Mania issues, not thinking logically, afraid & selfish (?)

Doc called. Lithium & klonopin doubled.

Hope the meds will help a bit.

When I get towards mania, I find that cleaning is a good outlet for my energy. It is very grounding and keeps me away from grandiose ideas. I don't like it much and so, my energy does get spent doing this.

oh…that is a good idea. I hate to clean.
I slept one hour more than before. But I feel woozy and hungover.

I feel for you, I really do. I was the girlfriend in your scenario for many years and I saw the struggle and its consequences. I especially understand that, if you are extremely intelligent, and my BF was, it is difficult and frustrating to find people with whom to talk on the level you would like to. And who can understand the added issue that that can bring to the table.

I don't have any answers for you, I just wanted to let you know that there are other people in you position and I hope you are able to find one or two so you can commiserate in person. My only suggestion would be that you experiment with drug combos that might allow you to keep a little more of your soul while being a little less insane. In my, and I speak only in my, experience, full blown mania wrecks everything in its path. Please be well.

You probably won't see this post but I just wanted to say that you seem like such a beautiful person to me.

I'm a musician, I have been prescribed an antipsychotic for the first time in my life and I'm starting it today. If you do see the post - how is it going for you? I don't want the pill to stifle my ability to write, too. For me, being able to write and perform is the greatest motivation to get better. But I am so anxious every day for the last couple of weeks I understand why the psychiatrist decided on this... perphenazine.

And yet again, just wanted to say that your post is magical to me for some reason. It has so much beauty and harmony in it. I just wonder what you felt on antipsychotics - were they really changing your personality? I would be grateful if you could tell me something about it.