triggered a few weeks ago. depressive episode? *tw*

so....hi, first off. i used to post a lot over at the BPD forum and came here after i was diagnosed with bipolar II. i never really posted much but i was wondering if anyone experienced this ever.


so a few weeks ago, my brother (who has special needs) called me fat, twice. it really triggered me a lot, started feeling suicidal and depressed. it really shook me to the core. he's my everything -- and if there's anybody i have to live for, it's him. i started planning my death -- had a plan, everything. my grandmother, whom i live with, took my pills and still has them. so really i have no way to do anything, unless i went for over the counter stuff which i don't think would work so yeah. anyway, i'm feeling really bad after this. like, my brother apologized since then, and it hurt me to hear him say, "you don't love me anymore." i understand though that he didn't understand what he was saying. i accepted his apology. but i still can't shake this depressive spell i'm in. it has to do with a lot of stuff -- i might not have a therapist for a few months, my group therapy just started a new rule where you have to take classes to be a part of it now (it's at a university), and i'm not taking summer classes....and i dunno. i just can't do this anymore....

has anybody ever experienced a mood episode triggered by something that happened in their life? is it maybe just me cycling again? last time this happened, they attributed it to a medicine i was on (klonopin) causing depression. i think it was a mood issue. i might end up going in the hospital if this persists, which i really, really don't want, because my first time was a horrible experience.

thanks for your input in advance.
-ev

Reminds me of the story of Sir Winston Churchill.
A woman said to him, "Sir Winston, you are drunk."
To which he replied, "and you are ugly. Tomorrow I will be sober."

Your brother's comment must have been the straw that broke the camel's back. On it's own, it is not particularly hurtful, because you love him, and understand his limitations. But the comment was the final straw.

See if your therapy group leader can recommend another group for you to belong to over the summer. Otherwise you will have to just grit your teeth and hold on until September. But that is pretty poor advice. You need more than that right now.

Stay in touch here. The contributors to the forum are informed and very caring.

Take care,

Thanks Skilsaw. Still feeling like crap today. I called my therapist at 2:47 today and she still hasn't called back. she usually does though so i'm trying to be nice. Thanks for the idea of asking my group therapist for a rec for another group. I think I will do that.

but yeah i think it was that it was the last straw. just really can't do this anymore.



but thank you for your help. it helps to know someone cares.

-Ev