Anxiety Issues

Okay, I don't know where to start with. I've been inactive on the forum, because, I've been feeling pretty stable. I didn't continue taking Abilify, because, yes, I'm feeling good. I know, I know, it's not a rational thing to do, but hear me out. I wanted to check on other things, and I've been waiting for this stable phase. It's very hard for me to identify if I've anxiety during bipolar episodes. I'll be asking the doctor about it.

Semester just started. I've been sleeping on an average 6-7 hours daily. No coffee overdose. In fact, working fine without coffee. But, I eat less. It seems that I can't digest anything if I eat anything before lectures. If the lecture is interesting, I get excited about it, and I can't eat anything because, if I eat I've to make a good visit to the toilet. So, mostly, I eat only once during the day properly. I still have worries and tension all the time. (Even though, I feel like I'm stable, I have fantasized about death twice last week.) If I have a small harmless argument with anyone, the thought of it would eat my brain in and out. I can't concentrate on the food while eating. I shampoo my hair twice before realizing it. I've this lightheaded-ness, and feel like the surroundings are circling. I'm tired all the time, not enough energy. Body pain during night time. Frequent hot flashes. The lectures are 90 minutes long and I can't sit through one after 60 minutes. Dry throat and fever is very common these days. I need alcohol before performing (dancing or DJ-ing) anywhere.

Now, I'm pretty sure, I'm not hyopmanic. I'm hyper, yes, but not to that extent. I'm not that depressed either. Does anyone of you relate to the things above?

Recently, I've realized that I've problems with boarding a bus. I suddenly feel dizzy and nauseating inside a bus. It scares the s**t out of me and I feel like I need to get down right there and then. My breathing becomes abnormal. Throat all dry. One day, I was walking back home during night-time, and suddenly, I went dizzy and lost my balance. I felt like, I was passing out, and I could hear my heart pounding. I calmed down after two minutes, though. It happened to me again in a club. The club was crowded that day, and all I could think was getting the hell out of there. I've been to really crowded clubs and bars with my friends before, but, I don't know what happened that day. It was so scary. I just couldn't breathe properly and felt like suffocated. My throat suddenly all dry and as soon as I came out it, I was fine. Pure wave of relief all over my mind.
These episodes are longer when I'm in bus. I always take a seat nearby door, because I'm scared that I'll have similar episodes again and I won't be able to get off the bus as soon as I'd like to.

Does anything sound familiar?

hi

Sorry you have stuff going on. I am not here as a professional and I think it would be worth asking your Dr but what you are relating sounds to me a lot like descriptions I have heard of panic attacks. The ones on the bus and in the club. I think it would be worth asking your Dr because if it is them there are ways of learning how to control them which might help you. Anxiety is pretty common in BP to my knowledge

Cracked

CrackedGirl wrote:hi

Sorry you have stuff going on. I am not here as a professional and I think it would be worth asking your Dr but what you are relating sounds to me a lot like descriptions I have heard of panic attacks. The ones on the bus and in the club. I think it would be worth asking your Dr because if it is them there are ways of learning how to control them which might help you. Anxiety is pretty common in BP to my knowledge

Cracked

Update
I've gone almost crazy today. Crying and laughing, uncontrollably. Have had short breakdowns. It's funny. Can't sleep, tired, but can't sleep. Called my friend to come and stay with me for sometime, since, I don't trust myself. Couldn't sit through my last lecture. Fantasized about throwing the cars around and ripping the trees off the ground while waiting for the bus. Can't concentrate on a single s*it. Great, just f*cking great. I'm bursting with energy.