What Am I?

I think I might be bipolar, but Im not sure.

I can't concentrate anymore, and my mind races constantly. I get annoyed very easily, and constantly think that others think Im crazy. Everything revolves around other people with me.

Im never satisifed with myself, and I disagree with every single thing that happens every second of the day, many days. I break down every single thought I have into its molecular structure (I like to call it my who?what?when?where?why? of panic), then I try to break it down even more. After doing that for an exteneded period of time, Ill have a panic attack.

I sway between depression, and what feels like a shadow of contentment that is so deeply underlying I can't reach it. So I try to force my "inner hand" to grab it, but it only ends up causing another panic attack.

I know Im having panic attacks, and Im depressed, but Im also having "loud" thoughts, that are more loud sometimes than others. Im not hearing voices, just thoughts that are "louder" than normal.

What the hell is wrong with me.

Yes, you might be bipolar, but you could have something else, or just be reacting to life events.

Have you tried talking to a professional? Could you talk to your minister or priest? Are you going thorugh any life changes at present? Sometimes under great stress, our minds will spead up and jump around like your's seems to be doing.
Good Luck,
Jim S

Yes, I have been to professional, but it was about 10 years ago. They said it was anxiety/depression, but its a little more different this time around. I feel bad, but its alot more of a disconnected feeling.

Im not really going through any life changes. I drink heavily, so it masks alot of what is going on with myself. Ever seen a guy drink 25 beers, and act more normal than he did when he was sober?

Thats me.

ShouldI,
Have you looked into Panic Disorder? I was having lots of out-of-the-blue Panic Attacks, and didn't understand them until I happened upon a webpage about Depersonalization, Derealization, and Dissociation. It shed so much light on what I was feeling right before the Panic Attacks. Sounds like what you may be experiencing, but I agree that you need to see a pdoc about it. Don't let your general practioner doctor blow it off as "hyperventiliation" like mine did. Sure you can hyperventilate, but there's a reason!

Now that I know why I'm having the attacks (spurred by being freaked out by the Derealization and Dissociation), I've quit having the Panic Attacks. I still feel the derealization feelings quite a bit, but they don't freak me out now, so there's no reason to go into a full-blown attack. I've educated myself about them, so I don't have to fear them. And, poof!, they're gone.

I have Bipolar Disorder, Panic Disorder, and OCD. The OCD part was only because of obsessive thoughts - usually sacreligious thoughts, and horrible thoughts of accidents and death. I could NOT get those thoughts out of my head for anything. I felt horrible all day, and would have to physically squint my eyes and shake my head to get a thought out of my head. Then at night, well, they'd never stop. It was very hard to sleep when you can't get the thought of your 3-yr-old being slammed in the van door over and over. Bluh!

Anyway - once I learned about the obsessive thoughts of OCD, and realized I wasn't an awful person or weird, then they went away, too! After 3 days of a few thoughts trying to sneak in - which I'd say, whatever, that's normal... - I was bad-thought free.

But, the racing thoughts of Bipolar are different, so I'm not sure what you're feeling. When I was in a major manic state, pre-meds, I'd have 25 layers of thoughts like on move-strips that would zoom back and forth in miliseconds, and I could see, feel, hear and taste every single "thought" as they were whizzing by all at once in miliseconds. Makes you realize how fascinating the brain is and what it's capable of. So I'd definitely see a pdoc.

I know how hard it is to put your finger on what's wrong, but you won't know until you go for help. And don't take "it's nothing" for an answer. Try, try again.

Hi,

If you regularly drink 25 beers a night some of your newer different symptoms might relate to that compounding whatever the intial problem was. Thiamine and other nutritional deficiencies, which you get when you drink too much, and withdrawal from alcohol can cause quite severe psychiatric symtpoms. Easier said than done to stop I know, but it cant be good for you, even if it does relieve some of your other symptoms.

Lillian

Yes, Im done trying to relieve myself. This time, Im looking for a cure.

I havent drank in a week, and its not been peachy. I didnt drink everyday. Usually 4-5 days a week. Even that is far too much.

It actually feels better being able to get it out, rather than having to hide it. I know I don't have to hide it, but if I acted like I feel, they'd have me committed.

I made an appointment with a professional for Friday.

Thanks alot guys.