Dear Bipolar Disorder...

Dear Bipolar Disorder,
I was only a little girl, forced into a woman's world. You wrecked my family, threw my sisters and me off the track of a normal life. You hurt my sisters, you hurt my father, you hurt my mother. You hurt me. I recall all those times you made my mother's eyes muddy or worse; sharp with hatred. The looks that burned me through my childhood. I can see them now when I close my eyes: brown, muddied, or brown and searing with pure, raw hatred and irritability. My mother did everything she could to stop the pain and the anger that you caused her. She threw things, yelled at us, hit things, hit herself, hit me. You nearly destroyed my parents' marriage. I had to become a mother to a 3 year old when I was 6. All I knew at the time was mommy was too sick to care for us, so I had to be mommy.

Well, that was before I exploded into myself, and before you took another casualty...me. You almost caused my to fail school. I nearly killed myself 12 times. You've made me want to hurt myself everyday for the past 5 years. Up, down, left, right, yet never in a straight line. Now when I look in the mirror, I see my father's blue eyes...with my mother's stares. Except I'm not always angry. You make me ecstatic, productive, happy. You give me racing thoughts, very fast, too fast now, I can't make them stop...But what you give, you take back. You make me want to scream, hurt myself to stop the paranoia, hurt myself to hush the demons pounding my head. You make me sleep for days, swallow pills to try to get my mood back up. You've made me end the best thing that has ever happened to me. You made me break up with my boyfriend of 2 years, my only support system. I'm just lucky he understood and took me back.

I'm not taking any chances with you anymore. This is an abusive relationship and I want out. I will go to therapy, I will take my meds, I will open up and let others peer inside my head. I will no longer hide from you. You will not run my life anymore. I'm breaking up with you, Bipolar Disorder.

Sincerely,
nerdgirl.

Feel free to comment or even write your own break up letter to bipolar

Awesome post Nerdgirl !
Truly awesome.

Thank you for the introduction.
Take care,

Hugs Nerdgirl

I think it is really good you could write that down and it is so good you want to focus on healing and making your life a good one - breking up with BP disorder, or at least learning how to live with it sounds like a really good thing to be focusing on

I am not sure what I would write in a letter - I would need to think about that some. I was talking to someone the other night about this and saying that it turned my life upside down but also that I have had the chance to rebuild it in what I think is a much more solid way - even tho it is hard work and by no means am I there yet. But I guess in my letter I would be pretty pissed off at all that I have lost and sad about that too but also be thankful for the chance to rebuild things better. Not sure - need to have a think about that

Huge hugs

Cracked

That was really touching! Thanks for sharing.

nerdgirl wrote:You will not run my life anymore.

I need to make this my motto. I hope you can stick to your pledge, nerdgirl.

That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

That was truly beautiful and inspiring. Thank you for sharing it with us. I really do hope that things can work out for you and for the rest of us.

i had to do this in therapy. Now, i'm not suffering with it anymore and am fixing to be able to go off meds with my doctor guiding me through it. he thinks i can go off of the meds. It takes strength to recover.