Do you ever feel like your bipolar disorder is ruining your potential?
Academics has never been an issue with me; I earned straight As through middle school, took advanced college-level courses in high school...and just love learning for the sake of learning. I'm not the type of student that simply "does" things for the sake of a resume.
But here's where things go downhill: I missed a TON of school, and I've been breaking my back to catch up. Sometimes I'd be out for a few days, finally arrive to school (tired and depressed), and take a test where I wasn't present to learn the material.
I just had a meeting with my guidance counselor who told me that my GPA is now 2.72.
And I'm really disappointed with myself. I KNOW that I can do so much better. It's just that all my absences and a stint in the ER really got in the way of my learning.
It's not that I don't KNOW the information or that the information is DIFFICULT (it's honestly a little too easy), but that it's hard to know what's on a test when you were never in class.
Now I'm putting A LOT of pressure on myself to do better. Like, extreme pressure to perfect everything I'm doing.
I'm worried that my grade will plummet even lower, that I won't be able to pursue my dream career of computer animation (those programs are highly competitive and selective), and that I'm going to disappoint everyone.
I feel like I've disappointed myself, my teachers, my guidance counselor, and especially my parents.
I really wanted to do well in school to get much needed merit scholarships. Neither of my parents finished college, so it would have been a big thing for me to make it into a four-year school.
In the grand scheme of things, I'm aware that problems like grade point averages and college admissions aren't too terrible...but I'm very angry with my disorder right now.
Has something like this ever happened to you?
I feel like there's so much that I can accomplish, but my disorder is ruining everything. I'm more capable than what my scores are going to show colleges. I'm able to contribute more to my school and community than what I have been recently, due to finally transitioning back to school. I feel like I can do better...this isn't my best.
The school hasn't been the most helpful in accommodating me during my junior year.
IEP testing won't even begin until the second week of April, so I'm pretty much on my own until senior year. I'm still in the process of getting a school advocate that will force my school to give me tutoring services and the like, but that too, won't happen until senior year.
I'm sorry that I wrote so much! I honestly needed to rant about this. It's been bothering me endlessly for the past week. Ugh...
Thank you for taking the time to read this. c:
Do you have any advice for me? Have you gone through the same thing? I'm so worried...