Who would dare hate happiness?

Happiness is such a wonderful thing indeed..

I've been searching for it for a long time, many times I mistook simple excitement for happiness. There was only one, just one time when I had a glimpse of it, the real thing. It was there in front of me, but I couldn't grab it, I couldn't make it mine, like trying to open a locked door that has no key to it.

I'm starting to hate, really hate, everyone, everything, because everything is so unpredictable, everything can turn upside down with just a snap of a finger. It's so easy, to destroy something built through hard work. It's so easy to hate, and so difficult to be happy, so easy to give up, so difficult to keep at it until you make it there.

The irony is that I'm the kind of guy, or was at least, I'm not sure anymore, who wouldn't give up no matter what. I've moved through this life like a train, I never stopped at anything, went past many obstacles. But then you get tired, the balance weakens, you lose sight of why you do it, why you keep going. My "motivation" was that sooner or later it would happen, something really good will happen, but that something passed by me many times, as if it's not meant to be. I hate this broken world, I really do.

Wouldn't it be easier to just let it all go? To destroy everything and let everything you try to keep out, flood in and let it be?

Don't give up now!

I once observed to my boss that something was not "fair".
His response was, "Who said life is supposed to be fair?"
I couldn't accept it at the time, but have slowly come to understand that life isn't fair.
And having accepted that, life seems much less a battle.

Take care,

One of the things I learned at NA is that sometimes life just happens. Not everything is under my control (in fact, barely anything is). Strangely enough, accepting this made me feel much easier. It doesn't mean I give up without trying. It means I know which battles not to pick at all, because the amount of work I'd have to put into them is way, way, way bigger than perceived reward... that I might not even get anyway.

"Don't give up" is a very open statement. No, don't give up life and the world; it's big, exciting and full of, well, everything. Do give up trying to live only one life according to tight deadlines and schemes you repeatedly fail at. So maybe the world is broken; but that's the only one we have. Acknowledge its brokenness, then move on. Your happiness is waiting behind the corner.