impulse control and sex?

Anybody else have troubles with your impulse control and sex? I keep ending up sleeping with people I outwardly decide before hand I don't want to. I feel like a slut. And my love life is so unnecessarily complicated.

I go out and sleep with all these men, and then I will get into a depression and they will either pressure me or flee.

I just sent a reply in and the forum had logged me out. After I logged in my reply was gone.
I hate that.

Here is the gist of my first reply.

The best sex I have had is in a long term committed relationship. You won't have this kind of sex in "flings".

The advice I have to give is probably not politically correct in the 21st Century. Men should accept that NO means NO regardless of how a woman behaves. Unfortunately there is lots of female behavior that leads guys on and guys get confused and are slow learners. Here are a few suggestions on not sending men the wrong signals.

Don't drink too much, or don't drink at all. Drinking lowers your inhibitions.

No drugs. period!

Go out with a group of girls and agree with them ahead of time that you are going home together.
If you are not drinking you can be the designated driver. This way you can honestly say, "No thanks. I'm going home with my girl friends." or, "No thanks, I have to drive my friends home."

If you don't want to be perceived as a slut, don't dance like a slut. If you can tell a guy is aroused, you are dancing too close. (I'm nearly 60. Do couples still "slow dance"?)

If you are not interested in a guy, don't kiss back if he tries to kiss you.

Don't be a tease. If you are not interested in a guy, don't let him fondle your butt and breasts. It gives the wrong signals.

Don't send mixed signals. Saying "No" and doing, "Yes" is confusing for the guy and will frustrate you.

For guys, there is one rule. "No means No".

It will take dedication and perseverance, but you can reclaim your self respect. You can also save what you've got for someone you really want to be with.

Here endith the sermon from the dottering old fogie.

I'll be interested in seeing what others have to say here.

Take care,

skilsaw wrote:I just sent a reply in and the forum had logged me out. After I logged in my reply was gone.
I hate that.

Here is the gist of my first reply.

The best sex I have had is in a long term committed relationship. You won't have this kind of sex in "flings".

The advice I have to give is probably not politically correct in the 21st Century. Men should accept that NO means NO regardless of how a woman behaves. Unfortunately there is lots of female behavior that leads guys on and guys get confused and are slow learners. Here are a few suggestions on not sending men the wrong signals.

Don't drink too much, or don't drink at all. Drinking lowers your inhibitions.

No drugs. period!

Go out with a group of girls and agree with them ahead of time that you are going home together.
If you are not drinking you can be the designated driver. This way you can honestly say, "No thanks. I'm going home with my girl friends." or, "No thanks, I have to drive my friends home."

If you don't want to be perceived as a slut, don't dance like a slut. If you can tell a guy is aroused, you are dancing too close. (I'm nearly 60. Do couples still "slow dance"?)

If you are not interested in a guy, don't kiss back if he tries to kiss you.

Don't be a tease. If you are not interested in a guy, don't let him fondle your butt and breasts. It gives the wrong signals.

Don't send mixed signals. Saying "No" and doing, "Yes" is confusing for the guy and will frustrate you.

For guys, there is one rule. "No means No".

It will take dedication and perseverance, but you can reclaim your self respect. You can also save what you've got for someone you really want to be with.

Here endith the sermon from the dottering old fogie.

I'll be interested in seeing what others have to say here.

Take care,

Thank you for the input, but that wasn't really what I was talking about.

I don't do drugs, I don't go dancing, and my self respect bobs up and down. :s I guess I wasn't exactly clear enough. I was specifically talking about my sex drive during my manic episodes, and how it crashes and adds to my self loathing when my depressive episodes come in. Also how I attract men who want a relationship when I am manic , but they get freaked out and leave when I start cycling.

Hmm... a much clearer picture now.
In the absence of more information, I pictured a party girl, drinking, dancing and flirting with guys, then going home with them but waking up ashamed and unfulfilled.

Dealing with the bipolar disorder's rollercoaster of mania and depression and its influence on your relationships is a whole other story.

We may seem like two completely different people when we are manic or depressed. A person who is attracted to you when you are manic, is blindsided by this whole new person when you become depressed. Characteristics that they appreciated when you are manic disappear.

This raises the whole issue of disclosure of our bipolar disorder. When should we tell somebody? How much should we tell them? It comes down to saying, "This is who I am. Can you still love me?"

If a person is unable to accept all of you, they are not meant to be your lifelong partner. But that leaves you alone, and missing the friend and relationship you had just a few weeks previously. When your mood and relationship crashes, you are left to grieve and left with self loathing of your manic self.

I'm not into eastern mysticism, but I have a couple sayings that I meditate on while walking. They bring me clarity and peace inside. Last year I heard a good saying that may apply here.
God forgives, forgive others, forgive yourself.

I think a lot of people with bipolar disorder struggle with self loathing. When I'm manic, I can't stand the person I am when I am depressed. When I'm depressed, I can't stand the person I am when I am manic. When I'm depressed, I can't stand my depressed persona... self loathing all around.

Forgive yourself. Accept yourself.

I hope this is a more helpful reply.

Take care,

Hiya hunny I get where you are coming from I've had people fall in love with manic me and people who have fallen in love with depressed me these are not true lovers they just get addicted to a part of the bipolar either the rock and roll aspect of a mania or the vulnerability and hopelessness of a depressed person. For me it ended when I found a man who fell in love with normal me and loves me enough to put up and support me through my episodes. You will find someone but don't be in a rush make sure he is mr right I've had so many arseholes it's unbelievable save your love for when someone special comes along someone who is not in it for the high.

Crawling wrote:Hiya hunny I get where you are coming from I've had people fall in love with manic me and people who have fallen in love with depressed me these are not true lovers they just get addicted to a part of the bipolar either the rock and roll aspect of a mania or the vulnerability and hopelessness of a depressed person. For me it ended when I found a man who fell in love with normal me and loves me enough to put up and support me through my episodes. You will find someone but don't be in a rush make sure he is mr right I've had so many arseholes it's unbelievable save your love for when someone special comes along someone who is not in it for the high.

+1
Just what I wanted to say, in shorter more specific terms.