Still confused about hypo/manic episodes

Hello, I'm new here. I have BPII and finally got the courage to register here and ask a few questions. I'm still a little confused about hypomanic episodes and what they look like for me. Here are some instances where I've had very short periods with some - but not all - symptoms of hypomania in recent years:

*Very short-lived (2-5 hours app) bursts of extreme irritation or joy, sensitivity to loud noises, excitement, high energy, urge to go out and do things, plan trips, frustration with people walking and talking too slowly etc - but not lasting more than a half day. Another common feature of these short spans is an obsession for certain things and colours that seem to intensify joy. Eg I might seek out and collect things that are pink and experience a very intense surge of happiness looking at them. On days where I experience this briefly, I can still sleep at night. Is this just a bizarre happy mood, or is it hypomania?
*After caffeine intake. I raised this with the diagnosing doctor and he agreed that it's some kind of sensitivity but didn't comment on whether or not he thought it triggers true episodes. I can't have more than even a half of a coffee (or pain killers with caffeine, pop, etc) without experiencing real elation. As in, tearing up over how beautiful something is, shopping, having great ideas, flight of ideas, beginning projects, avoiding other tasks that aren't exciting enough. I sometimes use caffeine just to get this experience when I'm feeling down or unproductive. There might be some trouble sleeping that night, but fine by the next day. Would you say this is hypomania (not what they would use to diagnose because it's 'drug induced' and short lived), but generally? Do you experience this?


Thanks

Hi there, and welcome! I'm glad to know you found the courage to seek out others here. I think you'll find people here are very supportive. I can't describe the feeling I got when I finally registered and felt that others could understand and relate to what I posted.

I'm sure you know this already, but I still have to say it: nobody here can give you a professional opinion on whether or not what you experience is (hypo)mania. That has to be done by a doctor. Still, I can tell you some of my experiences and you can see how they relate to your own.

Citrusfruit wrote:*Very short-lived (2-5 hours app) bursts of extreme irritation or joy, sensitivity to loud noises, excitement, high energy, urge to go out and do things, plan trips, frustration with people walking and talking too slowly etc - but not lasting more than a half day. Another common feature of these short spans is an obsession for certain things and colours that seem to intensify joy. Eg I might seek out and collect things that are pink and experience a very intense surge of happiness looking at them. On days where I experience this briefly, I can still sleep at night. Is this just a bizarre happy mood, or is it hypomania?

I relate to everything you describe, except for the obsession part. Although I do obsess over certain things, not in the way you exemplified. However, it usually lasts longer than a few hours. But now that I think about it, I think the first few times this happened it was short-lived. Not anymore! My p-doc tells me that at my age BD is likely to progress if not treated, so maybe that's why.

As for the caffeine, it's not really an issue for me. I might cut back when I'm too agitated but just to be on the safe side, it never really made a difference. However, I've seen many threads here discussing caffeine and its effects. Maybe you could try searching for coffee? (Just next to the "new topic" button there's a search function.)

I hope you can clear up some of your doubts. All the best!

invicta wrote:Hi there, and welcome! I'm glad to know you found the courage to seek out others here. I think you'll find people here are very supportive. I can't describe the feeling I got when I finally registered and felt that others could understand and relate to what I posted.

This. I'd re-quote Invicta!

Citrusfruit wrote:*Very short-lived (2-5 hours app) bursts of extreme irritation or joy, sensitivity to loud noises, excitement, high energy, urge to go out and do things, plan trips, frustration with people walking and talking too slowly etc - but not lasting more than a half day. On days where I experience this briefly, I can still sleep at night. Is this just a bizarre happy mood, or is it hypomania?

I know what you mean. I also have those short-lived bursts. For instance, during this winter's first snowfall, I got crazy. The snow was so so so beautiful. I couldn't get a hold of my emotions. But, after two hours of all that elevated state, the moment I returned to my room, I calmed down, and got into the bed like nothing happened. It's really difficult to recognize them as a state of hypomania. I told this to my doctor and he said it's actually possible to have this short hypomanic episodes. I've had one-week long hypomanic states before, though.

I can't have more than even a half of a coffee (or pain killers with caffeine, pop, etc) without experiencing real elation. As in, tearing up over how beautiful something is, shopping, having great ideas, flight of ideas, beginning projects, avoiding other tasks that aren't exciting enough.

I have one and only major rule in my life. No coffee with painkillers. No, just no. Anyway, last time I was with my friend, she didn't let me buy coffee. A small cup of coffee that I was craving for. Why? Because even half of a cup of coffee is enough to send me over the edge. I know some people who're caffeine sensitive.. but, to this extent? I feel like I'm so dramatic, sometimes. But, I feel you.

I sometimes use caffeine just to get this experience when I'm feeling down or unproductive. There might be some trouble sleeping that night, but fine by the next day.

