Medication question

I am taking Pristiq 50 mg, Cytomel 20 mg, limictal 200 mg, topomax 50 mg and keppra 250 mg. I was diagnosed a year and a half ago after suffering all my adult life with bouts of severe depression and irritability. I take my meds faithfully. Have had pdoc change meds at the start but have been pretty stable on these until recently. My question is even though I'm feeling well most of the time I have a major severe depressive episode starting in June and escalates the week of the 4th of July. I fight with my family and want to die. I eventually get myself out of it after taking whatever pills are around, trying to kill myself to get myself out of pain, only to realize after taking a handful that I really don't want to die. Sorry for being so long winded. I haven't gone back to my pdoc since February and can't afford to now. No insurance. Husband and I out of work. $500 a month for rx. Just want to know if this is normal.