Anyone else sick of the pole dance?

It's happened... Again.
Iv noticed from my mood charts over the last week that iv gone from deep depression to above ok relatively quickly. Pretty much skipped the normal range completely. The last 48 hours iv been stupidly high, my thoughts are racing again, can't sit still, psychotic symptoms increasing and iv got a huge urge to just go and get very drunk. Iv start flirting with an old partner despite being in a relationship and knowing it's wrong. It's like I can't help myself, like iv lost myself AGAIN.

My cpn is coming out tomorrow as the quetiapine didn't react wel with me again and she's spoken to the pdocs so I assume it'll be to discuss meds as she knows I'm high right now, but she didn't mention a prescription like she usually does over meds.. So I'm scared that they are just going to leave me like this

I'm sick of this bipolar bollocks. I just want to be me again

Sure hope it gets better for you. I been sick of this same old s-ht for over 30 years. Going thru alot myself , hyper, manic, lost distracted. I enetrtained the tought of drinking again but i know i would lose everythign if i did that. So im pretty much stuck with Dr prescribed meds to cope.
I hear you. I thought it was going good. And it happened again.
Sometimes i think when its going good , it time to say becareful , something is about to happen, and its not going to be good.

I can definitely understand where you're coming from in feeling like this, and hope that both of you get back to being stable again as soon as possible. What you could call the 'seesaw effect'/'pole dance' of bipolar is truly exhausting and one of the most difficult aspects of the illness for me to accept.

I consider myself really fortunate to have a very good psychiatrist and have been in remission for over a year now, but prior to that, my treatment was completely inadequate, and I suffered constant mood instability for over two years. The experience of going through every type of episode possible in that time (including full-blown psychotic mania) is still very raw, and I'm yet to get back to being totally 'myself'.

The longevity of that episode left me feeling shattered as a person, and I've had to limit my life in certain ways e.g. deliberately only working part time, to try to minimise stress- which is always my biggest trigger, especially for high moods. Like the other me says, with this illness you have to watch out when you're feeling good. It feels like a constant struggle, but I think there's hope in that, the more you understand your personal triggers/symptoms, the earlier episodes can be caught.

Right now, I'm doing all I can to prevent stress from my family situation sending me into instability, with the support of my therapist and psychiatrist.

I think the 'pole dance' is something only others with the condition can really understand, so I'm really glad to have this forum where people can genuinely relate.