Does anyone else constantly wish to cease to exist?

electricbipolar wrote:I completely feel that way today. Having problems with the husband and talking about a possible separation. I just want to go on a very long vacation and sleep for a very long time. Today, I wish my meds actually did numb all my emotions. Unfortunately, they don't. I'm hurting.

Hugs :c I know how horrible those conversations are

I don't so much wish to cease exist as restart my existance with the knowledge I have now..

Suppose that's mostly to do with my long experience with bullying in school. If back then I'd known what's coming, I may had had very difference approach to the issue..

Also there's parts of me not comfortable with my current "sexual identity" which may also be part of my wish to restart my existance - preferable with opposite sex.

Yes! I mostly wish I hadn't been born, but it's similar. It's a lot worse when I'm depressed. I think it doesn't happen when manic, I'm too busy thinking about a bucketload of other stuff. But it also happens when I'm in normal mood, I think. I just don't wish it so desperately, it's more like "I wish I wasn't here, but I am, so let's roll with it". Hard to explain, but it's different!

Yes. I am currently in a "normal" mood, perhaps a little low but not depressed. Ever since the all-consuming urges to run or die during depression, I think I've kind of changed my perception of things. And am not in any way scared of death but thinking about when it might happen feels welcoming and calm. If that makes sense?

Spent most of the morning crying after the gym. Took a quick nap and woke up feeling fine.

So up and down lately. Why can't we always just be up?
It would be much easier to just disappear. Not die, just cease