Feel down trigger warning

I feel so numb and empty I feel so down this illness is destroying my life. I hear voices telling me I will abuse my children so must kill myself before I do. They sometimes show me horrific images I can't take this no more. For two weeks I have been saving my meds up I feel so suicidal. I don't get out of bed all I've done today is a bit of self harm and that is literally it. Other than that I've stayed in bed I'm a fat useless lump and I hate my life. Hate that sometimes my 8 yo son has to take care of mummy that he is constantly asking why am I crying. That my 4 yo said mummy can't make dinner nanny she's too ill. I don't want my kids growing up to see this. I've had enough.

Please, please do not harm yourself. Get yourself to the hospital. I have been suicidal, I know that kind of pain, but listen, I thought of my brother (who I raised) and weighed the facts: at the time, I was no use to him, and I thought, perhaps he will be better off without me. But then I thought about the incredible harm my death would do to his development. Losing a parent is a terrible blow to a child. It takes time, commitment, and effort to combat mental illness, but there IS hope that, even if one can't get completely "better," one can get better enough to be a positive influence on those we care about. Ultimately, it is an excuse to say "they will be better off without me." They won't. They will be in pain and confused and lost without you. They will forever think to themselves that they had something to do with it, and if you use them as an excuse, in a way, they will be right.

Please reach out to someone. I know you don't know me, but feel free to message me if you would like someone to listen.

Crawling, I'm sorry to hear you cry out with such pain.
See your doctor. Talk about what is going on inside for you. Print your post and take it for your doctor to read.

We reach a point where we need a change and a rest. It is available in hospital. You can admit yourself and get the rest your body is screaming out for. I hope you go and get your drugs straightened out. Then take your medication as directed. I wouldn't go a day without my meds now.

I can hear you screaming out for help. It is painful for me to hear because it reminds me of my worst moments. But that period is behind me now, and you can leave it behind too.

Your children need you. You sitting in your pajamas all day in a darkened room is better for your children than having no mother. If you commit suicide your children will feel lost and forever ask the question, "Why did mummy abandon us?"

If nothing else, call a suicide help line, or crisis line. They can listen with empathy to your cry.
And don't forget us here. We want you to pull through this.
That's about all i can say,
Take care,

Thank you I know it will hurt my children but it's so hard when the voices say I'm gonna do such horrid things to them.

Tell yourself the voices are not real.
There is medication that can help you with the voices.
There is help available for you, if only you will reach out.
I know what it is like when even getting out of bed seems like a herculean effort.
Call a crisis line. Their phone number is usually in the front of the phone book below the Fire, Hospital and Police emergency numbers.

I'm reaching out and offering you a hug. If only I could give you strength!

Take care,

Thanks skilsaw here you have to be referred to crisis but I have a open ended referral. I'll give them a call and see if they will pop out.