Introducing myself (a basket case) here

Hi, though I've been active on other forums (BPD), I'm also Bipolar 2, and thought I'd introduce myself here and check this forum out. I'd love to meet some people here and hear about their experiences and how they've learned (or not) to cope.

I'm 30 yrs old, male, was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 about a year ago, though I suspected it many years ago. I'm also a borderline. I've been unhappy and suicidal since the age of 13.

I was bullied horribly and alienated as a child. Now, during adulthood, not much has changed ... the bullying has only changed forms ... adults bully others in more subtle ways, with sugarcoated words.

I hear the words "confidence" and "happiness" all the time, but have no idea what they mean.

I fear my hypomanic episodes the most because those are times when I make some really stupid decisions, some examples being - promising people favors I wouldn't normally promise, writing (and sometimes, even apologizing) to ex-gfs, coming up with grandiose and unrealistic personal goals. After the hypomania evaporates, all that's left is an overwhelming embarrassment and guilt and shame at the realization of all I did while hypomanic.

When depressed, I may go so far as to sleep on the floor in my living room, because of fear of the dark. Breakups are the worst ... after a long-term relationship years ago, I couldn't breathe upon hearing my ex say she was breaking up with me (over the phone).

That's enough for now Please do say hi and tell me a bit about yourselves.

Thanks for reading.

Hi and welcome! You've been through a lot and I'm sorry for that I won't introduce myself as you already know me just wanted to welcome you.

Basket cases are welcomed here. I have some fears that I've chased everyone away but I'm sure others will respond... Ok almost everyone since someone just responded while I typed this...

I'm 38, and have been dx'd with bipolar for several years. First diagnosis was in 2005 and was Schizoid PD, Narcissistic PD, and Schizophrenia co-morbid. The diagnoses slowly morphed into bipolar over the years. I was also DX'd with autism at one point which also explains a lot...

As a kid, I lived a sheltered life so there was no overt bullying. I don't see myself as an unhappy kid, but I first started self-harming at 12. I'm still trying to figure out why I did. My sister first attempted suicide at around the same time. I'm thinking there might have been a connection between the two.

First psychotic episode was early 20s. Graduated valedictorian from both high school and college for what it counts. (and it doesn't considering I'm now disabled...) I've never been in a long term relationship. The closest I got was a manic episode in which I became engaged to a girl after talking to her online for a week, went on one date, crashed, and never talked to her again. I don't even know what her name was... I don't have a strong desire to get into a relationship. Sometimes I think about it then realize I would actually have to talk to her on a regular basis. One of these days I'm going to build a robot girlfriend but I'm struggling with some ethical issues about it. If I make an AI that becomes self-aware, at what point does informed consent become an issue? I mean, when does what amounts to a glorified vibrator become deserving of humane treatment? /sigh The things that keep me up at night...

hmm.. anything else? Oh... I'm going to turn my disability check into a million dollars in 5 years... Wish me luck...

Basket cases are welcomed here. I have some fears that I've chased everyone away

Secretly, I feel this way too.

Hi and welcome

Glad you decided to come check this place out

I think feeling pretty awful about what you did whilst mood was elevated is quite common- i certainly recognise it and I know other ppl here do too. Not easy to deal with and you need to become quite proficient in forgiving yourself I find

Sounds like with the dual diagnosis you have a fair amount to be dealing with. I hope we can help support you here

Hugs

Cracked

I just got half way through my answer and somehow deleted my whole message.
I know it is not a sign from God. I hit some wrong key and the computer just did what it is supposed to do when that key is hit.

I'm a basket case too.
Take care,

CrackedGirl wrote:Hi and welcome

Glad you decided to come check this place out

I think feeling pretty awful about what you did whilst mood was elevated is quite common- i certainly recognise it and I know other ppl here do too. Not easy to deal with and you need to become quite proficient in forgiving yourself I find

Sounds like with the dual diagnosis you have a fair amount to be dealing with. I hope we can help support you here

Hugs

Cracked

Thanks, Cracked ! It's always good to hear from you

-- Wed May 28, 2014 8:12 pm --

skilsaw wrote:I just got half way through my answer and somehow deleted my whole message.
I know it is not a sign from God. I hit some wrong key and the computer just did what it is supposed to do when that key is hit.

I'm a basket case too.
Take care,

LOL, thanks

-- Wed May 28, 2014 8:12 pm --

Crawling wrote:Hi and welcome! You've been through a lot and I'm sorry for that I won't introduce myself as you already know me just wanted to welcome you.

Thanks, Crawling ! Hello again

-- Wed May 28, 2014 8:16 pm --

Exiled. wrote:Basket cases are welcomed here. I have some fears that I've chased everyone away but I'm sure others will respond... Ok almost everyone since someone just responded while I typed this...

I'm 38, and have been dx'd with bipolar for several years. First diagnosis was in 2005 and was Schizoid PD, Narcissistic PD, and Schizophrenia co-morbid. The diagnoses slowly morphed into bipolar over the years. I was also DX'd with autism at one point which also explains a lot...

As a kid, I lived a sheltered life so there was no overt bullying. I don't see myself as an unhappy kid, but I first started self-harming at 12. I'm still trying to figure out why I did. My sister first attempted suicide at around the same time. I'm thinking there might have been a connection between the two.

First psychotic episode was early 20s. Graduated valedictorian from both high school and college for what it counts. (and it doesn't considering I'm now disabled...) I've never been in a long term relationship. The closest I got was a manic episode in which I became engaged to a girl after talking to her online for a week, went on one date, crashed, and never talked to her again. I don't even know what her name was... I don't have a strong desire to get into a relationship. Sometimes I think about it then realize I would actually have to talk to her on a regular basis. One of these days I'm going to build a robot girlfriend but I'm struggling with some ethical issues about it. If I make an AI that becomes self-aware, at what point does informed consent become an issue? I mean, when does what amounts to a glorified vibrator become deserving of humane treatment? /sigh The things that keep me up at night...

hmm.. anything else? Oh... I'm going to turn my disability check into a million dollars in 5 years... Wish me luck...

Wow, that's quite a story. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles

Do you really not feel the desire to be in a relationship ?

Thanks for responding, and for sharing.

Hey, thanks for posting, it sounds like you have some really tough stuff to deal with. Welcome to the forum.

Male 35 Bipolar here, with anxiety + alcohol problem.

I see in your sig that you do weights. Me too I find it really helpful as a way of escaping from my own thoughts without the aid of drugs / alcohol. Have you tried meditation at all?