...Another." Does it sound like I am BiPolar" question?

I'm a 37 year old single male. My Grandmother is BiPolar.

I have never felt normal, been diagnosed as ADD when I was a kid. I'm a loner, ruined a great 5 year relationship , and go through some crazy mood swings. I miss my ex's so much, and the thought that I hurt them kills me.

There are days that I can't even fuction for hours after wakening from an 8 hour sleep. Coffee tends to make me more edgy and irritable. I have a way of talking down to people, and it always seems to effect my jobs. I can never hold a job long enough, any new job I start and I feel normal, and energized, and somthing happens after the first few months and I become the most hated person and I loose my job, moist recently a loved high paying job, I got blindsided and lost, I was told the reason because I don't work well with others.

I'm am so hurt and devestated by this news, I've for weeks saw this coming, I had nightmares that predicted that I would loose my job and I would awake in cold sweat.

Now, I'm unemployeed and facing sure financial failure.

I need to get help. I can't keep living my life alone, I have always been in denial of my condition, but am afraid to seek help and afraid of being on meds for the rest of my life.
unfortunatly, I'm seeking help too late, I lost my dream job because of my condition and my habit of talking down to people and alienating myself.

When I am in the "State of anxiety" I tend to stutter and stammer on my words, I forget soemtimes what I'm talking about and it just leads to embarresing moments and me
getting frusterated.

I don't even know where to seek help.

Lost in a brain cloud in Miami

It sounds like you're opposed to the idea, but for almost all bipolars, the only way to get better is by using meds (and therapy, of course, but that alone won't get you all the way). Are you doing either of the two right now? I wasn't quite sure from your post. If not, there are web pages devoted to helping you find counseling, free group therapy, and other resources available in your commuinity (http://www.dbsalliance.org is really helpful).

And I don't think it's too late for you. In fact, you may find that you have more opportunities than ever before once you get treatment for your disorder(s) whatever it/they may be. I strongly urge you to get help ASAP, since stressful life events are triggers for those of us with mood/anxiety disorders. Trying to find the right meds and treatment is hellacious when you're stuck in a debilitating depression.

I wish you well!

Jessie

Thanks Jess,

I'm not on any meds right now, even tho I have been taking xanax to get me to sleep during this crisis.

I'd do anything at this point to feel what normal people feel, because at this point in my life, I realize, I'm not normal.

It sounds like you're going through a very hard time, with depression whether it's bipolar disorder or not I don't know. There are a lot of people who have anxiety disorders also and with meds and some life style changes you can become normal, It just takes time.

I would go to a dr and get an opinion. Sometimes you'll have to go to a couple. With me I could tell it was more than depression because I would go through times where my mind would think fast and I thought I was so smart, then it would go too fast and start to race and race. At this point I sometimes wouldn't be able to sleep for days. There is other symptoms too.

Mental illness is not as accepted as cancer or any other physical illness so it makes it hard to ask for treatment, but it's an illness just the same. You're not defective and there are many options once you're diagnosed. Once I got on meds and started thinking clearly, I was able to get off some of them and make some adjustments to my life style. Every one's path is different, good luck.

Well I saw a Pychiatrist, who diagnosed me with BiPolar with several phobeas, Social and Avoidant Personality Disorder.

Wasn't the best news in the world, I just been in denial for so long, I've been living my life trying to be someone I'm not. Running away from the real me, and It's about time I face the truth.

I wasted so many years trying to impress, that here I am, 37 years old, single, no kids, never married. I destroyed a wonderful 5 year relationship, because I was so narrsasistic and shallow, I thought the grass was much greener on the other side of the fence, and every relationshipp I had after, was ruined becasue I kept comparing them to my ex.

I'm hoping I could now find some balance in my life. I really hope the meds will help me with myself.

Wow, I'm going through a rude awakening and a midlife crisis at the same time.
I'm so damned lonely.

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your diagnoses, you must be coping with so much right now. I'm glad you've had the strength to get help, and not give in to hoplessness. The only thing that kept me hanging on was knowing how many pills there were out there . After I got that worked out, then I was really able to get work done in therapy.

I know that being alone right now seems torturous... but on the flip side, you really need this time to focus on yourself, and not have to worry about sustaining a relationship or pleasing someone else. Also, it can make you really insecure if you're constantly trying to look well, and measure up to someone else's standards of progress. In some regards I think it's better to be alone than to fear abandonment.

I'd be suspicious about the avoidant personality disorder diagnosis, though, unless you've been seeing this psychiatrist for a while. Personality disorders take a long time to diagnose (particularly since you never "recover" from them in the same sense as other disorders). The diagnosis shouldn't matter too much in terms of meds, anyway; but in general, if your doctor is throwing a bunch of diagnoses at you he may be over-diagnosing you. Which can make you feel worse than you should. I got a total of five diagnoses in four months, which narrowed down to 2-3 thereafter.

Hope you start feeling better soon.

Jessie
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Thanks Jesse,

Yeah, I'm going through a lot right now, not to bad during the day, but one the sun starts to set, things begin to get difficult for me. I guess because this is the time I'm usually heading to work.

I'm really beating myself up, I promised myself that once my medical with the company kicks in I would seek help fro myself, unfortunatly, I waited to long, now I'm seeking help with Medical insurance that will soon be expiring and searching for a new job.

I know whatever I find will never pay even close to the salary i was making, and that itself will cause a strain on my new job, when I get one.

And to think , only a few weeks ago I was, really happy with my job, and all my energy was focused to being the best at what I do, now here I am alone, upset, frusterated, and pretty much beat up.


My Friends have stopped calling me, I don't blame them, who wants to hear a grown man, complaign.....Bitch .....and moan.

Sad thing is, doing that makes me feel better.

I just wish these meds would work faster, I need to get out of this downward slump.