Not sure if bipolar?

Hi everyone,

I am an 18 year old girl and I have been taking some (unprofessional) online tests to see if I am bipolar. The thought that I could be came to me about two years ago, when I was in a really bad place: I had eating problems (though was never diagnosed, because I basically fasted, then binged every other day so I didn't gain or lose much weight), and as a result of that I got really sad and started cutting and having suicidal and depressive thoughts. But then I had a few moods that I found really strange. One I clearly remember was when my sister and I had to clean the table and I was laughing really loudly and strangely, but then I would get mad and scream at her.. This went on for like 15 minutes and the switch between silly crazy and angry was made every minute or so. I got very busy with graduation last year, and so it all kind of 'went into the background' for as far as that's possible, but I still felt haunted and depressed a lot.
I now have a very serious and lovely boyfriend for about half a year, and I started taking birth control pills about four months ago. Then I got into an accident where I dislocated my knee and was forced to be in a cast for two weeks and this is when the crying episodes started: I would cry really loudly, first because of clear reasons, but ever since I have been getting these moods and sometimes I simply cry at the thought of being alone for a few hours, or even at the thought of happy things like how much I love my parents. At first I thought it was because of the birth control. Sometimes, too, the 'manic' things come back and I get really wild and annoying, and I laugh a lot about stupid things and talk a lot louder than usual. I'm very much an introvert so the difference is significant. Also, I can get paranoid and think that everybody in the room is talking about me and when they laugh it's because of me, and sometimes I have these 'delusions' where I think something happened but it didn't, or it was a dream and I just couldn't tell the difference. One time I had a dream about taking a ballet class, and when I woke up I was determined to take ballet classes again in real life so I started researching schools in my neighborhood and even watched two ballet-related movies that day: the next day I couldn't recall why I had felt so strongly about it and didn't want to take ballet classes anymore. Sometimes I also have trouble remembering things, but not very often. And I have racing thoughts and a busy mind but I've always had this so I'm not sure whether I should see this as a 'symptom' or not.
I don't cut anymore, which I am very proud of. And I'm scared to think too much about all this, especially because my boyfriend just thinks I'm overthinking and overreacting. But honestly, I just want to know what's going on so that I can find a way to feel better. I thought maybe you guys could help, with your opinions, before I go to a doctor or anything... I'm sorry for the long story but I hope some of you are willing to help me out!

X. 'little cricket'

Hi Little cricket.

I hope you're in a better place at the moment. It's possible it's bipolar but there are some other real possibilities. Only a trained p-doc can accurately distinguish between some of the disorders out there and even with a trained p-doc it can be hit or miss sometimes.

The weird thing/problem is that I am very happy, with my boyfriend, and I have a good job and a place of my own and a steady income and all that... What could be causes of my 'misery' and (fear of a) disorder are the fact that I'm constantly tired, even when I do sleep a lot; the stress of the job and the upcoming auditions for the Conservatory I have; the fear of losing my boyfriend/ending up alone... So, several things. I'm not even sure if you can possibly 'develop' something like bipolar disorder, or that it's most likely genetic (I have no family members who have this disorder). Also, my moods can switch very quickly (although lately I've mostly been down with weird up/hyper moments).

If this is not bipolar disorder, what else could it be? What do the symptoms sound like, if it even is a disorder (and not just temporary stress)?

It could be cyclothymia depending on how severe the mood swings are.

It could be borderline personality disorder which you seem to show some symptoms of, such as fear of abandonment. It depends on how tolerant you are of being alone. There are other symptoms to distinguish this from bipolar.

It could be schizoaffective depending on whether you have psychotic symptoms such as delusions during periods you aren't having a mood disturbance.

It's still possible it's bipolar.

And it could just be stress.

Only a doctor can sort it all out.

well i tried to respond, but the site timed me out.

to keep it short, see a psychiatrist, not a family doc not a psychologist. you want someone who can prescribe propper meds. there are meds that can cover all the bases of the above listed malladies.

while family doctors can prescribe, they have annoying habits like prescribing tranquilizers, (drugs that have "pam"at the end of their generic name.) or prescribing an expensive drug that a drug company rep left free samples of, or prescribing the "standard" antidepressant designated by an HMO administratior for economic reasons. these drugs may or may not be best suited to you and your case.

overall, it sounds like you have bipolar disorder in some manifestation. your psyche-doc will be the one who determines this.

Could be. People don't always fall neatly into the boundaries of any one diagnosis, so it could be more than one thing. I recommend you see a professional to get a proper diagnosis. No matter what it is, they'll be able to help you find treatment.

pudetat wrote:to keep it short, see a psychiatrist, not a family doc not a psychologist.

That might be going a bit far. No matter what you decide to do, know that no two psychiatrists are the same. Getting a second or third opinion can be incredibily important, depending on your long-term goals. Some doctors LOVE to prescribe medications MUCH more than others. Getting a doc who you connect with is important. Professional help is good, but it helps to know that psychiatry is as much an art as it is a science!

Thank you all so much. And sorry for the very late reply.
I have been sort of functioning all right, but I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago and ever since I have been acting sort of.. promiscuous? So I'm thinking now that it might be leaning more towards borderline. Anyway, I am going to see a shrink about it again and try to do some exercises for myself to feel better as well. I keep having these convictions that I have some disorder and then it disappears for a while but it seems to always come back-- though this time I think it's borderline rather than bipolar. It could also be a mix or a mild form of either one, I'm going to figure it out! Thanks!

XX

What you call "promiscuous" is known as hypersexuality. A lot of us have been there. I don't want to say this means you are bipolar -- all I'd like to say is: please stay safe and speak to a psychiatrist.

Big hug.