Hey guys, I'm new here but have been diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder for 3 years. I was wondering how you guys deal with the guilt of things you did while manic. I recently had a manic episode and did some CRAZY and embarrassing things. And whenever I get a reminder of that time period or think about it, I get really depressed and feel guilty about what I did.
Here's one example of what I did:
I was up for like 29 hours and feeling really manic but I also had some sprouts of depression here and there. I had crazy impulses like running outside in the middle of the night (while it was pouring down rain) and taking my clothes off and rolling around in the mud. But the major thing I did was, when my mom was sleeping I went into her room and broke into her medicine safe. She takes pain medication and sleeping pills. I took both her pill bottles and poured like 5 5mg oxycodone or something (that parts a little foggy) and 4 10mg ambien in my hand and then proceeded to take them. The weird thing is I don't know why I did it. At the time I was thinking that I didn't care if I lived or died. But I secretly I wanted to live. So after a few minutes had passed. I realized what I did and Woke my mom up crying. Telling her what I did and everything and she called 911 and they rushed me to the hospital. Luckily I was fine because they got me in time. And I went to sleep for a long time.
But the reason I felt guilty was because I took my moms pain pills that she really needed. I felt embarrassed because I think the doctor and the paramedics thought I was some drug addict (which i'm not).
So basically how do I suppress this memory or cope with the guilt?
This is just one thing that happened. I had a few more incidents that sucked as well. But this one really hurts me.
You guys have any feedback?
Thank you.
Peace.