Forgot to sleep, up again. Forever fending off triggers.

I always work so hard to try to get enough sleep, eat well, get out of the house, exercise, relax... And while a lot of that sounds like it should be easy, it's not, and it just gets exhausting fending off triggers all the time, HAVING to have routine. A couple days ago I kind of gave up. On a scale of one to ten, five being baseline, I think I've been at about a seven or eight since, and it's getting embarrassing. I feel like a vacuous, inattentive child running around in awe of everything, creative but irritable, and mostly incapable of remembering to do things like eat or sleep or take care of grown-up things in the midst of all my craziness.

I guess the point of this post is that I'm irritated (surprise surprise) that I have to be so vigilant of my day-to-day behavior to try to keep this from happening, on top of taking meds, and instead of resolving it, I'm going to complain about it some more, preferably to other people, but to rocks and household appliances if need be. That is all.

Also, I just heard my dad's voice, in my head, specifically through one ear, saying my name reproachfully. WHY. I almost never get hallucinations beyond corner of the eye shadows... $#%^ is scary and I hate it.

Hey Lexicon_Devil,

I’m sorry things aren’t going so great atm. I can understand getting tired of having to manage triggers so carefully all the time instead of just being able to "wing it." I hope things settle down for you soon. *hugs*

Lexicon_Devil wrote:I'm going to complain about it some more, preferably to other people, but to rocks and household appliances if need be.

Be careful which household appliances you talk to. The ones that talk back can drive you nuts! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRq_SAuQDec