Just checking in

Nice! Mount Batur is the volcano, I've cycled down from there to Ubud which is great. Padangbai is the port to Lombok, I spent some time there too and at the white sand beach. Yeah I was ill before I went, a manic episode took me there.
Getting ill there was not fun. I slept around and had a pregnancy scare with a local girl (though I suspect she was dishonest about that, it just didn't add up). A couple of months later I went into a bad depressive episode and knew I had to get home.
I booked the ticket and some friends packed me up and took me to the airport but I melted down. I remember being in the airport telling the security I was "having a bad day." That was an understatement. They took me to the doctor who said I couldn't fly. They then basically kicked me out of the airport and I must have asked a taxi to take me to the hospital.
Once I got there I remember sitting in the waiting area petrified and convinced people were terrified of me. Actually I think I was scared that people thought I had a bomb.
Eventually they admitted me and I spent about three days there until my sister arrived and took me home. In hospital I kept thinking the staff were trying to kill me and I could see myself on the news. In the airport I was hallucinating thinking there was a riot going on and I clearly remember seeing "Thankyou for closing our airport" scrolling across the screens. I also thought snipers were trying to take me out on the plane.
I don't know how I got home in that state, it was awful.
How did you find being ill overseas? Especially in Asia I found it hard because I was so paranoid with people speaking another language around me.
On another note, I feel I might be a bit hypomanic. I notice I've made a lot of plans and I'm a lot more restless at the moment. I'll raise it with the doc tomorrow

Hey

Confuzzled12 wrote:Nice! Mount Batur is the volcano, I've cycled down from there to Ubud which is great. Padangbai is the port to Lombok, I spent some time there too and at the white sand beach. Yeah I was ill before I went, a manic episode took me there.

It was really beautiful in Bali and I have a wonderful pic somewhere of the volcano. Yeah Padangbai rings a bell for sure.

I have been taken to a lot of places by being manic (i used to get badly hypomanic or manic without realising by doing nights before I was diagnosed and we had time off after nights so I used to go away on a whim around the world as I had the money to do it at the time).

Confuzzled12 wrote:Getting ill there was not fun. I slept around and had a pregnancy scare with a local girl (though I suspect she was dishonest about that, it just didn't add up). A couple of months later I went into a bad depressive episode and knew I had to get home.
I booked the ticket and some friends packed me up and took me to the airport but I melted down. I remember being in the airport telling the security I was "having a bad day." That was an understatement. They took me to the doctor who said I couldn't fly. They then basically kicked me out of the airport and I must have asked a taxi to take me to the hospital.
Once I got there I remember sitting in the waiting area petrified and convinced people were terrified of me. Actually I think I was scared that people thought I had a bomb.
Eventually they admitted me and I spent about three days there until my sister arrived and took me home. In hospital I kept thinking the staff were trying to kill me and I could see myself on the news. In the airport I was hallucinating thinking there was a riot going on and I clearly remember seeing "Thankyou for closing our airport" scrolling across the screens. I also thought snipers were trying to take me out on the plane.
I don't know how I got home in that state, it was awful.

This sounds like a total nightmare for you and like you certainly did not get the help you needed out there either. I understand about wondering about how on earth you got home from something. I ended up diverting a flight to make an emergency landing once when unwell on a flight home. Sounds like it was a really frightening experience for you - all the more so because you were away I would imagine and yeah def the language thing comes into play for sure.

Confuzzled12 wrote:How did you find being ill overseas? Especially in Asia I found it hard because I was so paranoid with people speaking another language around me.

It was pretty awful but no one knew and I did not realise I was ill either- I just got on with it and carried on travelling. I was clearly manic and had taken off to do some travelling through Thailand, Malaysia and Singapore and made a lot of iffy choices which I now can see were as a result of being manic- including carrying meds I nicked from work including opiates round Malaysia without a prescription In KL I got really hypersexual and flirted loads with this really gross man who was off an oil rig- he was an engineer or something there. I went on the piss with him and then agreed to go back to his hotel room to keep drinking. I kind of got cold feet when I got there but he ended up raping me. I escaped and manged to find my hotel somehow and walked in and was crying. The staff asked me if I was OK and i said I had been raped but they clearly did not want to hear that so a security guard escorted me to my room. Did not help my case that I was drunk. Next day I just got up, left KL and moved on like it was nothing. Must have shook me up tho as I left my itinery including details of flights and places I was staying in the hotel and had to call the UK to get them to fax another one to a random hotel. I have a lot of experiences of being ill and getting into stuff that is not so good. The language thing bothered me too.

