by cursed » Mon Apr 09, 2007 10:38 am
lamictol was the first anti-depressant drug i was put on that the doc tried on me. lamictol and all the other anti-depressant/psychotic/seizure are the drugs i'm at the point i refuse to take anymore.
i'll go into the story, maybe it might help explain my probs...
i got thrown into the insane asylyum cause the jackasses thought i was trying to kill myself. (umm, hello, if i was, why the hell would i go to the er??) i was recovering from a very bad seizure that wasn't letting up, calling my friends for help, and what do they say? go to the er. fine. so i did. next thing i know, my rights get taken from me and i get forced into the insane asylym.
so i'm in the looney bin. while there, it wasn't my original doctors on-call week, it was the other neurologist of the office's week. she was called in to see me, was just as confused, so it was her call to stick me on lamictol too. then the hell began.
that was also a time period in my life i was also going through terrible emotional hell, a broken heart, a torn life, #######5 job and living situations, financial hell, and other stuff that made $#%^ miserifing. so it became obvious every time i went in to see the doc emotions weren't doing well on my health.
first, i was started out on the very small dosage. 25 mg 2x a day. it got increased, and increased, and upped, and upped over 6 months cause every time i went in, everything i told the doc, got worse and worse and worse. he said the lamictol was supposed to stable my mood swings not heighten them.
it got to the point i was at 1200 mg a day on that $#%^. wana know the type of 'mood swing' problems that pill gave me? (along with other anti whatever pills) keep in mind, i also have seizures of heavy gran mal tonic clonic type that last for a while.
a quick inside view on what kinda seizures i have. when a 'warning' comes, its the de-ja-vu type. it'll be 5-60 sec before a seizure starts. i freak out, get scared, etc. dizzy, 'gone'. when the seizure is done done, i may appear 'awake' to others and can do stuff, but hell if i can remember ever doing that. that lasts for several minutes. when i do 'wake' from it and can acknowledge that yes, duh, ###$ off now, i'm awake awake, my tongue is bloody, and ALL my muscles are severely in pain, my head hurts, and since my cns is a $#%^ load intensified, it could be 100 degrees but i'm cold, and it could be a simple 'scratch' and feels like a saw (this part i can't get ems, nurses, doctors, etc. to believe me and they always think they can still stick iv's in me and i'll be 'fine' after its done). ok, so thats a summed up nut shell when i drop dead.
now, when i was put on lamictol....$#%^ happened that wasn't supposed to. when the dose was smaller and lighter, these odd mood swings would come on. i'd be depressed, sad, or angry and upset. but it was enough to affect my ability to act thru the day. so the doc upped the dose. the mood swings got stronger and more dramatic. the doc upped it some more. finally it got to this point:
i would be just 'fine'. nothing 'wrong' with me. then, out of the blue, (just like when i get a seizure warning out of the blue), a sudden very high build up of emotion that i could not control was there. i was either 1-crying my eyes out over nothing. it was like it was the end of the world and armageddon arrived or 2-so ######6 royally pissed off even just a total random stranger i was VERY capable of ringing his neck....for no reason. both emotional states were based on nothing. no one made me cry my eyes out, or pissed me off and want to take revenge from hell. these emotional uncontrollable outbursts from hell lasted as long as a seizure did....then....poof. done. gone. i'm not crying. i'm not ringing someones throat out. and i felt the same way when i woke up from a seizure. sore, tired, dizzy, head hurt, weakened, memory issues....
after i was taken off of lamictol cause that freaked the doc out, he put me on how many other frigg'n anti-depressants, anti-psychotics. each and every single damn one of them, same deal. oppisite desired reactions. some caused the mood swings, others rashes and vomiting, others seizures, and others, schizophrenic episodes. so wtf?!?!?!?! why can't i find a doc whose willing to sit down with me and take a look at my own personal bio-chemical system set up in my body and why i can't take certain drugs to help with certain problems? so we can find wtf is wrong with my bio-chem setup internally and what i CAN take to help reset $#%^ back to 'normal' in my body?!?!?
all you other peeps out there who can take anti-dep's and not have problems like me, $#%^. i envy you. why can't i be 'normal' even like that?!!?!?
(the aed i was on that i can somewhat take before the doctor officially gave up on me and refuses to see me anymore was topamax....but he even had THAT up to beyond 2000mg a day!!!!!)
A person must court a virgin differently than a divorcée. One welcomes the charming words; the other needs a demonstration of love to overcome inbuilt skepticism. ~~~ C.S. Lewis ~~~
Hi Moramind:
Yes, I'm on it. It seems to try and stable my moods. Which is good. It is trying to work for me.
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