Mood meds, subdued mania, SAO, loss of relationships. . .

How's that for a title?
I was on here a few months back, and posted a few things. Well, it's been a few months and I've not posted anything since. Here is where I am right now:

I attempted to break up with my gf last fall. I am pretty sure we have been in a co-dependent relationship since it started and, in hindsight, we've both been extremely unhappy. But, it also appears we've been in love. Healthy? Who knows. We'll see how this all plays out.

So I tried to leave. It lasted 2 days and in that time, I had sex with one of my longest and dearest friends, Mindy. We did it 3 more times over the winter, ending in February. Um, meanwhile, I was also sleeping with another woman I met through some mutual friends.

Now - I went back to the gf after those 2 days because she chased and chased me. I am absolutely in love with her and do not want to lose her. One of the conditions of my returning home was that I start treatment. Instead of tx, I opted the PDoc route. She kept telling me to go and I always refused. I got on meds, instead.

Throughout this time, I'd not told her about my sexual affairs. On Mother's Day, the gf found an inappropriate of me I'd sent to Mindy. She confronted me, confronted her, and it was a battle for nearly two weeks (about inappropriate sexting). By this point, the gf was starting to check out. Again, I realized I am in a world of hurt. I started in a sex addict group three weeks ago (right after the sext pic) and start individual on Friday.

On Friday, May 23rd, Mindy contacted the gf and confessed to the affair. . . She didn't talk to me about it, didn't text me, did not include me in this decision to out me. So, yeah - that sucks. The gf confronted me about the sex and I denied for about 2 minutes and then resigned that was a horrible idea. So, I admitted it. And immediately admitted to the second one. She was (rightly so) devastated. She IS (rightly so) devastated. Historically, I would have totally flipped out and lashed out on her. Placing blame on her for my mistakes was a staple in our relationship. And ragingly so. Like end-up-getting-hurt rage. With my new meds, however, I am totally calm about the whole thing. I am still emotional, but I am not a maniac. She doesn't understand that. She thinks I a full of $#%^, will snap back to who I was before and continue neglecting her. I am not seeing that.

I've been slapped in the face more in the last three weeks than my entire life prior. And I don't care. I am not argumentative (as had been the case for years), I am conciliatory (as had NOT been the case for years), and I want nothing but to help her through the $#%^ show I've caused.

80+% of the time, she is a total raging vicious puma. The other 20ish% she shows her loving, caring, gentle side. It is so sad to me. I just want to fix it, but I know it takes a whole lot of time and I am just anxious to help. And selfishly, I want her to get better, feel better, heal - because then MY life would be easier.

She's broken up with me - even seeing a guy with whom she used to be romantic (I've called him the Golden Boy for years). She has said she is single and available. I still say I have a gf. . . And, oh yeah, we still live together. That's a little messy. We even talk about the times she is with GB. I come home, or she comes home, and we talk about our days. Also messy - because every day thus far, she's seen him - excluding weekends and holidays.

That was all set up - here is the point: She is checked out. I've been asking her every day for three weeks to come to tx with me. She's run the gamut of nos. "###$ you," "###$ that," "Hell no," "Go to Hell," - you name it. She's said in order for tx to work, there needs to be commitment by both parties - and she's just not committed.

Today, I asked again, and she said, "Maybe." That's huge.

It sounds like a pretty sick relationship.
I think your best bet is to help the gf move out and for you to continue your treatment. I have to assume it is some kind of sex addict group therapy because you do not say.

There is a whole other forum for people with sexual issues. Maybe the people there will have more understanding.

The person I feel sorry for is your gf. She might benefit from counselling for why she can't live without a man who treats her with so little respect.

I just don't know what else to say.

I'm not sure I understand. I understand your Bipolar, but is it you, or both who are co-dependent? It sounds like a bit of both, with my uneducated opinion.

I'm with Skilsaw on this one. She needs to move out and both of you need to move on. She needs to fix her issues and that's her own responsibility (not yours), and I'm sure you're trying to also fix your issues.

Good luck.