Confuzzled12 wrote:On another note, I feel I might be a bit hypomanic. I notice I've made a lot of plans and I'm a lot more restless at the moment. I'll raise it with the doc tomorrow

Def raise this with your Dr

hugs

Cracked

That must have been quite an experience to travel so much while you were ill. Mixed blessing I'm sure? You must have some real stories to tell! I'm sorry to hear about what happened in KL. That response from the authorities is unfortunately very common.

I think I tried to get off the plane and my sister had to tell them I'm afraid of flying

Sounds like you had luck on your side that you didn't get into anymore trouble! I'm in the same boat. Things have worked out remarkably well considerably.

I spoke to my doc today and he agrees that I'm hypomanic. He's worried that it's because of the lexapro and he considered changing it but I persuaded him not to. I'm going to ride it out at the moment with valium as required to take the edge off the hypomania. I'll see how I go. I hate the edgy feeling though.

Confuzzled12 wrote:That must have been quite an experience to travel so much while you were ill. Mixed blessing I'm sure? You must have some real stories to tell! I'm sorry to hear about what happened in KL. That response from the authorities is unfortunately very common.

I had some amazing experiences which I am pretty sure I would not have had when well and gained a lot of life experience in general which has helped make me who I am. I def have some stories to tell Thank you about KL, I have worked through it and whilst not OK about it I have moved forward which is good. I am pretty angry in retrospect at their response tho - it is sad to hear that is common.

Confuzzled12 wrote:I think I tried to get off the plane and my sister had to tell them I'm afraid of flying

hugs and nothing to be ashamed of

Confuzzled12 wrote:Sounds like you had luck on your side that you didn't get into anymore trouble! I'm in the same boat. Things have worked out remarkably well considerably.

Definitely - i think I was very lucky to get away with things. I also carried prescription drugs without presciption to other places too and never got caught. I think I am very very lucky I have not been and need to learn a big lesson from that behaviour. Glad you did not get into trouble either - sounds like it would be the last thing you needed.

Confuzzled12 wrote:I spoke to my doc today and he agrees that I'm hypomanic. He's worried that it's because of the lexapro and he considered changing it but I persuaded him not to. I'm going to ride it out at the moment with valium as required to take the edge off the hypomania. I'll see how I go. I hate the edgy feeling though.

i am glad you spoke to your Dr. Do you have any ways you have of monitoring things to check they are not getting worse? Might be worth having a think about this.

hugs

Cracked

It's the double edged bipolar sword of having awesome unique experiences as well as some quite terrible ones. Certainly the great stories help!
I went yesterday and got photocopies of my prescriptions to take with this time. That should help keep me out of trouble The valium is helping a lot with the edginess but I don't like the idea of it long term. I think I'm a bit depressed at the thought that I was well for such a short period of time before slipping into hypomania.
The positive is that I took some time last night and filled out the forms for a disability pension and made the appointments with my doctors to get the reports. I can't see myself being well enough to work for a long time.
The downside was that I didn't really get much support from my family. They see me as writing myself off by going down this route. The main reason I'm doing it is to avoid the constant scrutiny and feeling that I'm a malingerer by the social security system here.
I don't want to be on a pension my whole life, I'd love to go back to work when I'm well enough, but imagine fighting the system for two years and then finding out I need the pension anyway!
I'm confident I satisfy the criteria to apply and with my problems I might find a bit of peace with that extra support. I have an interview/interrogation from social security tomorrow.
Today I donate blood, which is a positive in my books. It gets me out of the house and at least gives me a feeling that I can give something back to my country considering I have to take so much now

Turns out I'm unable to donate blood because I'm too unstable (plus I had a relationship with a foreign national) for at least six months. Disappointing!

That sucks about giving blood. I think I am not allowed to either for similar reasons plus I have self harm scars which I hear they are not keen on. Sorry to hear you were not allowed to.

I think it sounds like you have done a good thing re disability pension. I am on that too. it is not idel at all but it can be realistic and take some pressure off for you - I hope it helps. Let us know

Sending hugs

Cracked

I can't donate blood because of living in a country during a Mad Cow Disease scare.

I agree that the disability helps take some of the pressure off. I also experienced a lack of support from family when I decided to go ahead and do it. My dad literally told me that I was throwing away my life when I told him I had applied... All in all, I think it was one of the better decisions I've made...

@Cracked That cat...

With the disability and throwing your life away thing I think it is important to remember and also to remind others who are not being supportive that it does not necessaily mean you will be on it forever and also it will give you time to work on stability. This is a positive thing.

re cat

Cracked

I should also add that my dad has become more supportive over the years. Probably due to him seeing that I'm making an effort to become more stable.