makes it really difficult for me to speak to people. Especially women.
How i ever had girlfriends or wives i will never know.
I got to speak to a women today i had been coresponding with online. Wow how hard can it be to be speak to a women versus being alone. i dont know which is harder.

Your looking at what is also a negative symptom of schizophrenia isolation. ADD might suggest you have low Phenethylamine levels it depends.
For social problems like isolation one thing that might help is D Serine.
Please note you should consult a doctor before take any supplements if you can talk to a pharmacist you might get more detail.