how much can you handle? *TW

Dear all,
I visit your forum out of obsessive curiosity. Not a good start, I admit. I ask for forgiveness. I am one of your borderline sisters, going through a extremely bad relapse after meeting a severe BP I. My illness means I see things that are not there, reality is mixed up. BUT.

Thing is I have managed to keep my thing at bay somehow.( we are the scum of all mental illnesses). until i have met a BP.

Now. I have been badly triggered back into my BPD by this guy. Why? because I feel he resonates with me. He is devastated by the illness. Mentally and physically. I know that getting closer to me would be good for both of us. But I am scared of hurting him. Or will he hurt me?

What a stupid question.

what is the fine line?

I am not young. I know the havoc i can create in sane people's life. i do not know about BD.

Forgive me. I am desperate.

We're all different, but it seems like that would make for a volatile relationship. During (hypo)manic episodes we tend to lack filters with what we say and may say things that trigger a BPD's abandonment fears. When the BPD acts out of that fear, it may snowball the mania, further worsening the fear. I'm sorry, I wish I could give a better picture...

thanks exiled for taking time for this.
yes you have been very clear and does make sense. there are all ingredients for a heart wrenching passionate disaster. being mad, this makes it all the more alluring how draining to constantly fight against impulses just to keep things together mostly by somebody else's standards.

i feel the guy pain. we obviously spotted each other immediately within a crowd.

yes, he will probably eat my heart out after perhaps offering each other a glimpse of paradise. a volatile moment of ecstasy.

let me ask you another thing, more specific. I am married, this would be a heart wrenching affair. Do you believe a BP can handle the uncommittment of an affair without getting totally manic and devastating my family? My heart, I can offer it to be devoured. My family no. It is the only fear that holds me back.

I am sorry for my stupid questions.

I still surprise myself when I find out what I'm capable of during episodes. There's no way I can tell you what someone else is capable of.

Hi Blackcat14:) I'd think it's more likely that the one with BPD is going to find it difficult to handle the lack of commitment that goes with an extramarital affair. Everyone is different, but I wouldn't think that factor alone would cause a person with BP to spiral into mania. It's more likely the decision to get involved with you may be made while hypomanic or manic (poor judgment, taking risks), and that's not good. Do you really think you can handle this? How are you going to avoid the desperate need for attachment and validation we BPDs seek? You are risking losing your family, I'd imagine. And that you've stated you cannot handle. You could try making a Cope Ahead plan, where you envision losing everything and coping well with it. I'm just thinking all around this isn't a great idea, and it sounds like you know this already from how you've been describing things on the forums;)

Caribee4me wrote:Hi Blackcat14:) I'd think it's more likely that the one with BPD is going to find it difficult to handle the lack of commitment that goes with an extramarital affair. Everyone is different, but I wouldn't think that factor alone would cause a person with BP to spiral into mania. It's more likely the decision to get involved with you may be made while hypomanic or manic (poor judgment, taking risks), and that's not good. Do you really think you can handle this? How are you going to avoid the desperate need for attachment and validation we BPDs seek? You are risking losing your family, I'd imagine. And that you've stated you cannot handle. You could try making a Cope Ahead plan, where you envision losing everything and coping well with it. I'm just thinking all around this isn't a great idea, and it sounds like you know this already from how you've been describing things on the forums;)

hi caribee4me thank you. i know you are right. As mentioned, I took days off work, got drunk and this morning I have packed the kids and moved to hour holiday house. i don't know. I think everything has already started.