Irritating

i make plans so i know i would have something to do and feel accomplished on that day. but now, the person i made plans with cancelled on me; 'i'm too lazy to go' being the reason. it's irritating me at the moment and i don't know what to do. i'm not using bipolar as an excuse but i feel like it was such an effort for me to make plans and actually build myself up to look forward to it. especially nowadays since i've been feeling so down.

i feel so angry so i walked away from the situation. but now its making me cry because i feel like a failure as this was the one thing i really wanted to get done today. i dont know what to do. i don't even know if i make sense right now.

Hi! I can relate. I used to take it really personally when someone cancelled on me. I am bipolar too. When a person cancelled at the last minute I was convinced the person didn't like me, but as I am older, I do not take it personally. If someone cancels on me I often think of something else to do, for example what you want to do tomorrow. My therapist once said that my thoughts should be like clouds passing by in the sky and that as the cloud goes out of view that that is when I should drop the thought. It took me 6 months to understand what she was talking about, but for the most part I use this cloud recommendation because it always makes me get up and move forward. There is always another cloud after it, and maybe that cloud will create a better day.

The biggest thing that I realized in the last three months is that fighting things that make my day bad is not productive. I would recommend that you think about the fact that once something happens all we can do is move forward. Forward may mean planning something to see the same person another day, or it may mean doing something like getting a manicure or taking a hike for the rest of the day. Even if your friend canceled on bad attentions, understand that what one thinks is good response to a situation may seem entirely rude to another person.

Puanani's advice is very good.
I internalize and personalize little incidents too.
I like the cloud metaphor.

I'm going canoeing tomorrow for 4 or 5 days. If the weather is good, 5 days. If it is cool and wet, we will try and be finished in 3 days. If something happens now to change our plans, I will be seriously bummed out.

I have a week long canoe trip that I tentatively planned for late June, but now it appears my son won't be able to come with me until August. That's a disappointment so I have to stay positive and look forward to August.

I'm sorry others had to read what i posted. I didn't mean to rant on this forum for no reason. At the time i wrote them, I was feeling so down and disappointed and just vulnerable. I was in a really bad place and needed to get them out. I'm not a very social person and it takes effort for me to be comfortable being around people in general.

On good days, i would also drop the issue without much emotion. But lately, i feel so drained and just barely existing in this space. I have a lot of work to catch up on but I don't feel any enthusiasm on trying to get them done (i was so excited over them a couple of weeks ago) or even the urgency of finishing within the deadline.

I know this might just be a down phase i might have to ride out for awhile. Thank you for the advice both of you.

edit: Welcome to the forum puanani, i noticed you just joined and i hope you find this place helpful and supportive.