I just started screaming at a taxi driver

Preface: I'm type 2, GAD and Panic.

I just got back from a night out with all my mates. Taxis home cost £20 that we split between us. But tonight the driver charged us £35, and he told us this as he was driving us home, and also told us that he would only make one drop off. I felt myself getting really really angry, i was sat behind him and I wanted to hurt him. I decided to try and hold it in. I just wanted to scream at him.

I managed to hold it in until he pulled over to drop us off, and he'd taken our money, then I just started saying "You overcharged us so much for that journey...." before i knew it i was screaming at him "you're a f*cking disguising human being. I hope someday soon you get a passenger who drives a knife into your neck and kills you, f*cking scumbag..." my mates got me out and told me to let it go. As he drove off I was screaming "f*cking c*nt!!!" at him.

I walked home from where he dropped us off, as we could only have the one drop off it was about a mile from my house, in the middle of where we all live. I'm trying to just calm myself down now and forget about it. I know I shouldn't have let myself get so worked up and so angry over it.

So, bipolar friends, advice on stemming anger when it starts, and more importantly, how can i continue to calm myself down now as I need to get to sleep and can't while i'm still angry about it???

There are two basic suggestions I will make. One is prevention, and the other is in the moment.

You would really be much healthier if you didn't go out and stay late and drink. Not drinking would eliminate most of this kind of anger. It may not seem fair when your mates stay out late and you can't, but it is for your health. Remember you have a life threatening disorder. Instead go and meet your friends for an evening drink and catch the bus home.

In the moment, try and have empathy for the taxi driver. Perhaps you can imagine he is your brother, out there and trying to make a living, having to put up with all sorts of abuse, verbal, physical, runaways, perhaps working a second job to pay for a sick child. You didn't say why the rate increase. Perhaps it was a public holiday.

Go to a therapist and learn some relaxation techniques so you can practice them in the moment.

Also examine your motives. You said the cab fare was 35. How much then did you and your mates spend on drinks for the night? What proportion of the night was spent making sure that you all got safely home?

You complained that he only told you the fare on the way home. It was equally your responsibility to discuss this before departing. And, if you really wouldn't pay the 35 what were you going to do if you refused that level of fare? A pointless concern.

If you think in this way you will reduce your anger.

bipolarbirdie wrote:You would really be much healthier if you didn't go out and stay late and drink.

He didn't specifically mention drinking, just going out.

Tony, from what you describe, I think you had every reason to be upset. You didn't handle it well, of course, but it wasn't just because of nothing. I would've been extremely angry too in your situation.

You say you tried to hold it in. I don't know about you, but when I do that it tends to make matters worse. When I do let it out, it comes out a lot worse. Do you think that if you had said something earlier you might've managed to keep it cool?

I don't really have any other advice for what to do in that situation. It's not like you could've just walked out, which is what I usually do when the anger starts building. As for later, when you're trying to wind down, I always resort to exercise - letting it out all out by punching a punching bag or a mattress. I know it's a heavy exercise to do when you have to go to sleep after, but it's the only thing that helps me. Walking usually helps too, but you said you had to walk home, so I'm guessing that didn't help much.

I started screaming slowly, but it escalated until I found fault with everything and screamed at my family non stop. The anger boiled over into a couple fights with strangers on the street. That's when my wife asked me to leave. I think the screaming was learned behavior. After moving out, I had a lot of therapy with a psychologist. There, rather than screaming, I cried out of helplessness. The situation was out of my control.

I learned that anger is a secondary emotion and I should look for the initial emotion. With this taxi ride the feeling might have been of injustice, helplessness, being taken advantage of, being disrespected, lack of control... You had every reason to feel angry. But loosing your cool was not on. (I should talk. I'm expert at loosing my cool.)

Chalk it up as a learning experience. Be glad the situation went no further. Learn from it, and move on.

Take care,

invicta wrote:

bipolarbirdie wrote:You would really be much healthier if you didn't go out and stay late and drink.

He didn't specifically mention drinking, just going out.

Tony, from what you describe, I think you had every reason to be upset. You didn't handle it well, of course, but it wasn't just because of nothing. I would've been extremely angry too in your situation.

Well I did assume that drinking was a highly likely catalyst given the situation. If you weren't drinking, then you can safely ignore all references I made to it. But drinking is the most common factor behind taxi driver abuse. You might assume that I know a taxi driver. I do.

A few people have said that your anger was justified in the situation. I would say that feeling angry is an allowable emotion but your behaviour was not justified. Nobody deserves to be screamed abuse at in the course of their duties. And I'm sure you realise it otherwise you would not have written this post. It is important to allow your emotions to pass through rather than trying to fight them. Acknowledge your emotion when it comes, take a breath, and try to make a considered decision.

And so the question remains what to do when you feel injustice and the anger rising like that? Like I said, trying to see the other person's point of view really helps. Then you can more clearly assess whether this taxi driver is truly robbing you blind (yes there are dodgy ones out there) or if the price rise may be legitimate. If you stay calm you might be able to negotiate a price, or otherwise get the cab number and name of the driver and make a report to the company later.