does this sound.. like bipolar? please read, i appreciate it

So i guess i'll briefly introduce myself.. i'm a senior in high school.. i enjoy sports and being with friends.. i find myself pretty outgoing.. (this is my normal self i'm believing)

basically.. i've been having on and off depressions over my 3 years in high school. freshman year, i remember nothing being wrong. sophmore year, during the last 4 months, it was like a living hell. i was depressed, i wanted to die, i would never ever want to relive how i felt. i didn't care about anything. i cried. i dont like going back to remember how i felt (but i got these facts from my journal (i've kept one since 6th grade)). it happeend again, in junior year. but it wasn't as bad. i ran away. and almost committed suicide, but never did anything terrible happen. (these were the 2 worst times of depression, they'd last over a month) on and off, usually for shorter periods (less than 1 month) maybe a week or 2.. i'd get down. it'd be over nothing. People would think i'm emo, when really, i don't cut, i dont even listen to emo music, i dont dress emo.. i just get all down for nothing. i call it a sad ball. .. and when the sad ball hits me.. well, i become all down, pessimistic, affectionless, i dont care about anything.

i dont know how to separate the normal me, from the possibly maniac me.

*i've read about bipolar last year in a psych book, and while i was reading, i thought.. maybe this is the reason why i'm like this... a friend had mentioned it before, i think as a joke.. like what are you, bipolar? .. and i didn't know what it meant till i read about it.*

i dont know if mania would be considered this.. but i would feel "high on life." i'd be really happy.. everywhere.. if something sad happened, it wouldn't make me sad, or cry at all. i would go to sleep, but wake up super early, without an alarm clock. i'd be super energetic.. ppl would think i had caffiene or something, but i didn't. i felt really good. i could talk forever and ever.. about 50 different topics.. although, at first i thougth it was just my personality-- i would interupt ppl.. even though i'd try hard not to, because i know it's rude, the words would just blurt out of my mouth. basically i'm really loud, jumpy.. don't care what other ppl think of what i do. i'd make a fool of myself, embarras myself, and stil not care.

this past week, was terrible. i was down. i love hockey, and didn't even wanna play. that was the first time, ever in my life, where i've passed up playing a game, just because i didn't care.. the only times this week i was even happy, was when i was high. (i just discovered mj... but i'm someone who doesn't abuse drugs). i used to take sudafed for allergies (over a few day period) and the stuff made me feel so happy.. so i contintued taking it. whenever i'm down, i just pop a sudafed. it'd be my happy pills.

i honestly can't tell if this is bipolar.. or if it's just.. me?
i saw a counseler at school.. during one of my depressive times, she made me cry, i couldn't talk to her, because i'd get sad just talking about how i felt. she'd ask me questions about if it was my parents, my bf, etc etc. it wasn't eitehr. i didn't even have a bf at the time. sometimes i feel that it's just me, and maybe i put too much pressure on myself, but this past week has taught me that it isn't that problem. i'm a 2nd semester senior, i care about my grades, but i'm not stressing over them. i have nothing to worry about right now. nothign t ostress over. yet i still got down, sad, extremely sad actually... and here i stand, not knowing if something is wrong, or if i'm making a small deal out of nothing.

and to anyone who actually read this all, thanks a million. i'm just looking for advice.. if this sounds bipolar or not. i know yall arn't docs and what not, but you guys are full of information, so i was hopin someone here could help.

thx again.

Hi,

It sounds like you could possibly have bipolar, but from the information that you've given it seems more likely that you have been having short episodes of depression. Many people who have depression get periodic depressive episodes, which (on average) last 2-6 months at a time. Some people use anti-depressants just for the time of the episode, then taper off until the next episode comes.

i dont know if mania would be considered this.. but i would feel "high on life." i'd be really happy.. everywhere.. if something sad happened, it wouldn't make me sad, or cry at all. i would go to sleep, but wake up super early, without an alarm clock. i'd be super energetic.. ppl would think i had caffiene or something, but i didn't. i felt really good. i could talk forever and ever.. about 50 different topics.. although, at first i thougth it was just my personality-- i would interupt ppl.. even though i'd try hard not to, because i know it's rude, the words would just blurt out of my mouth. basically i'm really loud, jumpy.. don't care what other ppl think of what i do. i'd make a fool of myself, embarras myself, and stil not care.

The thing about the mania is that it has to impair your normal functioning to be clinically significant (or diagnosable). Hypomania also causes disfunctional behavior, but to a lesser degree. Does your "high on life" state cause you to do things that are harmful to yourself or others? Here's one of the diagnostic criteria for mania or hypomania; granted that you need 3-4 to be considered as having an episode, but anyway...
"7. excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments)"
In terms of the disfunctional aspects, this symptom is the most clear cut of the seven listed on the DSM-IV diagnositic criteria.
I know that you mentioned certain symptoms of mania/hypomania, and for those I'd ask 'does your reduced need for sleep cause you to have insomnia, or to crash after a certain period of time?'; does your bombardment of ideas cause you to be unable to complete tasks, or are you highly distractable? Are you very impulsive during these times, and feel like it's nearly impossible to stop yourself from doing things with negative effects? Keep in mind that these are also symptoms of ADHD.

