Serious suicidal ideation vs Maladaptive Daydreaming (TW)

xfa wrote:Don't wanna go on with all my self-pitying right now..Just pointing out that I've hit the lowest of the lows..Still hanging in there though..

Don't you worry about that! If you're anything like me, this is the only place I can actually say how I feel and not feel judged. If we don't have a place to vent, then things just start piling (sp?) up, which makes everything worse. Let it out, people here are generally very supportive and understanding.

xfa wrote:Note to self: Checking out facebook-profiles of people in my age being outgoing, successful schoolwise and just generally happy is not a good idea..

Don't forget that all those profiles don't mean much... I mean, if you look at my FB profile you'd think I was the happiest, most successful person alive (I'm not!). I can fake a smile and post a "happy" picture while feeling utterly devastated inside.

xfa wrote:The fact that everything is already prepared for the moment of moments comforts me right now.

Those might be the longest 2-3 weeks of my entire life....

What do you mean? Your appointment? Hang in there, xfa, you've made it this far, you can make it a couple more weeks!

*sending you all my strength*

invicta wrote:What do you mean? Your appointment? Hang in there, xfa, you've made it this far, you can make it a couple more weeks!

*sending you all my strength*

Yes, I have an appointment in a few weeks.

Thanks for all the support, I really appreciate it.

A little update: After hitting an extreme low yesterday, I am now having a high. Not sure if it's hypomania, but my dopamine is having a good day (I hope it's a day). Without drugs!
So how does it feel? Well, I am confident, optimistic, energetic and I just generally feel much better. Looking back at all the things that went through my mind the past few days I am happy that I didn't make any mistakes or impulsive decisions. Some of the things I got mad or frustrated about are now a joke (e.g: the obsession with sex..). I don't even care about these girls on facebook anymore or most of the other things that made me feel bad (before the depression it also didn't really bother me). I feel "normal".

I'm not sure how quick I'll descend into the depression again, but it's good to know that all the things that seem so overwhelming during that state really aren't that big of a deal when the neurotransmitters are doing their job right.

Still though, I am not trying to get delusional about all this..As some people here know, too much dopamine can be as bad as too little. (the last time I felt this way was about a month ago, that didn't happen naturally though..)

xfa wrote:Yes, I have an appointment in a few weeks.

Thanks for all the support, I really appreciate it.

A little update: After hitting an extreme low yesterday, I am now having a high. Not sure if it's hypomania, but my dopamine is having a good day (I hope it's a day). Without drugs!
So how does it feel? Well, I am confident, optimistic, energetic and I just generally feel much better. Looking back at all the things that went through my mind the past few days I am happy that I didn't make any mistakes or impulsive decisions. Some of the things I got mad or frustrated about are now a joke (e.g: the obsession with sex..). I don't even care about these girls on facebook anymore or most of the other things that made me feel bad (before the depression it also didn't really bother me). I feel "normal".

I'm not sure how quick I'll descend into the depression again, but it's good to know that all the things that seem so overwhelming during that state really aren't that big of a deal when the neurotransmitters are doing their job right.

Still though, I am not trying to get delusional about all this..As some people here know, too much dopamine can be as bad as too little. (the last time I felt this way was about a month ago, that didn't happen naturally though..)

Yay! It's good to know you're no longer so low! Do be careful though, don't let it get out of control. As you say, too much can be a bad thing... That balance is hard to achieve, that's for sure. Try and avoid making big decisions if you feel you're a bit too high. Wait it out, and see if it still makes sense in a few days. I'm not trying to "spoil your fun", just letting you know you should pay attention to any warning signs. I know hypomania can feel awesome, but if it gets out of hand, it can be really dangerous and not feel awesome anymore. It sounds like you have good insight, which is great, so try and use that to your advantage.

I hope you can manage to stay "normal" (whatever that is!) and not get too high nor too low. If you need anything, post a reply here, start a new thread, whatever makes you feel more comfortable. Don't burden yourself all on your own!

Hugs