Be Proud and Happy about being Bipolar.

Hello friends,
I am almost thirty years old and I have always been a huge cyclon of energy and positivity...then there comes the days when I just crash and have a horrible day and you can't even breath around me without feeling like I'd kill you. "Just having a bad day" I'd say. I was told to stop being dramatic. I was told I was seeking attention. I was told I was weird and everyone thought I was on drugs. Eventually, in my late teens, I did get on drugs. Six years later I quit. But I'm still hyper. I'm still rarely crashing; this last one sent me to the psychiatrist office. January 22, 2014 was the best day of my life. The doctors told me I am Bipolar I Disorder with OCD. Very shocked. With the first few weeks, I refused meds and sulked and cried myself to sleep with shame. I attended my Intensive Outpatient Program therapy. One night it hit me: I've got a leg up above anyone else! Here I am, with an obstacle of horrific mood swings and bizarre behavior and constant headaches, and I have the "instructions" on how to get on track. I have therapy, I have meds and now I have this forum. Do you realize that ALL of us, who have been diagnosed, who are taking meds, who are aware of our disorders no matter what it may be, all have the ability to turn it around to something positive? We know what makes us tick and how to make it tick tock our way to a great future. So I proudly say that I have a mental illness and it's Bipolar I. I am proud to say that yes, I do have OCD. It hasn't even been a month and I already feel like so many questions have been solved.

Be proud of who you are, and what you're made of.

Love,
Hannah P.

I've been sensitive my whole life. I've had to beg acceptance from people about it. First hiding it, then after a while of knowing that person, testing them. Sensitivity is apparently this huge unacceptable trait. But I'm more intelligent because of it, and have more empathy. So yes, why not be proud of it? Sensitive and proud of it.

What about bipolar and proud of it. Well that's a stretch. It comes from sensitivity multiplied by stress. A brain in crisis. Those who don't understand see the sensitvity as a weakness that causes mental issues. But don't I have strength also? My brain has more... scope. I understand so much more now, even though it's painful. So, alright then. I'll try to be proud of the bipolar. It means rejecting what a lot of other people think, including my parents who are proud of me (but...).

Bipolar pride!!

On this forum I can feel proud to be Bipolar at times because I know I am not alone, but in my everyday life I am not proud at all. I don't have a lot of support around me. I refuse to ever say that I am happy to be bipolar.

Never is a long time, headstorm.

I'm there with you Hannah. It sure didn't feel like a good time to me when I got diagnosed -- I tried to end my life a day after, so shocked and terrified I was. But things changed since then (Oct 2012). I am very happy that I got diagnosed. So much of my life, of my oddities, mood swings but also things from creativity spikes and lows through weird clothes, haircuts and tattoos all the way down to substance and sex abuse got explanations all of a sudden. I no longer have to think I am "not doing it right" and wonder how come other people manage the things I can't work out. Well, the other people aren't bipolar! It's like wondering how other people manage to be blonde while I'm black-haired -- because I'm black-haired, that's why (yes I know about bleach)

I don't know if I can say I am proud to be bipolar -- I take pride from things I worked for. This one has been bestowed on me without me having much choice on the matter. But I take it for what it is, and I am not hiding it anymore. I've accepted it. I'm happy with myself. Life is complicated, it's got many limits I didn't expect -- ones that 'normals' don't have, but it's good.

Big hugs!

@Headstorm,
you've got your support system...yourself. I felt like how you described many times before and you must find your finest, smallest good qualities and be proud of those, like from knowing you're nice to elderly by holding the doors open for them, or that you make your bed everyday. And if you can't find anything at the moment, then start making your bed everyday and holding doors open for the elderly. Doing small things can later build into a momentum that can make you feel content. To quote two of my favorite sayings and imagery 1.) have you ever watched The NeverEnding Story? Remember then part when Atreyu is walking Artex his horse through the Swamps of Sadness on his way to find Morla the Ancient One? Well, Artex let the sadness of the swamps kill him and Atreyu cried out over and over..."Don't let the sadness consume you!"....so don't let it consume you. YOU are in control...which brings me to my second quote: "Bring your body and your mind will follow (from NA/AA meetings)". In otherwords, if you don't feel like you can't do something or get out of bed, it's your mind telling you that. So make your body do it against your will, and eventually, your mind will catch up with you and be on track with what you're doing to make yourself feel better. Remember, it takes 21 days for your brain to create a new routine track in its cortex. Keep talking to us...we're all here because we suffer from BiPolar and take meds. We're here to support one another...we're rooting you on! xoxo

