Hypomanic and overwhelmed

There is loads of stuff going in at the moment in my life and with my health and I'm starting to feel really quite overwhelmed to the point where I want to discharge myself from services conpletely. All services not just MH services.

Quick background: I was on an anti psychotic medication that cause me to have an irregularity on my ECG meaning my heart was beating out of rhythm. My psych approach a cardiologist who advices me to come off the anti psychotic. I have an appointment at the cardiology clinic next week. Dispite being on a mood stabiliser and low dose anti depressant (I have bipolar 1) I became hypomanic And I didn't sleep for 4 days which caused me to become run down and catch a cold.
My psych is taking me off the anti d and increasing the mood stabiliser to treat the hypomania and added some high dose benzos to help with sleep as I can't be put back on the anti psych meds just yet.
My psych also said I have low platelets meaning I could have problems with my blood not clotting properly.
Also I saw my gp last week about a numbness in my leg and she seems to think I have a vit b deficiency or a nervous system problem (I'm still awaiting blood results).

Dispite the medication changes I'm still hypomanic and sleeping poorly, still have a cold, the pain and numbness in my leg is getting worse, I am getting some horrible withdrawals from coming off 2 meds and I have been told I'm not allowed to exercise (which is one of my favorite things to do) because of my heart.

It's all just too much and I'm sick of going to appointments and being tested on and meds changing every few days. The more they test me the more they seem to find.

If I'm honest I just wanna be left to enjoy the hypomania rather than being medicated out of it and all the side effects that goes along with it.

Gosh hon - that is a lot to deal with. I am really sorry to hear you are going through all of that. I can understand why it would feel very overwhelming. Please dont disengage from services tho. It sounds like you really need to be seeing ppl atm. but it also sounds like someone needs to be in charge and coordinating things. In terms of overseeing all the different specialities perhaps the best person to do that would be your GP. But if there is someone you would prefer then ask them. I think someone needs to be having an overview of what is going on for you and coordinating all the medics etc.

Huge hugs honey

Cracked

That sounds like a lot to go through. I hope things get better for you here soon. I remember the times I was full blown manic. It sucks really badly.many Hugs if needed*

My psych just called me and pissed me off a bit. Well a lot.
He was like if you get any more dizzy spells you need to go to a&e and get an ECG. Yea but my dizzy spells last all of 2-10minutes. By the time I actually get to a&e the whole drama will be over and done with and it will just waste time and resources. I'm not going to a&e!

He also called to talk about how "the team" think I should consider contacting occupational health about my current issues, particularly the high mood (yes that is right he is putting a mild hypomanic episode above potental cardiac abnomalities, abnormal blood results and nervious system problems..... His priorities seem to be a bit mixedup). He was like if your hypomanic You could go one of 2 way: even higher and manic, causing psychosis or drop into depression. They can support you if that happens. Firstly, stop trying to predict the future you are a doctor not a psychic secondly, No they won't support me they will just ask me to take time off/redo parts of my course. They will not provide me with thrapy or home visits to support my health and wellbeing. No. they will watch and wait to see if they need to take me out of university or placement.
I also reminded him that this hypomania isnot actually that much of a problem. I have it under control. I'm not hallucinating or hearing voices, I'm not being irratic or dangerous. I'm putting all the hypomanic energy into good things like Uni essays and tidying the house and helping others and sex (im a tad over sexualised). I'm enjoying my life and I feel great why is that such an issue.
Then he was like "well kate I think your idea of how ill you are and how ill we think you are is very different". Well that is because you wrong and being a f***ing drama queen.... Or king coz he's a man.

IM NOT MENTALLY ILL. STOP TELLING ME IM CRAZY WHEN IM OBVIOUSLY MANAGING FINE!

Really pisses me off. Really really.

Once a crazy person always a crazy person. That's all they think.
Everything is a symptom.

Really want to discharge myself. I don't understand why everyone is over reacting so much and worrying so much about what 'might' happen rather than what is happening.

Hi hon

I really can understand your frustration with how you are being treated and everything that is going on. I would however urge you to be cautious about discharging yourself particularly because of the medical issues that are going on. The problems vs benefits of hypomania can be debated and sometimes it is not bad in and of itself - tho it can have consequences of course. But the physical stuff sounds like it needs to be sorted. Have they thought about doing a 24 hour ECG? Anyhow please just vbe wary about self discharge even tho I fully understand that the position you are in atm is not a good one.

Huge hugs

Cracked

I just had a similar talk with my therapist tonight. My moods have also been a little off. I had some very manageable hypomania for about a month which then calmed down for a couple of weeks, but in the past few days have had some serious paranoid thoughts, intense anxiety, and difficulty concentrating. I told my therapist that since I'm still able to work that everything is fine. (I might not be at my best at work, but I'm also not in any trouble atm.) My therapist asked me to look at my history, and from prior conversations that we've had about what precipitated hospitalizations. Which for me are paranoia, delusions, and self injury. He suggested that since I just started with the paranoia, and that that typically precipitates a hospitalization that it might be time to take this a little more seriously. We made a plan for me to cope during the next week till we meet again.

So the reason I mention this, is perhaps it would be helpful to you to think about what precipitated other hospitalizations and where you might be at now on that scale. I know you mentioned hearing voices, hallucinating, and being erratic and dangerous were some things that precipitated hospitalizations for you. Were there any signs before you started hearing the voices, hallucinating etc?

Just a thought. It really put things into perspective for me tonight when I talked things over with my therapist.