Not meant for this life TRIGGER WARNING

I am sorry if I'm not supposed to post this but I can't wait for mod to reply to my pm about it, feeling too desperate.

Does anyone else feel they were not meant for this life, in terms of modern society?

I strongly believe that our instincts haven't evolved to catch up with our lifestyles and that causes us so much pain and misery. We're not meant to be so disconnected from each other, having fake social lives through binary code, or it being too much of an inconvenience to spend enough time together. I've always felt this way and spent long, lonely nights researching how I can go live in some off the grid community. Even if I had the money to do so, which I don't, that wouldn't be fair on my kids or pets.

I told my best friend earlier how I was feeling, and she said to let her know when I feel better (so we can resume normal life). That just reinforced what I already know; the long, lonely road ahead, completely unnatural and there's no way to change that.

Every part of me screams to run away but there's nowhere to go. If I didn't have kids and pets that need me, I'd be checking out for sure.

theglassbuddha wrote:I strongly believe that our instincts haven't evolved to catch up with our lifestyles and that causes us so much pain and misery. We're not meant to be so disconnected from each other, having fake social lives through binary code, or it being too much of an inconvenience to spend enough time together. I've always felt this way and spent long, lonely nights researching how I can go live in some off the grid community. Even if I had the money to do so, which I don't, that wouldn't be fair on my kids or pets.

I agree in that I think modern capitalistic society is driven by technology, and, in some ways, we have created a monster that controls us - social networking that rots our attention spans, endless gadgets etc... However it is possible to live a life where these things do not dominate us. You can delete your Facebook account if you like, or swap your iPhone with an actual phone(!). I'd see "having fake social lives through binary code" as being an unnecessarily negative statement. I don't think that peoples' relationships have been devalued by social networking - in many ways its a great way of keeping up with people, seeing peoples' photos and what events they're going to and so on - its only if one uses it obsessively that it becomes a negative thing. For happy, emotionally healthy people, social networking is just a small part of their lives.

In terms of the effect of capitalism, I'd see far worse consequences in human life - look at the conditions in factories in Asia, for example, where the products are created in conditions of misery so that The West can have their gadgets. Yet the world has always been like this - there's always been suffering and hunger. And in many ways life is far better than it ever was - advances in medicine have made an enormous positive difference to peoples' lives, for example. And one can educate oneself completely for free now with internet access. I think that this is truly an amazing gift to have.

People are people, and will be people ,whether we are running around hunting lions, or messaging people on their iPhones.

-- Wed Jul 09, 2014 3:44 am --

theglassbuddha wrote:
Every part of me screams to run away but there's nowhere to go. If I didn't have kids and pets that need me, I'd be checking out for sure.

Please hang in there. From reading your posts you've had some very jofyul periods in your life, and you will again. Living in depression is absolutely brutal, and I feel for you, but it will pass.

I say that a lot...that I wasn't meant to succeed in this life. For different reasons than you have, though. I just seem to fail at everything I try, or wait too long and by the time I'm ready, the chance is gone. I'm trying to change this, trying to change a lot about my life so I don't feel like I'm a burden to my family and society...

"I wasn't built for this world" is part of my depressive mantra as well. I often yearn for a simpler life closer to nature, but I think this desire to escape the modern world (not so much media/tech for me, more the 9-5 structure and pursuit of money) is just an extension of my need to isolate myself during depression (I stop answering calls/texts from family and would sit in a different room to my girlfriend for hours on end, just ruminating). I do find being alone with nature is a great healer, especially when 'mixed' and my mood is low but my thoughts are racing. I'll go for a quiet walk through the woods or round the lake, it definitely helps soothe me, so I certainly understand the appeal.

I read a really interesting article once where the writer was hypothesising that certain mental illnesses once had evolutionary benefits. Bipolar was mentioned as one possibility. Manic symptoms like hypersexuality, sensory over stimulation, increased productivity, aggression and that powerful self belief, were actually beneficial during the mating/hunting season. The slowing down of motor skills and increased need for rest helped us to 'hibernate' and preserve energy in harsh winters. I can see how the apathy would be useful in this time also, as a sort of shield in a season when we were likely to experience at least some death within our group.

The triggers for these episodes would've been seasonal and I think a lot of people still notice a seasonal pattern to their mood swings. It's just that now we have so many more triggers to muck with our cycles and those benefits no longer exist in the same way they used to.

What you write about the being disconnected is so true, in my opinion. Sometimes because of my fear of being judged on being bipolar, this online community becomes like a safe haven for me to just be myself, share my sorrow and my struggles. Everyone around me gets tired of listening to the same old thing, I'm depressed, I'm depressed. Please know that you are not alone. I also pray for you to feel and have a glimmer of hope that you do not need to check out in order to feel peace or what it is that you are seeking. Real hope brings happiness and that is what I wish for you. (((hugs)))

Thank you all for your replies, I am feeling much better today after sleeping for 15 hours!

I often wish I could escape (and I was being over the top about the internet etc, it's probably been a life saver for many people, so I didn't actually mean that), as pointed out I think it's more about the modern world. But it was always just a desire and nothing too bad. I had watched a TED talk about depression and went from feeling the usual depressive numbness, to completely suicidal within 5 seconds. Pretty scary, the overwhelming desperation to run or die. I've never had that before.

-- Wed Jul 09, 2014 5:00 pm --

That's a really interested thought about mental illness being an evolutionary advantage. I've also read recently that the world wouldn't be as we know it now without the great minds of people during the great moments of hypomania. To affect so many people makes me wonder if mental illness is being selected and adapted. Perhaps "normal" people are not the evolutionary fit ones and we are, lol.