Life After Bipolar

I know there is truly no "after" when it comes to bipolar and that there is no cure. I was hospitalized a approximately a year and half ago and since then I have had my symptoms under control through a combination of medication, talk therapy, diet/exercise and support groups. When I initially began my recovery I struggled with the newness of being "normal". I thought that I would grow used to it and the feeling would pass. As of yet, it has not. Bipolar had been a component of my personality for my entire adult life. Now without it, I found that I'm no longer the person I had been. Without mania I am no longer able to create as I once did. I find that I am no longer interested in the things that used to interest me. All the color is gone from my life. It is as if I have to learn how to be a human being all over again. I have tried to find new interests but nothing has taken. Living at the speed of mania was all I ever knew and operating a this new speed is, frankly, boring. My perspective is backwards, mania feels normal and being normal makes me feel crazy.

I have no compulsion or desire to discontinue my treatment and restore the mania. I know that my only healthy choice is to learn how to live in this new world. Most of what I find online is about dealing with bipolar when it is actively a problem. I've yet to find anything about how to cope with your new life once you have it under control.

Is there anyone out there who relates to this or has any advice?

Thanks,
CG

I have felt like this too. I think it is pretty common because much as parts of having unstable, untreated BP can be awful there is also an enjoyable, exciting side to it at times. In my experience it is a slow process of getting used to things day by day and you do adjust. I still have some mood instability but nothing like before treatment and I am more used to feeling "normal" now some years down the line. It just takes time. One thing I think about is some of the bad stuff that happened to me when I was untreated and that can help when I am wishing to go back there as a deterrant.

Things wil get better - give it time

Take good care

Cracked

I know how you feel. Honestly, some days I cannot believe how boring life is medicated. My likes and passions changed and things that I used to love have lost their luster. I have no motivation to pursue them.

But the thing that keeps me taking my meds is remembering the psychosis and mixed state that I went through. I have to see it as a trade up. Everyday life on meds can be boring, but insanity is worse. I can't risk it.

What I don't like is sometimes when you express to people how you feel, like telling them your new life can be boring and all that, and they don't understand and tell you that you are a lucky one to have medication that works. And I know that I am blessed in that way, and believe me I am grateful. But sometimes I just want to vent.

I mean, I used to love going to barbeques and get togethers. I would drink socially and always had a great time. Now I can't drink anymore and most of the time I don't really feel like socializing, so I just end up sitting by my husband all night. Most times I don't even dance anymore.

But at least when I'm medicated, I don't spend huge sums of money on ebay or shopping like I used to. I have a handle on my promiscuous tendencies and I only want my husband. I don't have crying jags for no reason anymore. And I am also a much better role model to my children now. Spending time with them and the rest of my family is really about the only time I feel as happy as I used to. I'm grateful for that.

Hang in there. I know how you feel. Fortunately after some time, I have come back to some of my old loves, like reading, being on a forum (I belonged to one 3 years ago and was very active on it, and it wasn't until a couple of days ago, I suddenly thought, hey, I miss being on a forum!), and writing. Maybe that will happen for you, too. My heart goes out and best wishes to you.

Oh no! I thought maybe my medications were just messed up. I am so bored! I don't like ANYTHING anymore. I used to love improv and I was really good at it, but now I find it boring. I want to reduce the amount of Risperdal I take, but I'm not sure it's a good idea. I HATE THIS!!! I still do plenty of crying. I hate my life. I don't get excited about sex like I used to. I'm afraid my boyfriend is going to notice and think it has something to do with him. There has to be a better solution!


Vanessa
Risperdal 4mg Latuda 60mg

vanessa1982 wrote:Oh no! I thought maybe my medications were just messed up. I am so bored! I don't like ANYTHING anymore. I used to love improv and I was really good at it, but now I find it boring. I want to reduce the amount of Risperdal I take, but I'm not sure it's a good idea. I HATE THIS!!! I still do plenty of crying. I hate my life. I don't get excited about sex like I used to. I'm afraid my boyfriend is going to notice and think it has something to do with him. There has to be a better solution!


