scary thoughts and severe depression *TRIGGER WARNING*

TRIGGER WARNING: IF YOU'RE DEPRESSED OR PSYCHOTIC RIGHT NOW, OR IF READING ABOUT DEPRESSION FEELINGS MIGHT TRIGGER YOU, STOP READING IMMEDIATELY.

Ok, I've never felt like this before, I mean, I have, but this time is very scary. I will not say what my thoughts are for safety reasons, I mean, I don't want to trigger anyone, I don't want anyone to be hurt or something like that.

As some of you probably know, and this is why I'm writing in this forum, I have bipolar disorder and I'm currently on medication (Lamictal 75mg). What's happening right now is that a sudden and violent depression is making me feel horrible, I can't stop crying and shaking. I just need to calm down and talk to someone. My mom's sleeping, but if I wake her up and she sees me in this condition (sweating and crying) she will get scared and I don't want that. So I'm trying to calm down alone, but I don't know how and don't know what to do. First thing I thought was writing here and ask someone how to cope with these feelings right now. I couldn't even access the site from my computer or phone (with different connections) for some reason, and felt incredibly lost, cause I have no one to talk to right now. (Please mods, check your inbox because I sent you a message to clarify this situation. Thank you).

What triggered these thoughts were memories of a traumatic past experience I had. That's what made me start crying, shaking and triggered this severe depression I'm experiencing right now.

So I'm totally lost. Totally. I don't know what to do, I don't know whether to wake my mother up or not....and what could she do, after all? Trying to call one of my best friends but she's probably sleeping (it's late night here) and won't answer the phone.

I'm being very paranoid right now, and although I'm used to having paranoid ideas, they're too strong now and I don't know how to deal with this. I think I'm in danger and that the police is spying on me. I feel in danger for some reason, and I don't know whether this is real or not. I don't know what's going on and what to do and no, I don't want to be hospitalized, because I still can handle the situation, I'm not completely gone. I wouldn't be asking for help here if I was totally psychotic.

Take a deep breath, then call an ambulance to take you to hospital.
An alternative choice is the police to drive you to the hospital, but with your paranoia, this may not be possible.
A final option is take a taxi to the hospital.

Notice that all three options end up in the hospital.

I had to go to the hospital one night. Once there, I did not feel so alone. A nurse saw me in the Emergency waiting room about once every hour for 3 hours. In the end, they gave me some medication for anxiety, and a couple pills to take home until I could see my doctor in the morning.

There is a way through this.
You are not alone.

Take Care.

No way I'm calling the police.

There is no hospital here. There are no taxis here.

I can handle this alone. I know I can.

ElKahn wrote:I can handle this alone. I know I can.

Make it through until morning.
Then your mother will be up, and you will not be alone,

Take care.

Do you have anything that will help you sleep? Have you ever been on any anti psychotics? I'm on a low dose right now...they are helping me sleep and helping me with some of the crazy thoughts I was having. I was feeling in danger all the time too. That sucks. Hope you're OK.

Hey

Hope I was able to reassure you a bit re access to the site - I have had problems too and I think others have. Not a good time for it to happen tho by the sounds of it for you.

How are you feeling now? I think that if you are still feeling bad then I would present at the ER/A&E - I know you said there are no hospitals but do you mean psych hospitals? Hopefully you have access to a ER/A&E. Your safety comes first and this includes waking your Mum too if you need to as it sounds like you are struggling.

I hope that this finds you doing better but if you are not I think you really need to wake your Mum and ask for help - plus go to the hospital to be assessed - it does not need to be a psych one as they can refer you to psych if needed.

Keep safe

Cracked

I'm okay now.
I managed to calm down without taking any meds and without waking my mom up.
I slept a lot and even though I'm very tired and still a little bit shocked for what happened, I'm ok and able to function properly again.

Moments like this happen to me from time to time. Sometimes they last for 2-3 days, sometimes just one day or night....
I guess Lamictal is helping a lot, because my depressive phases lasted more when I wasn't on it or when I was on lower doses.

Back to stable mood now

Thank you all for the support.