Once, I drank a full small latte cup, so that I could actually do some important schoolwork and write a summary. And, I did. Thanks to the coffee. But, you know what? While I was waiting for the bus, watching the cars (I like cars!) go by, suddenly, I had this urge of throwing myself into the road. Like, such a strong urge. Scary as hell. Basically, for me, caffeine during depressive states results in a mixed state.
And, caffeine definitely has a huge effect on my sleep. In short, caffeine makes me go crazy. I'm not sure you could call it hypomania, though.

Thanks so much for your kind responses!

Invicta, thank you for your response here and in the other thread... It is nice to be able to relate. Re progression with age, sadly it's been the depression that's become so much worse with age for me.

Yes, I've also have had longer periods but they are actually not as intense. Actually I functioned fine during the longer episodes and often wondered if they were just a combination of anxiety-fuelled adrenaline and external events, but these longer periods were used for my diagnosis. We didn't talk much about the short periods because they don't meet criteria - but that's my experience most often (a couple of times a year) and the reason I came to ask others what they thought.

I had to laugh at your snowfall experience, zetamext123, I've had a similar experience where it was just so intensely beautiful I exclaimed to my friends at the time that it was the best day of my life... it felt like joy was surging through my veins. It was a nice day.... but I sounded like a giddy fool.

Citrusfruit wrote:Thanks so much for your kind responses!

Invicta, thank you for your response here and in the other thread... It is nice to be able to relate. Re progression with age, sadly it's been the depression that's become so much worse with age for me.

Yes it is! I know there's not much anyone can do, but just the feeling of being understood helps a lot. Sorry to hear that depression is getting worse.

Citrusfruit wrote:Yes, I've also have had longer periods but they are actually not as intense. Actually I functioned fine during the longer episodes and often wondered if they were just a combination of anxiety-fuelled adrenaline and external events, but these longer periods were used for my diagnosis. We didn't talk much about the short periods because they don't meet criteria - but that's my experience most often (a couple of times a year) and the reason I came to ask others what they thought.

To be honest, I don't really care much for the official criteria. I understand that it needs to exist, but don't get too caught up with it. I mean, does it really matter if the episode lasted 2 weeks or 10 days? Two weeks meets the criteria, 10 days doesn't. I like the way my p-doc puts it: is it interfering with your life? If yes, it's a problem. I'm oversimplifying of course, but I do think some doctors place too much emphasis on DSM criteria. Just my personal view!

Citrusfruit wrote:I had to laugh at your snowfall experience, zetamext123, I've had a similar experience where it was just so intensely beautiful I exclaimed to my friends at the time that it was the best day of my life... it felt like joy was surging through my veins. It was a nice day.... but I sounded like a giddy fool.

Yeah, I've experienced those too!! It's awesome! Fortunately, it's only happened when I'm alone, so I don't have to worry about sounding like a fool. I love that feeling, it feels like I'm sweating happiness (weird image, I know, but that's exactly how it feels), I feel like my eyes are shining. Hard to describe! Last time it happened was about a month ago. How I miss it...

Citrusfruit wrote:*Very short-lived (2-5 hours app) bursts of extreme irritation or joy, sensitivity to loud noises, excitement, high energy, urge to go out and do things, plan trips, frustration with people walking and talking too slowly etc - but not lasting more than a half day. Another common feature of these short spans is an obsession for certain things and colours that seem to intensify joy. Eg I might seek out and collect things that are pink and experience a very intense surge of happiness looking at them. On days where I experience this briefly, I can still sleep at night. Is this just a bizarre happy mood, or is it hypomania?

Thanks

Hey, I wrote a long reply at work this morning but it got deleted... well I talked about my experience with supposedly hypomania and how I wasn't really sure what it was like, but who cares haha! Well what I wanted to say is that I think, speaking of ignorance, that hypomania should last at least a little longer, what you're describing there looks normal, IMO, I mean, don't we all, bipolar and non bipolar alike, experience short bursts of energy? Or at least that's what I think, I mean, why does everything have to be a symptom or a disorder? I'm not saying you don't have bipolar, you were diagnosed by a professional, but I'm saying that maybe that short-lived hypomania is not a symptom but just joy and happiness, that you're allowed to enjoy without thinking there's something wrong with it, and it seems like you feel good, and if those "episodes" don't interfere with your life I would just live them and enjoy them especially since it's so hard to find joy nowadays. I'm saying this as just a personal opinion though, I really don't know very much about bipolar disorder, I was only diagnosed last year.

Take care.

Thanks Lorena. I agree, we should definitely not treat everything as a symptom. I'm not terribly new to the disorder or diagnosis, but Ive spent a lot of time blaming symptoms on other things (basically denial of any problem at all). Now that I'm in a close relationship I've been called out on things, and the short periods have caused some problems - nothing an apology can't solve. But sometimes these features are what people like...I'm also just generally impulsive and adventurous, and that's either the simple explanation or how I've justified things. But as I grow up those things aren't always as acceptable to others (maybe because, as you say "

it's so hard to find joy nowadays

". It's true that nobody can say exactly where line is in terms of duration or normalcy, but its great to get a variety of experiences. There might be a fine line between awareness and paranoia for me.