Punctuality

I had a doctor's appointment at 12pm today, scheduled for 30 minutes. I arrived at 12:15pm. The reason for my lax punctuality was because this clinic is always running 30-60 minutes late, so I didn't think it would matter too much.

Today I was to see a new psychiatrist, because my regular psychiatrist is on leave. Just a regular review appointment, but i spent the entire morning going over in my mind what I wanted to say to the doctor and what questions to ask.

However when I arrived it seemed the doctor had already left the clinic. He was meant to be there from 8:30 to 12:30pm, but when I didn't show up on the dot he decided to take off because it was getting late. It was not an emergency or anything like that. There was no attempt made to contact me before he took off, and since he was long gone by 12:15 he would have waited only about five minutes.

My mother, who thinks in black and white, happened to call me that afternoon so I explained what happened, and she said to me that I should be been on time, so I had to suffer the consequences.

However it bothers me that a trained psychiatrist would leave a scheduled patient in the lurch like that and take the opportunity to leave early, blaming the patient for being late. I think it shows a lack of empathy and understanding of his patients. I can be difficult for some people to organise themselves while suffering a mental illness, and it can be difficult for some people to handle rejection.

And whether a psychiatric patient is punctual or not, their appointments are very important for their well being. Missing out on an appointment, because of turning up 15 minutes late, is punitive for that person. If normal punctuality rules were to apply, the person would not be in need of psychiatric help in the first place.

And if a doctor doesn't want to treat me, because of a slight punctuality problem, then I will not be going back to him either. I will wait until my regular doctor comes back.

I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.
Schedule your next meeting with your regular psychiatrist and move on.

skilsaw wrote:I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.
Schedule your next meeting with your regular psychiatrist and move on.

My mother already told me that. If you can't try to understand and be compassionate, don't say anything at all, because chances are you don't know what you're talking about.

Sorry Skilsaw, that was a very defensive response by me. I'm very upset at the moment, so don't take anything by it.

Now that I have calmed down a little bit though, I can see that there is a pattern of my emotional reactions here that has persisted for a good many years. I think that today I was actually triggered by this event and it aroused some strong emotions in me. It is always a specific kind of situation, whereby I feel as though a person or persons in authority and with responsibility have been somehow neglectful or unkind. Many years ago now, I worked professionally with people in the care of the state. I worked closely with them and I really felt that they had been neglected by those responsible. For me this was like working in a concentration camp and being powerless to do anything. I believe that was the source of the PTSD. Then someone tells me I am being irrational or over the top in my response to this... well it makes me pretty angry.

All of this has very little to do with the situation today, but it was enough to trigger the emotional feeling of the original situation.

I would be very upset by that too actually. I'm easily triggered by things like those. A large part of why I ended up changing psychiatrists was that I kept on having a feeling he isn't treating me seriously. It doesn't mean he's a bad doctor, I just kept on hearing him sigh and seeing him slightly roll his eyes and this would leave me feeling upset for days.

I think upon your next appointment it would be a good idea to mention how much his behaviour upset you and ask his professional opinion about the reasons for that. It might provide more insight into your mind than hours of questioning.

Big hugs and I hope you feel better now.

Same here, I'd be really upset too. When I read your post, I could feel my temper rising. I have nothing to do with your doctor, but, I hear you.

I've had thoughts eating me in the past. It still happens. And, yes, situations like yours trigger unexplainable moods. But, I try to be logical about the situation. As much as possible. And, your reaction is not irrational.

I get it. And good that you put it out all here.

As for getting down to your situation - I fully agree with oliveira. It'll be good to put out in front of your doc. It might as well be a misunderstanding.

I hope it gets better.

skilsaw wrote:I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.
Schedule your next meeting with your regular psychiatrist and move on.

Sometimes it is not what you say, but how you say it...

I was very blunt and showed no empathy.
I could have said "Perhaps you are making..."
And softened the second sentence too.
After all, I am not God, and what I think is not always right.
I said what I wanted to say, but I didn't say it very well.

I appreciate your insight.

take care,

Thanks guys for your responses. It feels good to be emotionally validated, which is what I really needed. But I also value your response Skilsaw, because it is important to have a range of opinions. And, after all you were just trying to say that there's nothing to worry about, and there isn't anything wrong with that.

This morning I feel quite shaky, after yesterday's surge of adrenalin. I am concerned about discussing it with the same doctor that left early yesterday. I think that he might, in order to defend his actions as being 100% justified, try to pathologise and diagnose my reaction yesterday, more strongly than is deserved. It's not a certainty, just a possibility. I have had doctors make knee-jerk diagnoses of me before. This is why I am so cautious.

I will probably discuss it with my therapist instead. I have a trusting relationship with her and she does see things both from my point of view and of the situation and she usually has something helpful to say.

I am not sure now, as I was yesterday, that my reaction was caused by a PTSD response. I have had those in the past but I have an alternative theory that I am simply quite emotionally fragile at the moment. I will read a lot into the situation that is not necessarily there. And I will react to what I perceive to be an underlying cause. That is, that the doctor is more concerned about punctuality then he is about his patients' wellbeing.

My regular doctor comes back in early May so I am more than happy to wait until then.