Depressed about Not Being Able To Be a Good Mom

Hello lovelies

I have been crying my eyes out recently, total state of despair, at the thought that I wont be able to be a mom.

I'm not barren or anything as far as I know, but I have such a hard time keeping myself alive, how can i raise a child? I can't do that to my kid. Who knows if ill even live to be old enough to have a child
Most meds you also have to stop taking when youre pregnant, so yet another reason I would be a threat to my child.

But the thing is, i love kids. I volunteer at after school programs at least twice a week for the last 3 years and i just love them, and i know that i would have been a great mom if i wasn't so sick, I would have loved my child so much (crying as im typing this.)

Does anyone relate? Any tips advice wisdom? I'd appreciate it so much

Thank you all for the continued support

Gabby
BP2, Generalized Anxiety, Recovered Bulimic
Continuously changing doses of Ativan and Lamictal

Believe me, I deal with the same issue. I worry that a child of mine could be substantially worse off than I am psychologically, and that does deter me from having children. But for me, the first thing is to have a firmly established relationship with a man by whom I want children. That's my biggest issue at the moment :~.

Also, as an adoptee myself, please consider the adoption option.

Back when I worked in schools, fifty percent of children entering school were not prepared to read. Some of them did not even know what a book was. I know which half your children will be in - the half whose mother cares about them, who imparts not only the educational skills they need but the love, compassion and emotional intelligence to be wonderful human beings. So what if you can't be the exact mother you wanted to be - so what if sometimes they have to pack their own lunch, or the oldest one sometimes takes care of the younger. They will have the greatest gift of any human being - a mother who loves them and who will do everything she can for them.

I was married for 18 years and had two sons, age 9 and 11 when my wife booted me out.
The last16 years I have been building a strong and healthy self and contributing as much as I can to the boys maturing. I have some grim memories that I regret, but my boys are the light of my life and I have a good relationship with both of them now.

Give children love and caring attention. All the extras are unnecessary. Occasionally children need to be apprehended by the authorities for their own safety but this is rare in my middle class society.

The amount of care you would give your children and how much you would love them is enough to make you a good parent.

Don't worry.
Let the decision to have children alone until that time of your life arrives.

Take care,

gabbygabby12 wrote:I'm not barren or anything as far as I know, but I have such a hard time keeping myself alive, how can i raise a child? I can't do that to my kid. Who knows if ill even live to be old enough to have a child
Most meds you also have to stop taking when youre pregnant, so yet another reason I would be a threat to my child.

I'm really glad that you brought this up. I struggle with this frequently. I'm starting to feel the internal clock ticking and I'm feeling this desperate need to have a child, but it scares the crap out of me. I have infertility issues as well so it worries me that I will need to stop taking medication for even longer while I try to get pregnant. It also scares me because I just got myself stable again after stopping medications about 3 years ago which landed me in multiple hospitalizations. Then i think, what kind of child will want a parent like that who is in and out of the hospital?

it's a screwed up mess.

Cheze2 wrote:Then i think, what kind of child will want a parent like that who is in and out of the hospital?

I read an interview recently with a daughter of a bipolar mom (I can search for it if you like) and she said her mom was very ill but that she was the best mom one could wish for. Remember -- it is not your fault you have bipolar. It's not like you decide to go to hospital to harm your children. Many people have kids and then get ill -- cancer for instance. My boyfriend's mom is in hospital right now, it's heavy for the entire family. But do you think anybody thinks badly of her for that reason?

What the child needs from parents is love, care, interest, actual rather than faked attention. I had a stepfather whose health was perfect, other than the fact he was a violent alcoholic. I'd take bipolar any second.

As for stopping meds -- this is a problem -- would you consider adoption?

Big hugs and I hope I didn't say anything hurtful or offensive. :$

Just my 2 cents...

I had 2 daughters in my early 20's and was diagnosed Bipolar 1 in my mid 30's. My oldest daughter who is 17 has also been diagnosed Bipolar which has been very hard for me and I feel a lot of guilt because I know she likely inherited it from me.

If i knew then what I know now, I might have thought twice about having kids. Passing on this illness is something to think about.

The fact that you're worried for them already tells me that you'll make a great mother