Am I in danger?

Well here I am a few weeks later and things are not good at all. My unemployment was denied because of my manic moods When I filled out my unemployment, I didnt want the state to know that I am Bi Polar. So when asked if I have a disability I put down no. My bosses knew I had this disorder and tried to help but i guess I kept pressing the button. I put in an appeal and put down the actual reason why. We shall see what happens.
I have a new therapist, but she really doesnt know what is going on in mind. I keep thinking of suicide....pill overdose. I know its not normal to think like this, but the bigger part of my brain thinks I dont have the guts to do it. But what does a sleep deprived brain start thinking after awhile when things go from bad to worse.
Also my Psy told me that I am actually Bi Polar 1. I though the 1's go to hospital and I never had. He explained that it is not nessisary true especially with the severity of mood shifts.
Well what do you all think. Am I going into a dangerous place in my life...yes I am taking my meds.

Mark

Hi Mixedupmark.
It sounds like you are of two minds with your thoughts of suicide.
One side says do it, and the other side says No.

You have to asses your own risk. We can't do that for you. You should talk to your therapist and psychiatrist about your suicidal thoughts. They are professionals trained to assess your risk of suicide and can intervene if they think it is necessary.

I also suggest you think of a responsible adult who you can talk to who won't freak out. Tell them what's going on and ask them if they can be called anytime of day or night. Or you can always go to the Emergency department of a local hospital. An ambulance will come and get you if you can't get there on your own.

Other than that, I'm sorry to hear that you lost your job and are having difficulty with your application for unemployment. Admitting to others that we have a mental illness is difficult. There is such a stigma associated with it. But this is one situation where you can't avoid the truth.

Look after yourself now.
Take care,

mixedupmark wrote:Well here I am a few weeks later and things are not good at all. My unemployment was denied because of my manic moods When I filled out my unemployment, I didnt want the state to know that I am Bi Polar. So when asked if I have a disability I put down no. My bosses knew I had this disorder and tried to help but i guess I kept pressing the button. I put in an appeal and put down the actual reason why. We shall see what happens.

Seriously? The one thing I really am proud of that my taxes pay for, and you didn't sign up for your benefits???

I want my friends to get the support and benefits they need and deserve. In the long run, I think people do a lot better if they get their benefits. I feel that you will have a much better quality of life if you do go ahead and get the assistance that you need.

If you don't want the state to know you have a mental illness, you might be suffering from paranoia. That can be a symptom with bipolar. It can cause some people to miss out on help that they are fully entitled to.

I have a new therapist, but she really doesnt know what is going on in mind.

Well it's just like any other relationship in that it takes time to get to know each person - both you get to know her and vice versa. Remember, you have a diagnosis, but that isn't the sum total of everything you are - you're an individual and unique. A good therapeutic relationship takes time to develop, you have to be a little patient and give the therapist a chance to get to understand and know you a little better.

I keep thinking of suicide....pill overdose.

If you are endangered now, go to the hospital. Get help. If you have a specific plan, it's time to go to the hospital. Depression can cause thoughts of suicide. It's important to stay safe when depression is causing thoughts of self harm.

I know its not normal to think like this, but the bigger part of my brain thinks I dont have the guts to do it. But what does a sleep deprived brain start thinking after awhile when things go from bad to worse.

Again, if you are getting close to hurting yourself, go to the hospital. Most places, you can call for transportation if you haven't a way to get there. And most places, you can enter voluntarily.

Also my Psy told me that I am actually Bi Polar 1. I though the 1's go to hospital and I never had. He explained that it is not nessisary true especially with the severity of mood shifts.

Many people with bipolar never need a hospital stay - some just go for a medication change or if they need other medical care. If you need it, you need it - it's not going to be that long. Most hospitals stays are amazingly short these days, like my friend who found herself on the sidewalk with a baby and a 'welcome new baby!' coupon 30 minutes after her labor started...LOL.

if you need a hospital stay to deal with suicidal thoughts or other difficult symptoms, then you do. If I break my leg, I go to the hospital. If I have really bad flu, I go - no diff. I'm not all 'yay, oh boy, time to go to the hospital', no one is, but oh well.

Well what do you all think. Am I going into a dangerous place in my life...yes I am taking my meds.

Mark

Keep taking your medication(even if you feel great and think you don't need it), and keep telling your doc of any 'breakthrough' symptoms that aren't responding to medication and self help skills.

