Am I wrong?

Lately, Ive been really low. Ive been struggling with everything and I even self harmed for the first time in 5 months. And I have a friend who has been bringing me down even more.

In high school, we were best friends. We were basically inseparable. But, she has Cerebal Palsy, and being in a wheelchair, she didnt get much attention from guys, so when a guy showed her attention, she would fall for him every time.

Well, 4 years ago she and I liked the same guy. Only, I never told her I liked him because I knew it would start a fight. But one day I was at his house and we ended up making out. It didnt go any further than that but I felt terrible about it. So, when I got home I called her and I told her what happened. She flipped out talking about how im a slut and I betrayed her and saying every terrible thing about me she could think of and said our friendship is over.

For months afterwards, I got messages from various members of her family, some just calling me names, some actually threatening to hurt me. And every one of our mutual friends stopped talking to me. I was completely alone for 4 years. Eventually the threatening messages stopped, but the pain of everything that happened never went away.

2 months ago, she messaged me out of the blue, talking about how she missed me. So I messaged her back and we've been talking ever since. But everytime we talk she brings me down more. She's always reminding me how terrible I was, and how she still cant trust me. And how we're not truly friends anymore.

I think the biggest thing that bothers me though is that she refuses to tell a single person that she's even talking to me. I feel like im just her dirty little secret and it bothers me so bad. She also has to remind me everytime we talk how im not really her friend and how i betrayed her.

I know what I did was wrong, but I dont think it warrants me being treated like this. But ive missed her so much, I just take it. Am I wrong to feel this way? She doesnt know how badly she's hurting me, and im worried one day she's going to say something when im hypomanic and im going to lay into her. I just want to be treated like a human with feelings.

You alright in how you feel. Every single human being makes mistakes. It is natural to feel such guilt in a situation, and i definitely think it is a little over the top how people are reacting to you. I have heard of more laxed reactions regarding actual infidelity.

Unfortunately, most friendships are not for forever. If she continues devaluing you in such a way, it may be time for you to leave her company. It is natural for her to feel angry and react in an adversive way, but after a certain while, it is just not worth it to continue attempting a friendship with her. If she cannot completely forgive you, then unfortunately that may be end of things. Use the guilt as a learning lesson for how to behave in the future and keep on living

What you did was wrong, but you already know that. It happened and there's nothing you can do to change that. Your actions afterwards tell me you did regret what you did, and tried to explain your actions to your friend and apologise.

What she's doing to you is wrong, plain and simple. Either she's moved on and can be friends with you without holding back or she hasn't. If she hasn't, she should leave you alone.

I'm sorry if I'm being too blunt, but that's just the way it is for me. There's no middle ground. If I were you, I'd have a very serious talk with my friend and put things very simply: either move on or don't, but make up your mind!

I know it's easier said than done, but I really feel your "friend" isn't being fair at all. She's bringing you down and that's not healthy at all. I wish you the best, and I hope you can find the best possible solution.

I dont think that this person is being a friend at all - if it were me I would tell them where to go - it is not fair how you are being treated and it strikes me that this person is deliberately trying to hurt you. This is not the action of a friend. I think it would be really empowering to tell her that you do not think she is treating you right and so you no longer want to be in contact with her. I also think that it would be worth telling her that how her and others behaved in the past in not acceptable. Bullies respond to strength. I also think you could say to her that if you get any threatening messages you will report them to the police. Please dont let her bully you and make you feel unhappy.

Just some thoughts

Cracked

What you are experiencing is not fair.
First, you don't say if your friend was in a committed relationship with the guy when you made out. If not, she has no claim on you. If she was, did she treat the guy with the same extreme reaction?

What happened to "Forgive and Forget?" She scores zero on that.

Tell her straight up what she is doing to you and how it makes you feel. If she persists, it is up to you to end the relationship.

Ann Landers use to say something like this: "If it was only once, and nobody got pregnant, don't mention it." Even if you want forgiveness from the would be victim. You will only make things worse. I know you have confessed already, so repeating the Ann Landers advice is for others who might find themselves in your position. Unfortunately, it is too late for you unless there is total forgiveness and reconcilliation.