Vanessa
Risperdal 4mg Latuda 60mg

I do have one thing that might give you some hope. I know that everyone says, oh, it will get better. Well, the truth is, not everything does get better, but some things actually do. I remember when I first got out of the hospital, I felt exactly like you. Nothing held my attention or motivated me. I literally had to ask my husband what we should do everyday, because I knew that I had to find something to do or I wasn't going to make it. Finally I got my job back and that helped get me out of the bed in the mornings and do something. Where I work, it's slow, but I think that is good because I get to read on my tablet or be here on the forum quite a bit during the day.

Do you work at this time? Even though sometimes I don't want to, I know I need to be around other people. Staying at home for 3 months during my mania/mixed episode only made it worse. I felt completely alone and isolated. Working does help me. It makes me interact in the world so I make myself do it.

I also hate to admit it, but my sex drive is almost nil, too. It went from me being hypersexual to asexual. I wish I had some advice on this point, but I'm pretty baffled, myself. Is there anyone on here who can give advice on this subject? It would be nice to get my libido back. At least, maybe a toned down version. I could live with that.

Vanessa, this is a good thread and I'm going to keep an eye on it because I want to see what other people have to say about all this, as well. Take care!!

Ah yes the life there after and the idea of being a bore. I have and am there. Nothing is the same as it used to be. I really could care less. My wife tells me that I am not the man she married. Much of time I feel like crawling into a shell and dying there. Sorry its bad for you. Its best to get used to it because this is the rest of your life.

Mark

Thanks for the replies guys. It really helps to not feel alone in this.

Regarding libido that is the one thing that hasn't completely faded, but from what I understand Welbutrin does that to you. That's anecdotal though, so your mileage may vary. I have come down from being hypersexual though, which I was to the point of having an affair.

I've got a work from home job, which is great, but it can be slow and I end up with a lot of dead time. This is one of the worst times for me because I'm free to read, watch movies, write, do anything, but I don't. I usually just surf the internet in circles and stare at the wall until the end of the work day. It kills me that I have all the free time that I always dreamed of wanting when when I was manic and now I can't bring myself to do anything with it.

The weekends are nearly as bad. I'm in the same boat of having to ask my wife what to do constantly. I've got three small kids which can fill up some of the time but I have to regulate my time with them or I get overwhelmed.

I'm not depressed or defeatist (most of the time). Just...bored.

Yep. Bored is definitely the right word. *Sigh* I mean, as harmful as being bipolar off of meds is (before diagnosis), at least back then life was pretty exciting. It was mostly bad things, but in the moment, I would get a rush out of so many things. Things that I had no business doing, but I'll tell you what, I was never bored.

I am a Christian and I love God. So in that area, my behavior has done a 180 and I don't feel like I am sinning all the time. Which is a relief. I have become closer to Him through all this.

I think I just need to get more involved in the community, but I swear I don't feel like it. I always wanted to volunteer in a homeless shelter, but I can't get up the motivation to do it. I know that sounds selfish, but that's just the way it is. The only times I am truly happy is on the weekends, which I spend with my family. The rest of the week is when the boredom hits.

I guess the good thing is that I'm not always having to put out the fires I used to create. There are none anymore. So at least I'm staying out of trouble, which has followed me most of the days of my life. I just have to get used to it, I guess.

I worked at home for a year (quite a while back, like years ago) and I had the same problem you do. I would just chat on the internet all day and watch tv. Then feel completely worthless by the end of the day. Some people would love to work at home. I'm not one of them. Depression would set in. Do you think it might help to work outside the home or is that not an option right now?

It's probably not at option, both because this was the only job I could find and I don't know if I'm capable of working in a full-time professional environment anymore. One of my many manic outlets was my job. I burned myself out working at the last one for over ten years. When I ended up healthy I couldn't produce the same any more and they ended up firing me. The job I have now is it is slow enough to allow me to detox from that last experience. But the slowness is a double edged sword.

mixedupmark wrote: Much of time I feel like crawling into a shell and dying there.

Life shouldn't be that black. Talk to your doctor about it. Maybe you can get some talk therapy, or have your medication adjusted.

Take care,