I feel like a vampire

I'm forced to live a life I didn't ask for. Everything's wrong. The worst is that I have to hide my mental disorder. Like a little sacret. So far from the " normal " people. and no exit. Nothing can do.

Nephilim, I'm sorry to hear you feel like this.

That is why I "outed" myself as bipolar. I was warned by people, including my therapist even, but I just couldn't keep it a secret. One of the reasons why I did it is that now I don't have to wonder "do they suspect, what do they know, do they gossip" -- I *know* what they know. I told them Please don't think I am saying this is what you must do -- this is just the tactic I have chosen for myself, aware of the possible problems.

Big hug.

I let it rip loose whenever, not for everyone but that's just me. It's better to freak out and go back to being happy. That's just me.

I'm sure I was the topic of gossip among coworkers before I was diagnosed and told everyone.
When I was diagnosed, I was relieved. Now I had a reason for my craziness. I was glad and relieved to share it.

I belonged to a strong union and was quite capable of doing my job with little blips along the way so my career was secure. People in some professions don't have job security. I knew a school teacher who was really afraid her secret would become known. Police and firefighters might not be able to continue work if they are bipolar because of the high stress incidents in their job. But I'm just guessing.

I knew a lady who was a bank teller. She had to have her "game face" on every day at work, regardless of how she was feeling.

I've focused on impact of bipolar on work, and work relationships. I know it also influences family, friends... Disclosing I am bipolar has been a good thing for me. Maybe you can tell someone close to you that you trust. See how that goes, and proceed from there.

I hope it goes well for you, whatever you decide.
Take care,

I usually say I'm in depression and people do believe me, because I'm dark and I'm an introvert. That's okay, but I know this is not the whole truth, I need somebody to share it. But I even afraid to tell my closest friends. And I do suffer depression, so I don't lie, simply I don't say the whole truth. I'm afraid that people will begin to run away from me. And at last I'm still not sure what I suffer from. Bipolar, Schizophrenia or both together with recurrent depression.

Nephilim wrote: I'm still not sure what I suffer from. Bipolar, Schizophrenia or both together with recurrent depression.

You need to talk to a therapist to have your diagnosis confirmed.
I hope you can be honest with a therapist soon.
Seeing a psychologist regularly was the best thing i did for myself.

Take care,

My doctor says diagnosis is not important. It's important how I feel. And he prescribe me meds for Bipolar and Schizophrenia - Depakote, Risperidone, Effexor. I guess he isn't sure what I suffer from, because I have symptoms of Bipolar and Schizophrenia.