Been gone for a while...rebuilding

Hey all,

I've not been on here for quite a long time. I've been having problems and have been back in hospital, but am back home now and doing much better. I have been having ECT again, and have had 12 treatments now, which has helped my mood massively. I am really just trying to put my life back together, once again. I have given up my career (I am not working at the moment but have been offered a new job that I am due to start in a month), and am really having to rethink the rest of my life as well. I am so tired of all this rebuilding.

How do you guys deal with it? The constantly putting life back together, episode after episode? I am really struggling to stay positive even though I am feeling better.

Cheers, keenie

Good to have you back. Great your therapy is working for you.
Im glad to be back also, its good for us to be here.

Good news Keenie, I'm happy for you! I hope your new job works out for you.

keenie wrote:How do you guys deal with it? The constantly putting life back together, episode after episode? I am really struggling to stay positive even though I am feeling better.

Sorry, I got nothing. But I'm not exactly in a positive mood, that's probably having an influence. Just take it one step at a time, I guess. This is worthless advice, I'm sorry, I just wanted to reply to let you know I am happy ECT has helped so much, but I have nothing to add.

Best of luck!

Hi keenie,

It sounds like you've been going through a really difficult time recently, so I'm very glad to hear the ECT has been successful in getting your mood stable again.

As to your question of how to remain positive in the face of seemingly constant rebuilding, I don't have any easy answers and it's one of the major things that grinds me down about the illness. It leaves me in fear of relapse and all its consequences on my life as a whole.

At the moment, although my mood has fortunately been stable for over a year, I'm still struggling to get to where I was before my last period of severe mood instability, in terms of my life in general.

I was last ill for over two years straight, starting with a major manic episode triggered by the stress of working in a job I disliked, in an isolated town abroad. Then because of two quite inadequate psychiatrists I was seeing during that time, the subsequent depression wasn't treated effectively. I threw myself into another full time job abroad, but that only lasted six months. By the time I landed upon my current (very good) psychiatrist, I'd suffered every type of mood episode possible, and presented to him in a mixed state.

I feel like I've been razed to the ground through that experience and have had to begin to build myself up from scratch, so I certainly understand where you're coming from.

Although things have improved a lot for me, I'm still stuck in a situation I don't want (deliberately working part-time and living with my parents), because of my bipolar.

I wonder if you're having any talk therapy to deal with your feelings? I've been doing CBT for over a year and think it helps with my negative thought patterns and self-criticism. Also, using this forum personally helps me and if there are any face-to-face support groups in your area, you might look into that?

I hope you also have the support of family and friends in what you're facing. I'm lucky to have that, although to be honest only the couple of friends that happen to have a MI can really 'get it'. It sounds as if you're doing everything you can to put things back together, so try to recognise this achievement if possible. Congrats on your new job, and I hope it's a great stepping stone in this process. All the best.

I'm glad your ECT was effective and you are home again.
Letting go of a career would be difficult. Money aside, a whole lot of my identity was tied to my work. I would miss it.

I hope the new job works out.
Take care,

Hey guys.

Thanks for replying.

I am plugging away but having very low days, just thinking about all I have thrown away. The weird thing is, I think I'm actually better. I don't think it's my physiology making me feel rubbish- the ECT has sorted that out. It's just that now I'm better I'm thinking about what I've lost, and it's all the more evident to me now I'm better.

I do have a therapist, which helps. And my family are amazing, they are so supportive, although sometimes I think they run out of things to say to ake me feel better. I guess I just got to keep going and hope for the best...

Cheers peeps,
keenie

"How do you guys deal with it? The constantly putting life back together, episode after episode? I am really struggling to stay positive even though I am feeling better."

I often ask this to myself, wish could have an answer... the problem is not only "getting your $#%^" together, but it's everything that changes in-between, from jobs to plans, to goals and friends and purposes...
After being "stable", suppose life is so unpredictable, I take a day at a time, and tomorrow, as a matter of fact, never happens!

I believe your question is how do l deal with constantly having to start from scratch. The way I deal with this is with ANGER/ INTENSE SELF HATRED/ And daily pity parties. What a cruel disease that can take 10 years of work and burn it to the ground before you even grasp what's going on. All that it took to get you there and maybe a few short months maybe even less your possessions your wife your friends and anything else that mattered to you is gone. Then what do you do if your like me suicide is out of the option so you got to do something to move on. Honestly after I lost everything that matterred last time I kind of gave up I figured what's the point your going to lose it all again anyway why put yourself through it again. Now that has left me in kind of a limbo for a year making no effort to rebuild. Just in the past few months ive become dedicated to understand my illnesses better in hopes that the knowwledge will make me more stable
L

I haven't figured out how to rebuild again after losing two careers to this illness. The thought of starting again feels overwhelming and when I start to really get into the planning process, I proceed to go downhill with anxiety and depression. I'm currently thinking the only solution is to go back to school and learn a trade or new skill for yet another career.

keenie wrote:Hey all,

I've not been on here for quite a long time. I've been having problems and have been back in hospital, but am back home now and doing much better. I have been having ECT again, and have had 12 treatments now, which has helped my mood massively. I am really just trying to put my life back together, once again. I have given up my career (I am not working at the moment but have been offered a new job that I am due to start in a month), and am really having to rethink the rest of my life as well. I am so tired of all this rebuilding.

How do you guys deal with it? The constantly putting life back together, episode after episode? I am really struggling to stay positive even though I am feeling better.

Cheers, keenie

Well. I am currently trying to put my life back together. I just got out of the hospital 2 months ago after my first major long term manic/mixed episode. I lost my living aragments, a good chunk of money, a lot of my friends and "support" network, and my major hobby. In fact, the only thing I didn't lose is my full time job and my life.

I am trying to take it one day at a time. But it's rough. Including now that everyone at work knows and I believe they secretly don't think I should be there.

Such is the lot I have in life I guess.