Is it possible?

I lived my whole life (42 yrs) med-free and undiagnosed/misdiagnosed, and here's what it looks like, in a nutshell:

~ never finished college
~ 3 kids with 3 different fathers
~ multiple divorces/failed relationships
~ never held a job more than 8-9 months
~ (sparing you decades of gory details...)

Since being diagnosed Bipolar I about 8 months ago:

~ started Lamictal, on day 5 had breakdown & was hospitalized 14 days
~ started meds & quit meds in 30 days due to adverse reactions (see signature below)
~ decided to go all natural and "manage" bipolar with extremely healthy lifestyle, etc.

After 6 months med-free, in a mixed episode WITH ultra rapid cycling:

~ lost my formerly successful home-based business of 8 years
~ lost custody and/or sent all 3 children to live with their fathers
~ lost car: broke down and cannot be repaired, can't afford to replace
~ have no phone ~ cell phone broke and cant afford to replace
~ now have to move/ downsize to smaller apartment

It seems obvious when you look at the list, but it took a long time for me to finally see that my life has become unmanageable.
I am exhausted of living this way, spending every ounce of my energy focused on just not falling apart... it's no life at all! I've been surviving, not living.
What I've noticed is, the longer I've lived without meds, the worse my episodes have become. I'm in such a state of decomposition it feels like my body is literally not able to get through this.
I don't think anybody in the world feels as strongly as I do against taking prescription meds... but I just got my blood test this morning in order to start taking Lithium this week.

Not to sound like a Debbie Downer ~ but I wish I had better prepared myself for the possibility that self-management 'might not' be effective. Then it might not have been so difficult to accept meds as an alternative route.
It may not be this bad for anybody else, each person is unique, but this is my story.

Big hugs crackerjack. That's a heavy story.

I have NO CLUE if this is helpful (just ignore me if it isn't) but if it's only medication you are against, I heard electrotherapy can be very helpful and comes with a fraction of meds' side effects. The only reason it isn't administered more often is... "One Flew Over A Cuckoo's Nest" because everyone thinks that's exactly what ECT is like. (Possibly it's not even an option in your case. My only relationship with medicine is that I see doctors extremely often and they hand me pills. Don't take this as firm advice.)

I wish you all the best and hope whichever option you go with it makes your life better.

This has been my day in a nut shell. Well jump on the rollercoaster! I started out feel in like super woman. I could tackle anything. Dropped dog off at groomer. Daughter at swim lessons. Go back to get dog and back right before swim is over. Perfect. Then highly sensitive to anything that leads to straight agatation and anger. The slightest movements or sounds... Its nap time... extremely exhausted but didnt sleep! Couldnt get my self together to do anything. Oh crap we are about to be late to a swim meet. rushed !! Baths have to be taken, dinner cooked and eaten, and leaving the house. Phew we made it! Now feel in great! Feeling of being normally social, talking and laughing. This is the way life should be. BOOM Overwhelmed people and kids running around everywhere. Fight through it. It is a part of life. Oh hey look its night time... wide awake and chatty Cathy! At 130 am i am flipping my matress and putting the sheets on. Whew what a ride. I want to sleep to pass the time away and will regret it in the morning when I have to get up but at the same time have no desire to close my eyes or rest.

-- Wed Jul 16, 2014 1:30 am --

[quote="crackerjack"]I lived my whole life (42 yrs) med-free and undiagnosed/misdiagnosed, and here's what it looks like, in a nutshell:

LOVE YOUR HEART!!! YOU have had a rough time. I just want to give you a big ole hug!

igotthis25 wrote:It is almost like I have a phobia of medicine. Even with anxiety, I will wait until it is extreme before taking something.

I really relate to what you're saying here, and everything you just posted about your roller-coaster day. I did it just like that for a LOT of years (my kids are now 19, 16 & 10). But as time went on, the more exhausted my body became, the harder it was to manage. Things started to fall apart, and they are still falling.

I can't even believe I finally started taking Lithium... but that just goes to show how extreme my situation finally became. I think the stress on my body for all those years probably had worse side effects than the pills! But it really put things in perspective for me.

In the long run, I think, it's all about quality of life. I thought I was better off meds, but the ruins of my life show otherwise. It's just one of those things that I didn't see as it was happening, and only in hindsight has it become clear, now that I've even lost my kids. I probably waited too long before I started taking something.

Oliveira wrote:Big hugs crackerjack. That's a heavy story.

Thanks man... sometimes it's good to just be acknowledged. It's all become clear to me in the past few months. I just gotta keep letting go of the past and find a new life, I guess.

My grandmother was institutionalized back in the 60's for ECT, but I think that's just as scary (if not scarier) that taking pills! I think it's just a process for me, breaking down the barriers of something I've been so passionate and stubborn about my entire life.

Quite frankly, it was a whole lot scarier "thinking" about taking pills than actually taking them. Now that I've taken two, and am about to take the third, I think I'm getting over that whole idealistic approach of wanting to handle it "naturally." After all, lithium is still natural... I just want something that actually helps!

Is it possible to live with Bipolar unmedicated?

I can't answer for everyone out there. But for me I must be medicated. For years I wasn't and the symptoms weren't so out of control. I self-medicated with alcohol. Lots of alcohol for a few years. Then I had a full blown manic eqisode that landed me in the worst depression. The depression really could not be controlled for years, 8 years or longer, it got worse and better, than worse. Finally, only lithium could stabilize me. That's all there is to it, I must have medication. If I don't I would probably take my life.