Learn and practice your self help skills, stay away from booze and street drugs, and get on with your life!

If you manage your illness, instead of letting it manage you, you'll do well.

hi Mark

mixedupmark wrote:Well here I am a few weeks later and things are not good at all. My unemployment was denied because of my manic moods When I filled out my unemployment, I didnt want the state to know that I am Bi Polar. So when asked if I have a disability I put down no. My bosses knew I had this disorder and tried to help but i guess I kept pressing the button. I put in an appeal and put down the actual reason why. We shall see what happens.

I understand not wanting to admit something is wrong- when I have to fill in benefit forms I hate it as I am so sad by how bad I sound on paper. But it is important to portray yourself on your worst day in order to get the help you need. I hope you hear soon and that they help you

mixedupmark wrote:I have a new therapist, but she really doesnt know what is going on in mind.

It is difficult when it is someone new but please try to tell her what is going on for you-maybe it might be easier to write it down for her?

mixedupmark wrote:I keep thinking of suicide....pill overdose. I know its not normal to think like this, but the bigger part of my brain thinks I dont have the guts to do it. But what does a sleep deprived brain start thinking after awhile when things go from bad to worse.

If you are thinking of harming yourself please go to the ER/A&E. It is really important to seek urgent help and they will be able to assess your risk. Not having enough sleep is tough too- perhaps there is a short term course of meds your psych can give you for this -I find that helps me when my sleep goes off

mixedupmark wrote:Also my Psy told me that I am actually Bi Polar 1. I though the 1's go to hospital and I never had. He explained that it is not nessisary true especially with the severity of mood shifts.

I have BP 1 and I have had a few hospital admissions but have not had any for a few years now - I think it is perfectly possible to have BP1 and yet stay out of hospital.

Hope this finds you safe

hugs

Cracked

Thanks for the replies. Today is a better day. I have a couple of job prospects too. Its funny...when I woke up my mood was low and it was snowing outside. It all just made me feel down. Now the sun is shinning and I have some job prospects.

Even though I dont want to, I am going to go back into the call center. What else can I do. My wife and I are going no where fast. I am fairly sure that I will hear from the work rehab place fairly soon. So while I am doing the call center, I can hopefully look forward to the rehab people gearing me towards what I really want to do.

Here is a question...I feel so down and so unsure one minute, then next minute i am fine. Its all so maddening. I hope I am up to the test this week, because otherwise my wife and I are going to go broke.

Mark

mixedupmark wrote:Thanks for the replies. Today is a better day. I have a couple of job prospects too. Its funny...when I woke up my mood was low and it was snowing outside. It all just made me feel down. Now the sun is shinning and I have some job prospects.

Even though I dont want to, I am going to go back into the call center. What else can I do. My wife and I are going no where fast. I am fairly sure that I will hear from the work rehab place fairly soon. So while I am doing the call center, I can hopefully look forward to the rehab people gearing me towards what I really want to do.

Here is a question...I feel so down and so unsure one minute, then next minute i am fine. Its all so maddening. I hope I am up to the test this week, because otherwise my wife and I are going to go broke.

Mark

Hi Mark, I am so glad that you are having a better day. I've read some of your posts and it seems like you have some difficult struggles. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you to hang in there. And also, I was just wondering if you feel like you are on the right meds? Please don't answer if you feel it's too personal, it's just that it's seems like your having a hard time and maybe an adjustment might help? Anyway, I wish you the best.

Hi there!
I'm also glad you're feeling better and that you have a job in sight, even if it's a call center, I know what it's like, I went from teaching at a university and an institute to working at a call center, well at least it was a bilingual call center so I could keep practicing my English. It was hard to accept, but when you need to make a living you have to take what it comes, and you can keep looking for another job while you're working at the call center. I hope everything goes right with your wife, you don't have to break up with her, you're taking steps to get better.

Take care

mixedupmark wrote:Here is a question...I feel so down and so unsure one minute, then next minute i am fine. Its all so maddening.

I didn't see an actual question here, but here's my $.02 anyways These types of quick, rapid changing moods can be really difficult to deal with. I know that I get this way when I end up in a mixed episode. Have you been able to speak to your doctor about how quickly your moods are changing?

I'm glad that hear that you have some job prospects lined up