What should I do now?

There are self-help groups that cost almost nothing and do help many people. I went to Recovery, Inc. and received much help for depression, anxiety, and bipolar illness. Public libraries also have many books about bipolar and other subjects. If there is a book that you want, they can order it through an interlibrary loan. Again the cost be be nothing or close to nothing. On my website, I have a lot of information about dealing with bipolar illness.
Good Luck,
Jim S