I hate doing this

I have the scars to show for self harm. Quite honestly, the only thing that keeps me from self harming is my therapist will hospitalize me which causes me to lose my surgery that is just beyond my finger tips. Its hard to control and some days I think of all the places I could hide it...ACCEPT... I would just tell on myself.
As for the freight train, my entire life derails whenever one bad thing happens. It seems like it goes beyond my control. I feel like I can regain focus and ultimately hate myself. We just have to remind ourselves we have been there before. We do make our way through the dark tunnel.