@BipolarBirdie
.....whoa.....you put that soooo beautifully! And how true it is. We're always going to be sensitive, but it's a gift. It is all on how you look at it. Thank you so much for that. By the way, are you a Cancer? Cancer zodiacs are the most sensitive of the signs...I'm cancer and boy are my feelings hurt every other minute!

@Oliveira
YES YES YES!! Oh my goodness, it was like the fog suddenly went away when they told me my diagnoses (which was teetering on schiziophrenia, but I only have auditory hallucinations and can function pretty well). I was convinced I was going to be this embarrassing, loud, hyper, talkative fruit loop that people made fun of and used for whatever for the rest of my life. There have so many mornings that as soon as my eyes open I could feel the cyclone of energy whirling up inside me and grow stronger and stronger and I couldn't help but be loud and hyper even though my brain was yelling for me to stop. I just thought it was who I was and I accepted it and was very depressed about that. I work in a criminally insane mental institution and you know what, aside from the crime, I'm no different than the gals that are there. We're on the same meds. I have been properly educated on the surface of mental illness and I'm lucky enough to have NAMI (Nat'l Ass. of Mental Illness) meetings right on the job site and a handful of esteemed doctors whose specialities are MI and psycho-meds at my disposal.
But that feeling that came off my chest opened up the whole world and my opened my life for me, too. I'm glad it did the same for you, too. I've even changed my major from teaching little kids to working within mental health with a focus on nutrition...so now I have to apply to other universities in the opposite direction of where I was intially headed! LOL!!
So BIG HUGS back at ya, Oliveira! xoxo


I am so happy I found this forum. I found this on accident because I was researching hybristophilia (attraction sexually and romantically to criminals who did bad bad crimes), which I am also afflicted with. But, that is for another forum. I'm really feel better to know that I'm not alone and that we have our own place to talk and vent freely without being judged. I love it! Thanks, friends!

Love and prayers,
Hannah P.

I would give up bipolar illness in a minute if I could keep the empathy and compassion I have learned through being mentally ill.

I don't see a way that I proud to be Bi Polar. I am however relived to know that there is something to behind all of my failures in life. For the longest time I thought all of this was me. I thought I was the crazy one, the one who couldnt advance in any career of choice, the one who pushed everyone away ect. This disease sucks and if there was was a magic pill I would take it.

Mark

Sorry, can't see it like that. Not proud, and definitely not happy about it. If given the choice, I would gladly give it up. Sadly, there is no choice. Like Mark, I am a bit relieved to finally understand why a lot of things happened like they did, but I still just wish I didn't have it. And I don't really believe this will ever change, but I agree with oliveira that never is a long time. I hope it does change.

I think this is the first time ever I (respectfully) disagree with something you said invicta! I can't say I wish I didn't have it because I honestly have no clue who I would be without it. It influences so many parts of my life. My creativity, my looks, my sexuality, my choice of profession, the place I live, the work I want to do, it's all influenced by bipolar in ways that -- nowadays -- are totally obvious to me. I know who I am *with* bipolar. I have no idea what sort of person I would be without it. This is why I wouldn't take the magical pill if someone handed it to me. Not without a contract stating which parts of my personality I get to keep

I'm absolutely proud to be surviving it, but I will never, ever be happy to bipolar, or proud of being sick. It's not an accomplishment, but a constant hinderance. It's expensive, the meds that keep me sane have sh!tty side effects, the stigma is awful, and it ruins my social life, all before even considering the suffering the actual symptoms cause. The only pride or happiness to be had about the situation is that it hasn't killed me yet.

I am greatful to know what specifically is wrong, and to have access to treatment right now, but that's the luck of my circumstances. Sorry to be a downer. I just strongly disagree with the wording you've chosen.