The basic way that I was diagnosed was by trying anti-depressants, having exacerbated symptoms, then trying mood stabilizers, and having reduced symptoms. Besides that I was impulsive with food and sex (had an eating disorder, cheated on bf multiple times) which was one of the main reasons that I was diagnosed.

Finally, some people don't fully develop bipolar until they are well into adulthood (the average is 18-25, but it can develop later, too). It could be that you've been experiencing mild hypomanic episodes (if you only experience the expansive mood, but not the disfunctional aspect) and that you'll develop worse episodes as you age. I had a somewhat similar experience in high-school, and then fully developed bipolar in my first year of college.

Sorry this is so long, good luck !

Jessie

thanks a bunch.

i dont think.. mania would be the right word.

basically i get a huge surge of energy... act like i have adhd.. or some kid on caffiene.. during that time ppl would joke that i'm on crack or something. i become really discombobulated, like if there's a bird, i'd go and chase it.. or stupid wierd things like that. i get really jumpy, cant sit in my seat for long. i talk alot.. and i mean.. i just rattle out everything that comes to mind. i also drive faster.. i lose my discipline basically. i convince myself i can eat whatever i want.. drive however i want.. i speak my mind.. it's almost like.. i dont care what anyone else thinks. during the whole time i'm just super happy... and have tons of energy.. i'd go to sleep.. and wake up maybe 4 hrs later, ready to do anything. to me, it's just a really good feeling, to feel super energetic, always up to do anything, talk to anyone, be anyone.. that sort of thing.

or .. is what i just described (hypo)mania?

I have a really good book on bipolar by Lana Castle ("Bipolar Disorder Demystified") that I took the following quote from:

"unlike true happiness, manic euphoria tends to leave shame, humiliation, broken relationships, lost jobs, injuries, debts, and pain." [the author goes on to say that hypomanic euphoria produces the same]

I tell my boyfriend (who I repeatedly hurt while I was hypomanic) that that wasn't me, I wasn't in tune with reality.... I don't even remember most of what I did, it was all such a blur. The symptoms like racing thoughts, euphoria, excessive energy, inflated confidence, impulsiveness, lack of focus are all part of the manic/hypomanic experience... what differentiates hypomania/mania from hyperactivity/ADHD is the greater severity of the consequences.

I know that the DSM-IV diagnostic criteria state that you only need to have 4 of the 7 symptoms to be considered hypomanic... but from my personal experience, as well as my education (I'm a psych major) I know that it's a lot more complex than it seems. I was convinced that I had borderline personality disorder -- fit ALL of the diagnostic criteria, read tons about it, and everything I read about it described me perfectly. I kept bringing it up with my doctors, who didn't seem to agree. It was only later that semester (while in an abnormal psych course) when I came to understand the subtleties of the disorder, and why only a professional would be able to tell if I had it or not.

Anyway, my recommendation is that you go to psychiatrist/psychologist to get a professional evaluation. It's good that you're so aware of your symptoms -- this will help you immensely in finding the right medicinal and/or therapeutic solution.

Jessie[/i]

Hi ya'll,

I agree, it does sound like a manic state, and you are of age for it to rear it's head. But you really need a pdoc to eval you to be sure, mine started at 17, unfortunatley, the resources weren't there at that time for me.

Your impulse control sounds so familiar. I am bipolar 1, this can be catchy, there are several degrees, as explained earlier in this forum under the DSM-IV diagnostic criteria .

There are the two extremes of mania and depression with everything in between and some combined, called mixed.

My main sx is rambling. And insomnia. It runs much deeper than that, but over the years I have learned to recognize and control many of the sx's. My depressions are far and few between, but horrific when they hit. That is how they classified me.

I wish you luck and it's not so bad, I have many abilities that some don't have, there are hundreds of famous bipolars. That is what keeps me stigma free. Jim Carrey for instance.


And don't rule out anxiety, hormones, etc. These can make you feel the same way as mania sometimes. Check with your doctor, okay?

Hi, the difference would be evaluated by the number of .. and length of your episodes.

Being bipolar 1, I am mostly manic, and with few episodes of depression, but they are horrific when I have them.

We are here when and if you need us.

Also do you experience grandiosity, where you think you know than aaaaaany body else?

Bipolar isn't that bad, really. It's those lows you have to really get thru. and it will pass.

All my luck, and thanks for the update.