Newly Diagnosed, coming to say "Hi"!

Hi everyone!

This is my first time posting around these parts. I was recently given the diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder, Unspecified because of the rapid-cycling between mania and depression I have when I do feel anything other than emptiness. It's always intense and overwhelming, which landed me in the hospital psychiatric unit, where my diagnoses were re-evaluated. (Previously, my signature would have read, "Major Depressive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Panic Disorder" for my diagnoses).

I'm also struggling with the diagnosis in light of my having Borderline Personality Disorder taken away as a full diagnosis. (You can read more on that here, if you'd like).

Bipolar has been a concern of mine for many years, though it's only been in more recent months, and more extreme in the last few weeks, that it's really been of concern. I went into the hospital "raving manic" where I had been acting on impulse, self-destructive, and only getting three hours of sleep a night, if that.

I feel like the doctors and I had a good, continuing conversation regarding my diagnoses, and while I am struggling with the reality of where I'm at, I can at least accept the Bipolar as it is, rather than questioning, "Why was I diagnosed NOS in comparison to I or II?" or asking why all the other diagnoses brought into light as possibilities weren't covered in my discharge papers. In the very least, I know I was given what I was in order to provide me with the best out-patient treatment care. I am grateful for that!

So that's a little of my story. Good to be here!

Hi Wolf, good to see you over here. I am glad you've decided to join us. (I don't post much here, but I lurk a lot, so I wonder if I should say "them" instead. Diction...)

I'm glad you have accepted BP a little more. I'm also glad you're not obsessing about I, II, or unspecified. I think unspecified is a cool word anyway. Good for you on those things.

Hi Wolf

Welcome to the BP forum - it is filled with friendly, charming and eccentric ppl who are awesome and you will fit in brilliantly

I hope you are managing to get your head around things- it sounds like it. Be kind with yourself and give yourself time to adjust. Any questions please ask.

Sending you a hug

Cracked

CrackedGirl wrote: it is filled with friendly, charming and eccentric ppl who are awesome and you will fit in brilliantly

You seem, to have things under control right now, and are open to learning more about the disorder. Good for you.. We'll get to know you better, and you will know us as you keep on reading and replying to the posts here.

I'm feeling a little hyped right now. A wooga chucka, zoom, zoom, zoom. Hurray Seahawks.
Super Bowl starts in 2 hours. We'll find out what team is the best in the world. Botchem bamboodle ya ya ya. I knew you would understand.

gratteciel wrote:Hi Wolf, good to see you over here. I am glad you've decided to join us. (I don't post much here, but I lurk a lot, so I wonder if I should say "them" instead. Diction...)

I'm glad you have accepted BP a little more. I'm also glad you're not obsessing about I, II, or unspecified. I think unspecified is a cool word anyway. Good for you on those things.

Good to see you, too!

Thanks. It's tough still, and I'll probably dig a little deeper once I'm set with a psychiatrist, but for now I might as well settle in and accept it. And yeah, they were leaning towards II at the beginning of the hospital stay, so I asked why II and not I, to which they explained my impulsivity wasn't on the scale of, saying, buying a house or a car or something - mkay, understandable enough for me.

They chose NOS over II because of the rapid-cycling, an episode might last a mere hours to days, rather than weeks. (I've narrowed it down to about every ten days, now that I've been 'watching' what emotions I do have!)

CrackedGirl wrote:Hi Wolf

Welcome to the BP forum - it is filled with friendly, charming and eccentric ppl who are awesome and you will fit in brilliantly

I hope you are managing to get your head around things- it sounds like it. Be kind with yourself and give yourself time to adjust. Any questions please ask.

Sending you a hug

Cracked

Thank you, Cracked! I've lurked here a bit prior to my diagnosis (since I did have that concern) and I would agree that people here are pretty awesome!

I have my moments, that's for sure. I'm still definitely in that adjustment period. But impulse control is something I'm having to take by every moment, and it helps going back to even the littlest of things. Like this new wolf plush of mine; he was my last impulse buy... xD; But now he's my primary therapy wolf!

*hugs*

One question I do have, how will I know that medication is actually doing its job? I know for certain when it is not (one night in the hospital I was given too high a dose and it made me super high and giggly) but how do I tell when it is working?

I've been struggling with this for many years - meds not working, making me a zombie, etc. and now they're there to help level out the symptoms to make me 'better quicker', but how will I know when my baseline has become this emptiness?

