Family stress triggering mood instability

Hi everyone,

I'm struggling quite a bit at the moment as the stress from my family situation is (and always has been) a potential trigger for my mood instability. Long story short, I grew up in a highly dysfunctional home, with parents that just should not have ever got married in my opinion. Myself and my sister witnessed a lot of emotional, verbal and sometimes physical abuse and lived in a state of constant fear.

The situation only got worse when my dad accepted a job abroad and my mum began an affair which lasted about 8 years. During this time, my mum moved her partner in to live with us, unknown to my dad- and proceeded to spend the hard earned money he was sending to support us on her partner's cars, mortgage, and to support their gambling addiction. It all came to a head when I was about 14, as my dad suspected she was having an affair and asked us outright. At this point, my sister and I could no longer keep lying.

However, my parents decided to stay in their 'marriage' and although now living apart in separate countries, my dad returns to live at the family home for a few months at a time.

I'm enduring one of these such visits now, and my situation is sending my mood down (with broken sleep, anxiety, reduced appetite etc.). Also, my sister, who no longer lives at home, is showing some signs of MI herself and is due to see a doctor next week.

Can anyone relate to family stress as a major trigger? Is there anything you can suggest to help minimise its effects and stop the mood instability escalating?

I'm on medication (600 mg Carbamazepine), see a psychiatrist regularly and have a CBT session every couple of weeks. Up to this point I've been in remission since March '13 and am desperate not to be ill again. It's not a viable option for me to move out, as I only work part-time because of my bipolar, so I feel quite trapped.

Thanks in advance to anyone who's read this very long post! x

YES..My family life was and still can be at moments,extremely dysfunctional.My parents also should have never got together..never married..never reproduced.They both had way too many issues which they never became mature enough to handle.The last thing they needed was children.But they had them..and plenty.My father molested me at a very young age,and a few of the other sisters.He is unmedicated bipolar and extremely narcisstic.He is arrogantly entitled.I had a childhood of hell because I ratted him out on the molestation.The sisters who said nothing and tolerated it got many perks from ,ponies..cars..paid college.I got nothing except rages and demoralized,and I also became a target child,because I spoke of the abuse....

Fast forward now.Im in my 40s.My parents are in their 80s.I was NOMINATED to be their sole caretakers,even though other siblings are more capable then me.I have a illness that causes my joints great pain..fevers..ect.My other siblings are healthy.Im in your situation which is stuck.I suffer from severe anxiety,PTSD,and God knows what else.I have terrible intrusive thoughts of my past and abuse.I have alot of irritation/anger,as I feel my mother allowed the abuse,was aware of it,denies it,plays it down,did nothing to put a stop to it...It was better one of her children get targeted then herself.Very immature.Maybe she has stockholm?At this point I dont care.

My advice to you is try to save money,try to realize the abuse was never about you,but a transfer of someone elses immaturity,mental health issues,and anger about themselves,onto you.Try to realize that you have been a victim of abuse,but it wont always be this way,nor will it have to stay that way.Speak up.Doesnt matter you are living under their roof.NO ONE has the right to bully..victimize..abuse you.Not even family.Bring up your thoughts on the abuse.Finger point.Call people out.This will most liekly cause some explosive raging arguments at first as they try to grasp at lame excuses for their behaviour.But you have to let them know you are aware their behaviour was abusive and you wont tolerate being the target of their anger towarrds each other,transferred onto you.Seek therapy if you can.You dont want to end up like them.We are products of our enviorment sometimes...I wish you peace and hope you find happiness..light and joy in life that you so deserve..XX * i hope this doesnt double post,forgive me if it does*

It sounds really difficult for you to be putting up with this situation and I am not surprised that it would be getting to you. I have had issues with family stress being a trigger for my mood to go off in the past. This has improved a lot nowadays - I think in part due to therapy but it still is there at times. I am not sure what the best thing is to suggest other than to try to detatch yourself from the situation emotionally if you can. My therapist suggested a sh*t shield which I would imagine would deflect any upsetting things ppl said to me or around me - worked quite well. I hope that you are able to find some techniques to also deflect things. Not an easy situation to be in at all

Hugs

Cracked

I agree with what everyone has said already.

In my opinion too, family stress does hurt you. I would get traumatized after my mom's visits. Nowadays I don't visit much and I don't allow them to visit much either. I make up a story of why it's not a good time to come and see us.

Thanks for your responses, everyone. I feel much better just reading them... To know I'm not alone and that others can relate is comforting in a sense, although of course I wish none of you had to struggle with these difficulties either.

starbright333- I can't imagine the amount of pain you've been through, especially with the childhood sexual abuse and being punished for speaking out. You're certainly an incredibly strong and brave person who clearly acts with integrity.
I'm sorry to hear that the sole responsibility of caring for your elderly relatives has unfairly landed on you, and your anger over this is more than justified. The good thing is you have an in depth understanding of how dysfunctional they are and can hopefully avoid repeating those patterns.
Thank you for your advice and I'll take that on board. I sincerely hope my situation will change in time, as right now, although I'm depending on my parents financially and practically, it's clearly doing my own emotional state a lot of damage. I often think it's no wonder I've developed the MI that is keeping me in this situation in such an environment.

CrackedGirl- Thank you so much for your support and understanding. I've often been described as 'highly sensitive' and naturally react quite emotionally to events, which can lead to me turning my feelings inwards and ruminating. Hopefully the effort I'm putting into CBT at the moment will help me become a bit more resilient, and I like the idea of the shield. I certainly need one right now!

quietgirl2538- Thanks for echoing others' advice and I'm really sorry you're struggling with this too. I'm sure it's not easy to have to avoid your family but you have to put yourself first. At the moment I'm dependent on my family which is the hardest part and feel as if I'm in a double bind.

By the way, I saw my CBT therapist today and she's said she'll let my psychiatrist (who I saw only a few days ago) how I'm feeling, so they're aware. I think the fact my sister is now showing some signs of MI was the 'last straw' in terms of triggering me recently. In the meantime, I'm doing all I can to prevent my mood becoming more unstable, and will keep monitoring the situation. Thanks again.