Bipolar and College

I am 18 and I was (correctly) diagnosed with Bipolar Type I disorder (with psychotic features) when I was 17. When I was 11 I became severely depressed and was given antidepressants, which immediately threw me into a severe, manic, agitated state. I began to cut myself and hear voices, and instead of being taken off the antidepressants, I was given an antipsychotic. The psychiatrist I had at the time, I would find out later, was crazy herself. My brother's girlfriend's (whom he is still with) parents are a psychologist and a therapist. Her mother (the therapist) worked in the same office as the psychiatrist so he told me all about my former psychiatrist. He heard that she would hear voices that would tell her to give certain medications and that she believed that she talked to the dead. She lost her license to practice and no one has heard from her since.

This woman overmedicated me so much that I would have seizures and became a vegetable. I was admitted to the local acute psych ward after I tried to kill myself (the first of 8 times) and was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I was still depressed so I was put on more antidepressants which made me more psychotic so I was put on more antipsychotics which also made me more psychotic (everyone has a certain threshold.)

What pisses me off is that no one ever really bothered to talk to my mother about my symptoms. My mother obviously had no idea and agreed with whatever the doctor said. But, both my mother and my father have *very* strong family histories of bipolar disorder; my father is a manic depressive acholic but it didn't seem like anybody really cared. They are the M.D., so they must be right.

I went back to the hospital 7 more times and was sent to the state hospital for long term care because I was getting worse. I was 13 and I would remain there until I was almost 17. The first year and a half was spent mostly in 5 point restraints and being given shots of Haldol, Geodon, and Thorazine. I was completely manic and psychotic. It wasn't until later though that I got a different doctor and someone finally got smart.

I was taken off all of my meds and I improved greatly. But I started to get manic and pretty soon I thought that I was going to go to Harvard and get my PhD in math. I would stay up all night and study calculus and talk constantly about math. I would hear voices telling me I was going to win the Nobel Prize. I was given Lithium and I calmed down.

A month later though, I started to get depressed and soon fell into a deep, nearly catanoic depression. I was given Lamictal and I was okay. Lithium for mania and Lamictal for depression is the gold standard in medication for some.

I was released two months before my 17th birthday. The hospital said they were going to follow up and get me a doctor, a therapist, and talk to the school and put me on an IEP, but they never did. I was thrown into the biggest school in the state (almost 4,000 people) and I had never been in high school before. Because of my test results, I was placed in all advanced classes and did well (my lowest grade was a 97.) But it soon became too much.

I got a new doctor and was offically diagnosed with BPI and I also found out that I have severe social anxiety disorder. The symptoms I experienced when around people (and especially around school) were just panic attacks. I can barely speak above a whisper and cannot talk to someone I don't know, and certaintly not in front of a classroom.

I skipped class and skipped my exams and barely finished out the year. The next year, I failed from the start. A few months after the start of school, I started to be tutored from home. But, I became very depressed and was unable to do my schoolwork. On the adivce of my teachers and doctor, they reccommended that I drop out and get my GED.

I did and this summer I'll be starting at the local technical college. I was going to take the SAT and apply to a 4-year college because I scored so high on my GED, but I decided that it would be better to go to the technical college. I get to live at home, it's smaller, and it's almost free. I'm planning to transfer to the local college in about a year.

I would really prefer to only go part time, but then I can't get *any* scholarships, and I can't afford to pay for college and I don't want a zillion dollars in student loans. Right now, I'm looking for a job and I've applied for one at the local libray, part time, which, if I get it, should be pretty low key; I'll have to shelve books and other library stuff (I don't know...)

Is anyone else bipolar and in college (and doing well?) If so, what keeps you afloat? How do you cope with depression/mania and still manage to get through? What kind of resources does your college have for students with mental illness? If your going through a really hard time, are any of your professors understanding of it? Do you have a job? How do you pay for it? Is living in a dorm "livable?" Do you go full time or part time? How long will it take you to get your undergraduate degree? Are you planning to get an advanced degree?

If I think of anything else, I'll post it.

Thank you!

Wow, you've certainly been through the worst of the worst in terms of mental health care systems. I'm sorry about that; it completely infuriates me the way some doctors can't be bothered to use their brain. Incompetent and insane doctors make people so much worse.

So to answer your questions...

Is anyone else bipolar and in college (and doing well?) If so, what keeps you afloat? How do you cope with depression/mania and still manage to get through?

I go to the largest university in the nation, and if it weren't for all the pressure to meet deadlines and uphold certain grades, I'd be completely in love with the experience. My GPA dropped from a 4.0 to a 3.6 in the two years I've been here, but the worst drop occurred while I was undiagnosed and on an SSRI -- which caused a 3 month mixed episode w/ rapid cycling, and many regrets.

But otherwise it's great, and ironically the pressure keeps me more stable than otherwise. Just having a goal and purpose is exciting and distracting, and I'm forced to get up everyday and do something.

I cope with the disfunctional state my moods put me in by working hard in therapy & with med management to control them, and with the Services for Students with Disabilities office's accomodations. I'll explain further below.

I've been diagnosed bipolar II, then bipolar NOS (because of the mixed episodes) but basically I only get hypomania. Lately I've not been able to make myself go to bed at night, which causes me to miss lots of class. Also, I become severely bulimic, and promiscuous when hypomanic -- just lose all judgment in those areas. But generally it doesn't affect my school work, I'm predominately depressed or mixed.

How long will it take you to get your undergraduate degree? Do you go full time or part time? Are you planning to get an advanced degree?

Three years for my undergrad, & probably at least a year longer than average in grad school. I started college as a sophmore because of AP credit & CLEP tests, so I normally would take 12 hours, but this last year I've done 9 each semester while I get more stable. DON'T PUSH YOURSELF -- you'll kill your GPA & lose all stability.

What kind of resources does your college have for students with mental illness? If your going through a really hard time, are any of your professors understanding of it?

As previously mentioned, my school has an office dedicated to serving the needs of disabled students. My accomodations include: counted as a full-time student when part-time; early registration; "assisted" note taking (get all notes e-mailed to me); & double time on all tests.

I'm also diagnosed ADHD (I thought this was why I got so many accomodations) but my purely bipolar friend say she gets all the same. The notes are great for those days when I wake up with anxiety (mild, transient social anxiety) or depression... or when I get insomnia & can't sleep until 5am. Also, another option to consider is online classes offered by a community college or university. You can do maybe 1/3 of your courses this way.

Do you have a job? How do you pay for it? Is living in a dorm "livable?"

I only work during the summer, & everything's paid for by my parents, as well as a trust fund of some sort. I never lived in a dorm, but have heard they are not "livable" -- one bipolar/borderline friend developed a really severe episode from living in one. It's just depressing, so I've heard. The best way to go is to live with friends. You need social support to manage the illness, especially when putting yourself in a high-stress situation.

A big school might be good for you -- huge lecture classes, you're totally anonymous, & no class discussions. Everyone just walks around plugged into their Ipods, so you can numb yourself to the crowds this way. In any case, this is looong, so I'll stop. Good luck in your college career, you sound like a very bright, capable person.

Jessie



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