I understand if there's no concrete answer to that. Just wondering if you or anyone else might have any suggestions.

skilsaw wrote:You seem, to have things under control right now, and are open to learning more about the disorder. Good for you.. We'll get to know you better, and you will know us as you keep on reading and replying to the posts here.

I'm feeling a little hyped right now. A wooga chucka, zoom, zoom, zoom. Hurray Seahawks.
Super Bowl starts in 2 hours. We'll find out what team is the best in the world. Botchem bamboodle ya ya ya. I knew you would understand.

Ish. Things are slow, but I do want to learn more. I know the basics, having just finished my degree in Psychology/Counseling back in May. That's been a blessing and a curse in regards to my own mental health. But yes indeed, I want to throw myself into the work it will take towards wellness as much as possible~

Haha.

~ Wolfy

Hi Wolfesque welcome to this part of the forum!

Wolfesque wrote:One question I do have, how will I know that medication is actually doing its job? I know for certain when it is not (one night in the hospital I was given too high a dose and it made me super high and giggly) but how do I tell when it is working?

I've been struggling with this for many years - meds not working, making me a zombie, etc. and now they're there to help level out the symptoms to make me 'better quicker', but how will I know when my baseline has become this emptiness?

I understand if there's no concrete answer to that. Just wondering if you or anyone else might have any suggestions.

I think you'll have to wait and see. Some medications - e.g. Lithium - can take a while to work. If you can identify when you are depressed and (hypo)manic, then you can for example count how many phases you have, how long they last and how much time there is inbetween. Then you compare it over time. You can make a graph depicting your mood over time.

About the emptiness - that's common for the depression side. This is not baseline. The baseline to strive for is euthymia, which is reasonably positive without being overly impulsive or super-duper-happy (because super happy usually comes down on you).

Out of curiosity, what did they give you that made you so hyper?

thejan wrote:Hi Wolfesque welcome to this part of the forum!

I think you'll have to wait and see. Some medications - e.g. Lithium - can take a while to work. If you can identify when you are depressed and (hypo)manic, then you can for example count how many phases you have, how long they last and how much time there is inbetween. Then you compare it over time. You can make a graph depicting your mood over time.

About the emptiness - that's common for the depression side. This is not baseline. The baseline to strive for is euthymia, which is reasonably positive without being overly impulsive or super-duper-happy (because super happy usually comes down on you).

Out of curiosity, what did they give you that made you so hyper?

Hi Jan! Thank you.

Yeah, and I've started doing that to an extent, such as when I was in the hospital - there was a definite difference between the manic state I entered in and the depressed state I left in. Nothing triggered the change in me that I can tell, just that it happened...Graphing it out might be a good idea, thank you for the suggestion.

The emptiness I experience now is different from that I experienced when I was first diagnosed Major Depressive Disorder many years ago; this leads me to conclude it's on the Borderline spectrum of things, which is why I consider it "baseline", if that makes sense. I know it's not the baseline I want (which as you said, would be euthymia) but it's what's currently there.

Oh, it was Paxil. I'm still on it, but they cut the dose after that first night. It was basically a mix of too high a dose with taking it at the wrong time of day, because even with the lowered dose, at first having it too early in the day was still messing with me. Even with the meds I'm not seeing much of a difference, but again, it might still be too soon to tell...

Welcome; I've been diagnosed for a few years now and went through all the range of emotions (this can't be true.... All the way to ok, this must be true). I've taken nearly every drug and medication out there, and have finally found some stuff that works mostly. I used to post a lot, and I not on as much anymore, but I try to lurk around and answer if it's something I think I can help with. Stay the course,and this is a great forum for support. It's helped me many many times. Best

Wolfesque wrote:One question I do have, how will I know that medication is actually doing its job? I know for certain when it is not (one night in the hospital I was given too high a dose and it made me super high and giggly) but how do I tell when it is working?

You stated that you have been tracking your moods which I find to be the easiest way to tell if a medication is working. I have an app on my phone that I use that will even graph out the moods I enter. Over a months time I can look back and visually see a difference from month to month. I find this to be really helpful.

Welcome to the forum! It sounds like you have a lot of knowledge into yourself and you diagnosis which can be a good first step towards recovery

Welcome! I hope you find it as helpful as I did when I was first diagnosed. You seem to have a positive view on things, good for you!